anxiety and agitation

[write]

Does anyone else have days where they get more and more agitated and anxious?

I might just be experiencing it because of bipolar, but I think some of it goes back to all those extremely stressful days with parents then n s, where you don't know what's coming next and things just seem to get more and more tense.

Maybe it's post-traumatic stress?

What do other people think?

Anyone got any suggestions for dealing with it/ good distraction techniques?

[Anonymous]

There are some days when I'm nearly hysterical. I say to myself, "This is only temporary," and think of plan B's to deal with the stuff going on.

bunny

[dogbit]

I actually started a thread on this called anxiety, anxiety, Panic.  I have those days and the more panicked I feel, the more afraid I am that it will not end.  Meds work.  I keep xanax on hand but just knowing it is there is oftentimes all I need.  Eating helps.  Just little meals or a glass of milk.  Walking helps.  Reading this board helps   .  Watching something on TV that is uplifting, reading a "fluff" book.  Since I have been this way since I was quite young, just knowing it will pass helps also but when I am in the midst of being anxious and agitated, it's kind of hard to remember.  If someone needs my help in any way and I can respond, that really helps because I forget myself.  It's an awful feeling, I know.  And I don't know how much it has to do with being bi-polar.  I'm not bi-polar and there are somedays when it can get bad   But it does go away!  I'm really disciplining myself to stay away from people and places that make me start feeling jittery.  That helps quite a lot.  Take care, Bittles

[FlowerGirl]

Yes, Write, I totally understand. in fact, it hit me recently. a nervous feeling.

A few things seem to trigger it. the holidays dont help. also, admittedly, the time of the month. And the weather. and deep down, under all that, my sense of insecurity.

there are days where I just want to crawl under my duvet. Or wrap myself in the arms of someone strong - someone who cares (I am pretty much alone, so that's just a dream). I sometimes go visit a friendly dog - just because they are always so happy to see me. I cry sometimes.. sometimes out of fear.

but you know - like the experiences of Brigid and Bunny... it passes. Something clicks, and everything seems better....   hang on a little longer and see if the wind changes. It worked for Mary Poppins!

--FG

[write]

there were several triggers-a friend's problems, waiting for replies from people, a concert ( which went really well! But there's always that post-performance low )

Afterwards I always wonder what it was all about...

I feel pretty much alone too Flowergirl. I'm not, I have friends and family, but that idealised special relationship eludes me.
Getting into n-relationships or what I call inadequate 'substitute' relationships doesn't help either.

[teartracks]

Hello Write,

Yes, yes, yes.  Instead of agitation I get  irritated.  Both are  almost always triggered by certain behaviors between me and my Mom, my sister or brother.  Most often my Mom and sister.  I come out of it feeling like a jerk, swearing I'll never fall for the triggers  again.   No amount of repentance has chased away the miserable feelings and reactions entirely.  My observation is that these  things are like layer cakes.  First layer:  The way my Mom treated me from birth.   She was a rebellious, controlling,  teenager steeped in ignorance where childrearing is  concerned.   I was  chattle, as were  my Dad and siblings.  I'm happy to say that I have made peace with her.  I pray a lot for  the strength not to react to the triggers and instead send them to their  own little resting place.  Often I walk away.   As much as I'd rather not  have to, I withdraw for a spell to get my perspective back.  So I have that layer of dysfunction to deal with.  The next layer is failed marriages.   My Mom alienated my Dad from me and my siblings.  She drove wedges between all of us individually.  She played each one against the other.  She did it so cleverly that I didn't catch on for a very long time.  My Dad figured  it out, but didn't know  what  to do about it. My siblings don't seem  to have a clue.   Anyway, since there was no roll model in my life for how to love a mate, or  for that matter how not to be abused in the same way by a spouse, I failed  miserably at marriage.  Have been single a  long time now.  Then comes another layer.  My two beautiful sons went down in a private plane off the coast of  Florida. We never found them or the plane.  In addition,  I moved to the town where  my Mom and a few other family members live.  It's a  very small  town,  lots of gossip, lots of sloppy ethics.  It's not uncommon for me to turn around and realize I've been tricked.  If I thought about it I could add other layers, but I think you get the picture.  Getting to  where I am now,  i.e., with General  Anxiety Disorder stems from my childhood environment  where triggers fly like scrapnel.  The PTSD is a result of my boys dying a horrible death in the Atlantic.  Now, I don't like to see small private planes.  I  don't like the ocean that I used to adore.  In the fifteen years since their death I might have had a dozen nights  where I slept normal, non medicated sleep.  My response to each layer is different.  The one that really gets me though is what I call the 'willies'.  They crawl over me when I try to transition from my active working day to my relaxing, lying in bed read a book  state of mind.  There is a residual PTSD fear that if I sleep the only thing there is to wake up to is the reality of their death all over again.   In the first few  days of the search my brain did a flip and made a  deal with my mind saying  that because it was too painful for me to wake up morning after morning  to the same  sad reality 'we' just wouldn't sleep  anymore.  That's classic PTSD.

