Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Great List of Narcissistic behavior
Jaded911:
Liz,
This list just hit so close to home with me. It was given in a way that an average joe could understand. Sometimes I get bogged down with all of the technical talk, I have so many questions that I can't find answers to. I have questions about what N truly have doing through their heads, do they ever have moments they think this or that. I also wonder if they do the things mentioned in the list consciencely or Subconsciously or consciously. I wanna know if they are as miserable in the inside as they make everyone feel on the outside.
You mentioned your son is a N. Is he in the company of others in your family? I am very curious about why or the how you feel he is. Your other son seems to without N traits. Did I understand that right, lol, I had to go back and make sure before I asked this. Do you wonder how one son is N and the other one dodged the bullet?
I would love to sit down with one and have them be as open as a book, but then again I would not believe a damn word they had to say.
I give you credit for seeking answers about your son. To bad my N parents could not have done the same. He is raising the next generation, I only hope she dodges that bullet just like your son did. Gosh I so hope I gave her enough strength to have the will to survive.
Anonymous:
Hi Jaded:
I have a long complicated story. I was "raised" by a schizophrenic mother and head-in-the-sand father. Needless to say, I was affected by this. I ended up marrying two men, the first who I realize was definitely an N (the father of my oldest son), the second had lots of N traits but the worst part of him is that he ended up going completely mental on me and I had to throw him out for the sake of my children. He was the father of son #2. Son #1 and son #2 were raised by for a large part of their childhood by me and my third husband, thankfully not a N in any sense.
My oldest has so many of his father's traits and behavior characteristics (even the same evil laugh) without having spent enough time with him to be that similar that i know a large part of this horrible disorder is genetic. My second son has had problems but he is a kind and loving son and is growing up at age 24, finally, while his brother never will.
I haven't heard from my oldest son since May 2, the day his uncle died and we discussed his flying in for the funeral. He never showed up and has never called any of us since then. This is not the first time he has disappeared and it sent me on the hunt to understand just what the hell is wrong with him. I have been researching for the past 6 months and know what I have discovered explains his behavior and his father's as well.
I have been worried about how to handle it when he comes back into our lives again, and have wanted to warn my younger son about being used. We have been discussing this for the past few months but the list was just so good I had to send it to son #2 and he was just dismayed because it cemented in his head as well that his brother is an N.
My husband's mother is also an N (100%), but I'd say even more of a P. She is just plain evil. He shut her out of our lives 5 years ago because of her behavior and the information I have discovered makes him feel even more certain that he did the right thing.
I have to say it is the most horrible thing to know you have given birth to a child who will spend his entire life using and abusing others. Makes me want to throw up.
Will post my full story some time when I have the patience and resolve to write it all down.
Thanks for writing.
Anonymous:
Sorry, that last message was from me. I forgot to log in. Too used to lurking.
Jaded, your list gave me the courage to post my very first post, thank you.
Lizbeth
Jaded911:
Liz,
No thank you. I respect you so much for having the courage to speak out about your son. My xN parents did not have the courage that you do. But then again he got it honestly from them.
Like you Liz I sought out answers to so many things. I did not even begin to know where to start. Every thing I would find made no sense to me. Well I actually do not think anything made sense to me.
You should not feel guilty Liz about your son. You should feel nothing for your son but pity. Living a life without love is a life worth not living. I have to think of things in strange ways at times when I fully do not understand something. I guess I think of N adults as children who never have a favorite toy. Do you know what I mean? You have a favorite toy when you are a child and you play and play and play with it. Even as an adult you remember that toy. It meant alot to you and by gosh your room might have been a pit but your favorite toy was always safely put out of reach so it wouldnt get hurt or damaged. These people do not remember what it feels like to have a fav. toy. They played with one, broke it, got another one, broke it and never did they miss any of those toys. They meant nothing to them, they were just objects to occupy their time. That hurts Liz to be on the receiving end of that. But if I had to make my guess, I would think that N people are the ones who lose out.
I feel for you and the helplessness you must feel. But I am impressed by your desire to seek answers. I just do not understand all of the dynamics of N and with this list it explained alot that I had been questioning about his behavior.
Liz, you are more then welcome to tell me that I am a nosey rosey and need to learn not to ask so many ?'s, but I am so curious about this.
How did your son act when he was younger? Could he show love, remorse, and could he accept responsibility for his actions?
I had a good emotional foundation before this happened. I knew myself, I knew what my goals were and I knew myself very well and wasnt ashamed of who I was. I now question every time I am ready to talk, I question when someone compliments me on my looks or personality, I question if he cant love me how can anyone else. After all that is what he told me. I have lost touch with myself in some ways but I will become a stronger person because of it, soon I hope.
Your son exited on his own terms too huh? Not a word to explain anything or not a thought about your thoughts on why he no showed. I do not know how N can feel that everyone is to blame for their thoughts or actions.
I have never read a success story about a N successfully changing either. I would love to know things on that but from what I have seen with my N it would take a miracle and a hell of alot of time to put a dent into it.
I am sorry Liz for your predicament but I applaud you for seeking out answers. Accepting this behavior only encourages their behavior. It hurts hun but that is a fire that neither you or I am equipped to tackle. Atleast it helps answer alot of our questions.
Keep your chin up and bless you for your efforts. He might not appreciate them but surely somebody will benefit from it besides you. If not you deserve the answers to your questions.
Lizbeth:
Hi Jaded.
My oldest son was a very happy, very easy baby. Slept most of the time, ate like a pig (he was over 9 lbs when he was born by C-Section.) Both of my sons were not raised in the most stable of households as I have been married 3 times. I did not receive any child support from father #2 and very little from father #1. My life saver was hubby #3 who was a friend who moved in to my house to help me survive and raise the boys. He worked nights, I worked days, and he went to college as well (he is now a CPA who works for Uncle Sam and we have our own business as well).
I worked long hours to keep a roof over our heads. I managed to keep them in the same house in the same town so they could have roots and also go to good schools. The house was falling apart but it was warm and as clean as I could keep it. They had food and medical care and clothes and went to very good schools. They both had sports and I managed to guide them both into college, though neither graduated.
Son #1 was very good looking (like his father) and his teachers let him get away with murder though I begged them not to. He did not do the chores I had for him at home and made his brother do them instead (did not find out about this until years later). Constantly disobeyed any rules I set out for him and did dangerous things I did not find out again, until years later. Through football and constant supervision (when not at work), I managed to get him through high school and into college without getting into trouble. He was not allowed at unsupervised parties, etc.
He had a very wealthy girlfriend while he was in high school and imagined having all the things the better off families had without having to do the work, typical N stuff. Funny thing is, his father is very industrious, just very cheap.
I had moved out of state when I married husband #2 and stayed there after my second divorce. Son #1 did get to visit his father and his father's family but did not spend any length of time with him until the age of 14 when he moved in with his father for a year. That came about because of a final confrontation with son#1 about his grades and me stupidly asking his father for help (backing me up). This resulted in me being forced to take son #1 to therapy. The therapist ended up sayig that son #1 was fairly normal but my ex was in her words, "a jackass." So, to do the right thing, I let him go live with his father. That year is when we all discovered what a liar he was.
More about this tomorrow as well in "my story" so I don't end up repeating myself. Have to get to bed so I can get up for work too!
Don't mind your asking questions, it helps me to lay this all out.
Lizbeth
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