Morning Mum, I’ll respond to a few things. I want to make my points clearer because I feel that this thread could escalate into more misunderstandings.
Why did I post initially? Because sometimes it’s good for people to make their own mistakes so that they can learn from them. Conflict can be a huge learning experience.
This thread was not your conflict. The people on this thread are adults. You say you are wiser for your experience. Does it make sense to give others the opportunity to learn from their experiences? What happened to you is not what was happening here in this thread.
Perhaps because I work in education, if I were asked how I handle conflict in your job interview scenario: I would not say I would avoid it. I would say that on my best days I would handle it personally, without judgement and defensiveness and try to understand what it is I was attached to that caused the problem for me, that I would listen with good intention to what the other person is saying and do my best to resolve it with everyone's dignity intact.
I don't know what other jobs are like, but if I handled conflict intentionally
through hammer over the head methodology, I would be out of a job, or not in that "business" in the first place.
I wouldn’t say avoid conflict either. Maybe you thought when I said “ohhhh let's not bother eh?” I mean avoid it? What I meant was: please, let’s not bother with
that question. Because the answer is too long and too complex. How would I deal with conflict? It depends on who the conflict is between, it depends on whether I am directly involved, it depends on whether in fact the conflict is between people or, for example, priorities. I said “ohhhh let's not bother eh?” because it’s a very difficult not-black-and-white question to answer, like most things. I think it’s possible you misunderstood what I meant, because I wasn’t clear. I wouldn’t use a “hammer over the head methodology”. Did you think that I might do that? If so, why? Did I indicate that?
That was my motivation. I do "hate" misunderstandings between people, that can lead to
more pain where healing could be instead.
I think sometimes that healing,
self-awareness, does not happen without more pain. To stop someone’s pain is to stop their healing sometimes.
I don’t think I can tell when misunderstandings between other adults here might lead to pain without gain, or pain with gain. Self-awareness happens at different rates and in different ways. When we get involved in other adults’ conflicts, it is because of something
within us. For example, we may have a need to ‘help’ (or control), a fear of conflict in general…etc. I’m no expert, others could do a much better job of explaining those motivations.
If you are suggesting that posting here at all, is fruitless, because of all the differing ideologies, and that because of those, we should just watch it all happen, without opinion or loving advice, now that would be an interesting thing to hear. I have actually thought of that frequently (and your post has me wondering, so thanks for the intriquing thought inspiration).
I’m still shocked by this paragraph above. I can’t understand why you thought this. I’m also now caught up on your mentioning ‘differing ideologies’ – I like to explore different ideologies here, but that’s not my main purpose for being here. That’s a bonus to me. The main reason for being here is simply to connect with other people, especially other people who have had similar experiences to me. ‘Reading between the lines’ as it were, I wonder if you think I’m just playing here, that I don’t take this board very seriously? I replied to this paragraph above, but you have not responded to my post. Why not? This is important to me, as I said. I feel upset because I think I’m being misunderstood. My intentions on this board are true and honest. I’ve slept on this and I still feel upset about it.
I stand by my original intent, which is that I had an experience that was not pleasant, as I spread some darkness instead of light, and since that is important for ME, I thought I could spare someone else.
Mum I think your intention was good and I mean that sincerely. (There is no sarcasm in this post.) If we can spare others’ pain, I think we should try to do that. I am for helping and not harming. Unfortunately what others experience is not what we experience. We’re all different. We can’t take it for granted that what others are doing in their conflicts is the same as, or similar to, what we have experienced. I hope you see my point?
(Sooner or later I’m going to have to get out of this thread and apologise to Jaded911 for completely hijacking her thread! Sorry Jaded911 but now I’m here in conversation…..I can’t just up and go….)