So what have I done to cope? For the childhood thing, I'vestudied a lot.  I've read so many books. You could say I did self-therapy. I  couldn't afford talk therapy, but  would do it in a heartbeat. I learned a lot. As I was able, I applied whatever seemed prudent.  I could tell as I read what seemed reasonable for me.  I have a deep understanding for dysfunction now. I've purposed not to feed the dysfunctions of those around me.  I think I owe it to them to bring what I've learned to the relationship in my actions. I don't have any desire to change them, but I have a deep  interest in living  my new ways as an example to the other person to observe and learn from.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.  

The marriages  are far in the past.  Knowing what  I know  now, I could probably have guided them to success.  I'll  never know.  I'm not angry or bitter over the marriages.  I'm at peace  with that.

My boys dying was just as bad as you can imagine.  I will never get over  it. The PTSD will go to my grave with me without a miracle of  some kind.

The anxiety and irritation accelerate when I'm in the midst of the old family behaviors where triggers fly like schrapnel. Someone else mentioned Xanax.  It has been a miracle drug  for me.  It takes  the edge off.   Thank God I'm not prone to addictions.  I take  two 0.5 m.g.tablets in the evening when the 'willies' set in.  During the day while I'm working, Xanax never crosses my mind.  It helps me sleep but I have to supplement it with Ambien.  I intend to try Lunesta next for sleep.

So  what  are my recommendations?  Well, I read Dr. Phil's book Self Matters.  The theme of his book is emotional archaeology.  I went back and looked at all the old stuff that kept haunting  me.  I experienced the  good the bad  and  the ugly over again with Dr. Phil's book as a guide.  I prayed to God to  help me walk through each event.  He was right there.  At the time, it seemed so heavy, but looking back there were humorous times when God would  release  me from something awful.  Later, in review, I've been able to laugh about some of  it.  I  have a cluster of 'safe' friends I can talk to and draw tonic, nectar, sustainance.   I don't talk my 'stuff' to just anyone,  only to my safe friends and occasionally on this board.  

I guess  what I'm trying to  say is that depending on the live, we've amassed our own layer cake of disorders/dysfunctions.  I'm able to see  mine in  compartments  and address them one at  a  time in context. instead  of dumping it all in one big pile to try to sort out.  Maybe you don't have as many layers as I do. I hope something I've said helps.

Best,
chicksquip

It helped me to learn as  much about disorders as I could.  The only way to deal with them is  to disarm and demystify them.  Otherwise they have the potential to make us feel lower  than a snake's belly.  

Work helps me to rest from the dysfunctional emotions that lurk about.  Fellowship with others is priceless.   A good solid small spiritually focused  group where discussion is welcome can be  very helpful.  So in summary, it's practicie, practice, practice the ways and means to renew the mind.  It takes a lot of diligence to change  the way we think.  There are terriorist roaming around in our minds in the way of thoughts.  They must be taken captive and sent to their own  Gitmo. Then it's safe to move the pure, clean thoughts to the heart where they are fit to be expressed  to others in  a wholesome, healhy way.

I think I've done some rambling  here.  My desire is to help.

[dogbit]

Someone else mentioned Xanax. It has been a miracle drug for me. It takes the edge off. Thank God I'm not prone to addictions. I take two 0.5 m.g.tablets in the evening when the 'willies' set in. During the day while I'm working, Xanax never crosses my mind. It helps me sleep

It's a great medication and I, like you, have never become addicted.  It is something my Doctor constantly warns me about although I end up throwing half my prescriptions out because they have expired.  I am so sorry about your boys.  I have always thought that that the worst thing that could happen to me would be to lose my children.  I have no words to express how sorry I am.  And I have also gone through periods where I do not sleep

There is a residual PTSD fear that if I sleep the only thing there is to wake up to is the reality of their death all over again. In the first few days of the search my brain did a flip and made a deal with my mind saying that because it was too painful for me to wake up morning after morning to the same sad reality 'we' just wouldn't sleep anymore. That's classic PTSD.

Yes, I've done that also.  This may seem to be totally off the mark but just before my Dad died, I took him around to an Air Force Museum where he could talk to guys who had been through WWII and see all the old planes he used to fly.  The guide who was leading us around and I were talking.  I said I wished my Dad didn't live in the past since it seemed so sad for him and the docent (is that the right word?) said, maybe he needs to.  I felt so chastened because I knew he was right.  My Dad just needed to talk with someone who had been there and done that.  "It" never goes away but it becomes liveable once you can talk about it with someone who knows...By the way, the Air Force Base was Hamilton Field in Marin County, California.

