Question for divorced people

[October]

What do you do on your wedding anniversary?  My wedding day was a very happy day for me, and it was 18 years ago tomorrow.  In the end the marriage became very unhappy, but not to start with.

Since the separation and divorce of course my family never mention anything to do with the wedding, but I am not ashamed of it.  I did my best, and it was not enough.  But it was not my fault.  I have not broken any of my marriage vows, either before or since the divorce, unless you count alcoholism under 'sickness and health'.  And I only changed my mind on that one because my daughter's health and wellbeing was at risk from allowing my X to carry on in the house.

Do other divorced people just forget all about the anniversary?  Just wondering.  

Maybe an outing with C would be appropriate.  Not sure where though.

[bunny as guest]

When I was divorced and not yet remarried, I promptly forgot the anniversary date and did not acknowledge it.  So it's a subjective and personal choice. Do whatever you like, you can honor parts of your life that are significant.

bunny

[longtire]

October, maybe you and he could give each other money for the anniversary?  Oh wait, that's my spouse!        

I'll probably have to repent that tomorrow.But it was worth it today!

[Anonymous]

Hi October

I remember my wedding date to X N but I don't get melancholy about it and I don't dwell on it.  It's along the line of "This was the day I married the monster...all is well that ends well."  I guess I am basically numb to it.  I'm not bothered when the day arrives.

Do whatever makes you comfortable.

Mia

[mum]

Ironically, my ex and I used to forget our anniversary all the time. We;d be doing something and go: "hey, is it our anniversary?"..and I think that started with the first one!  13 more and we called the whole thing quits...  I think it's in July.
I wish I could forget MORE about him, but he's always in my face!

I guess that could have been some sort of indicator or omen, huh?

[Guest2]

This is an interesting question.  Back when I first  realized there was somethign wrong with me, and started reading all the self help books I could get my hands on, on of them talked about anniversaries and how, even if you don't even remember them, they affect your feelings.  So maybe it is only realistic to ackowledge the date somehow.  I am not sure what the date means to your child (is that what you meant?), what do you do to mark the date?

[Kaz]

IF I happen to remember the day when it rolls around, I'm just thankful (like every other day), that I'm no longer linked to his controlling, manipulating ways.
It was also a happy day for me, (wouldn't have done it if I weren't happy about it!) but I no longer grieve for what I thought we shared and I don't feel the need to commemorate it.

But there's no point in pretending that it didn't happen and like you, I'm certainly not ashamed of my choices, I have 3 great kids to show for it.

[Brigid]

October,

My anniversary is in October, so I have only passed by one since he moved out--which was also in October.  I spent the day with a friend taking a walk through the woods and enjoying the beautiful fall color.  All of last fall was a difficult time for me (lots of first anniversaries of the things that had happened between us) so the wedding anniversary was just another in a long line of difficult days.  I think this year will be much easier and I'll be able to truly enjoy the fall color.

Brigid