baby photos

[sleepyhead]

Hi again! Here is an update on my baby photos trauma. Can't quite remember what I wrote (a while ago), so I'm sure you can't either, so here's a quick recap:

I remember as a kid asking my mother why there were no photos of me as a baby, she said that they were all on slides and my father had them. Asked my father, he laughed and aid no, no, my mother had the slides. Total confusion, realized there was no use to keep asking (can't trust either of my so called "parents"). About a year ago, I again asked my mother about baby photos of me, this time she said she has the slides, but no projector (doesn't remember the lie she told when i was a kid).

Anyway, now that I'm expecting my own child I really want to see photos of myself as a baby, so when I was at my mother's house for dinner last night I took the boxes of slides marked with relevant dates on them and said to her as we were leaving: "By the way, i borrowed some of the slides to see if there are any baby photos of me and make paper copies of them." (I have finally realized that there is no use in asking a N for anything, just state the facts instead). And there are photos of me! Yey! Can't wait to get them printed and see what I loked like!

On the downside, in the cupboard where the slides were I also found a projector...   Guess it was just too much hard work to put up a screen, never mind that I would have been happy to do it myself. Can anyone tell me why she does this?

Anyway, the dinner was not so bad... Now that I, my f, my sister and (I assume), her bf know what she is, it is so much easier to just ignore her.More people being there also helps, and she gives a lot of attention to my sister's kids (they are the only ones who still listen to her bragging, but even the older one doesn't listen so much anymore). Maybe I can learn to deal with this after all?!    

And today it's dinner at the in laws.... But many others there, so I can ignore fil and have a good time with mil, sils, bils and f, not to mention darling little niece!

[dogbit]

Hi Sleepyhead!  My parents did the same to me all the time.  If I asked for something that took their time or attention off themselves, they would confabulate a story showing why they  couldn't do it.  At the time, I know that  contributed to my feeling I wasn't worth it.  It's really interesting how posts from all of you here will dredge up a memory.  I'm glad the memories are being recalled because now I am able to put them in the proper perspective (most of the time   )

[Guest2]

Wow! it is interesting how old memories can de dredged up, and are common to N families.  I remember now that at my dad's/grandmother's house, there was prominently displayed a studio taken baby picture of my sister.  There was not one of me, and when I asked about it, they said none had been taken because of my mother (divorced).

Much later I learned that we had both been photographed and that my father's side of the family, who only liked my sister and wished I had not been born, took that photo during the divorce but did not want mine.

I guess they thought it would help me disappear!  But in fact, as a child, I did not think much of the situation.  Given everything else, it seemed normal.

[write]

the dinner was not so bad

Big vent coming up

( sorry s/h, I do know how you feel. Hope you enjoy those baby pics and they don't just leave you mad as hell that your parents could be that way with such a beautiful special precious little person- which is how I feel when I look at mine...and especially after I had my own son )

I wonder if people with non-toxic adults know what we mean by this putting up rather than enjoying family events!

I have grown tired of excusing my extended family behaviour, and coming away from events thinking 'oh, it wasn't as bad as last time' or 'at least there wasn't any major unpleasantness'...

What I want to do is come away as I imagine other people with happier families: 'good to see you', 'until next time' or just plain 'thanks'.

I'm sick of making excuses for these people who don't deserve it.

Sorry, just in vent mode today because:

Daddy- who couldn't possibly afford his own hotel bills to come out here, but he booked airfares anyway and expects us to foot the accommodation bill ( bearing in mind I'm separated from ex-n and we're working hard on issues & dropping a huge bill which isn't his responsibility on him- I don't earn enough to pay it- may have repercussions and setback things here)

Anyway- he announced ta-da~ he's getting married.

I wish everything was different and I could just be happy for them, and it would add a new dimension to the family. But I just feel like it's more immature attention-seeking frankly.

Plus- if he can afford a wedding he can afford to pay his own holiday expenses.

I can think of a dozen friends I would choose to pay for their holiday and have a good time rather than waste the money on having to put up with him, and come away each day thinking 'oh it wasn't so bad'.

Grrrrr...

I don't want to be hurtful, but I just don't want to pay for something I don't want, I won't enjoy, and will leave me feeling cheated- not just of money- but of real family relationships.

[mum]

Write: I'm sorry you have such a drag of a 'family".  My fiance has such a family and because of what he tells me, I empathize with your situation. Not much help here, just hearing you.  Hang in there.