I don't think the ptsd ever goes away either.  Hopefully, it will just occupy a part of ourselves instead of being ourselves....Anyway, I think talking about it is the best way of not allowing it to run our lives.  Instead, we can share our wisdom with the next guy so there is less time lost in getting on with what we are meant to be and do.  Bittles

[d'smom]

hi write and all :} i am bipolar 2... which is stabilised with meds.. and also ptsd .... most definitely partly from that feeling of constant agitation and non-safety as a kid (and adult).

i do have days when i become more agitated and i almost always have a lot of trouble sleeping.  one reason is i have lots of nightmares, and also there is that thing about waking up into a hellish reality.  :{{{  im so so sorry the mother who lost your boys. im so sorry.   i dont know why but it does feel better, just  not to sleep. feels safer. i dont know why. but, i understand just deciding not to sleep. it doesnt make sense but i know the feeling, and when im agitated, my body refuses to sleep. ill run through every technique i know some nights, sometimes ending with calling a hotline by dawn or so. and i already take sleep meds. on those nights they dont make a dent.

its a vicious cycle becuase the more agitated you get, the less you care for yourself i.e. eating sleeping etc and the less you eat sleep etc the more agitated you get, this is what i notice.

i have developed what i call 'techniques' lots of breathing exercises, visualisations, etc. eating, sleeping, reminding myself to do self care. i also keep a journal ( im soooo organised) and when i am having feelings that are difficult, i write them down,  name the feelings, then how much i have to do my techniques in response. this allows me to track when these feelings come up and what they are at different times which can help me learn about them. invariably, my agitation increases anytime i am forced to have contact with my family. invariably. my agitation decreases, when i accomplished something that makes me feel competent, or helpful, or on days i am -guaranteed- to have nothing whatsoever to do with my family.    its like clockwork.

recently i heard of a very good new technique that ive been having a lot of success with which is 'color therapy'.

for all the visual people here, you imagine a color that corresponds to a feeling you desire. (a feeling such as being relaxed). so for me - the things that cause me the most anxiety are feeling alienated from my d.  - and feeling people are controlling me and that im trapped. so, my 'color' that represents my d. and i having a totally uninterrupted, content healthy relationship that noone can corrupt is bright lemon yellow.

when i am feeling edgy and anxious becuase of distance from her, which is one of the things that causes me the most physical and mental anxiety ever,  i concentrate on lemon yellow and it really helps me. it invokes the feeling that i wish for. its actually very calming.

my color for feeling free, relaxed, and uncontrolled by others is lavender  sky blue. so when i want to feel free and relaxed i envision those colors.

those are some new techniques i jsut discovered that ive been liking a lot. i find that lifting weights or some exercise also helps. people hold tension in their muscles and if you can release some of that physically it can help mentally.

ive had success with hypnotherapy, which teaches you self-relaxation..... if i could afford it i would get a massage every single week. a -lot- of agitation is related to muscular tension i think.

my entire reality is an effort to stay calm basically.... it seems like i spend 90% of my waking energy on it. (and a lot of my  sleeping energy) but, there it is. its what my life is right now.  

my biggest weapon against it has been identifying early signs, and heading it off -before- it gets bad with my arsenal of 'techniques'.

take care alll. heres to rest for our minds and selves tonite.
Anna

[Anonymous]

Hello All:

I can relate to this tread.  I think it is the result of living with stress for so long.  It has an accumulative effect.  After living with n's for so long and being on edge for whatever, it is like a slow dripping faucet.  When the n is gone the vaccum is such, it is like a great sucking noise when the anxiety and panic hit.   The residual of it is that people who have had "normal" realtionships are able to cope with the day to day stress and realtionship ups and downs.  Such is not the case with me.  I can have the a situation come up at work, or with neighbors and I agonize over how to deal with it.  Conjure up all these things that will happen in my mind that of course never come to pass. It is dibilitating because it paralyzes me from doing other things.

My best coping mechanism is to walk, to actually say out loud "Stop thinking about this", doing something like going to lunch with a good friend.  Coming to this board.  This board has been a life saver.

Patz

[Learning]

Does anyone else have days where they get more and more agitated and anxious?

Hi Write and all,

Thanks for asking this question.  Yes, I sure do.  Some days I am so anxious I cannot focus at all.  Usually on those days, I feel like I am "on guard" or waiting for something bad to happen.  I also find that on those days the "I am bad/worthless" negative tape in my head is louder and stronger than usual.  Yesterday was like that for me.  On those days, I struggle with the simplest of tasks.  Today I feel better so far, but now I have to get caught up on all the things I didn't do yesterday.

When I am having one of those days, I am challenged with how to stay present to take care of the little ones.  I have learned that I do better if I take us to a place where I feel safe.  For me, that usually involves a bright place with lots of people who don't expect much from me.  I also factor in something that the kids will like so we spend the day at the park, Burger King or something like that.  

Dear Chicksquip,

Thank you for sharing your story.  I am so sorry to hear about all that you have been through.  Especially the loss of your sons.  You are very courageous.  

Peace,
Learning

[write]

I am so sorry for all you've been through; thanks for sharing
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Still working my way through the other posts- one thing I'm finding is: too much time spent at the computer starts the anxiety.

[Anonymous]

On and off over the course of the last year I have experienced anxiety and agitated depression.  Oh, and panic attacks too.

To distract myself I try to exercise (ride bike, jump on trampoline), listen to upbeat music, garden, and/or start a project in the house.  It really takes  alot to motivate myself to do these things while feeling depressed/anxious but I FORCE it and for the most part it helps me.

Hope you're feeling better.

Mia