Why do Ns turn others away from us? anyone know this?

[zeene]

Not long ago my sister was talking about N mother and our childhood.  My sister said:  "Do you remember when she tried to turn us away from you?"

I couldn't remember...only very vaguely N saying:  "Don't play with that BIG ONE" to my little sisters about me. That's all I can remember.   I think my reason for this is that I have buried this thing away in my mind because it is a BIGGIE and it is too painful to remember.

I hardly ever see my sister, and she doesn't like to talk about N much, so I haven't been able to ask her any more...but it was too painful to ask her what she remembered at the time.

All I do remember is that my whole life N mother turned my father against me and him against me.  Why do they do it?  are they jealous of the relationship so set out to ruin it?

WHY WOULD N WANT TO TURN MY SISTERS AGAINST ME?

WHAT KIND OF SO CALLED 'PEOPLE' ARE THEY?

AND WHY DO THEY WANT TO TURN ANYONE AGAINST THE OTHER??

Does anyone know this??  Why are they called "people"?  when they cause so much pain and evilness???????????

Zeene

[Portia]

(((Zeene))) how   (swear word) despicable for your mother to say that. To pick you out, point you out, make you the scapegoat. I'm so sorry.

I guess she 'projected' all her garbage on to you, so you had to carry around all her shame and guilt. How convenient for her

The good news is......we want to play with you, we like you here and we want you to stay and we don't let mothers like yours spoil our playground either. It's simply too late for them I'm afraid, they won't change.

Maybe your sister feels guilty about what happened to you?

PS. Keep posting those memories, it helps to name the crimes. And they were crimes.

[Anonymous]

Hi Zeene,

Why do they do it? are they jealous of the relationship so set out to ruin it?

Usually they are not only jealous of any relationship which draws attention from them, they are jealous of the person themselves.
You came along and now your mother had to pay attention to you rather than others paying attention to and appeasing her. So she's jealous that you even exist.

WHY WOULD N WANT TO TURN MY SISTERS AGAINST ME?

Because in her sick mind you are a threat so she has to pit other people she can influence against you. Your sisters are also potential threats so they are neutralized as well. But there is usually a primary scapegoat who everyone else is encouraged to ostracise.

Why are they called "people"? when they cause so much pain and evilness???????????

Good question. We have to guard against dehumanizing them. They are still, after all, damaged and sick human beings.
But at the same time just what is a human? Does a complete lack of decent human emotions or at last the total suppression of them constitute inhumanity?
Does a complete disregard for the harm they cause disqualify them from consideration as humans? Probably not. I would say maybe they qualify both as particularly sick, but also particularly despicable humans.

Sorry your 'mother' was such a waste.

mudpup

[Countermoon]

Why do they turn turn sibling against sibling.... father from child?  

Seems to come with the  narcissist territory.  It is the  old conquer and divide, borne out of jealousy and greed.   The narcissist mother (monster) wants to be the only one loved in her family.   It is how, my mother at least, exercised her power.    

I HATE HER!!!!!!

[write]

it's an unbearable jealousy of seeing other people have close relationships or having fun or whatever- the n always feels belittled / excluded/ reduced when they are not the munificent centre of attention. That quickly turns to rage or malice: a n. cannot bear to be impotent or frustrated. Or to be by themselves with their inadequacy- I guess it's an attempt at avoiding that, do some attention-seeking, cause a row, anything but be alone with no one feeding that false image and masking the real loathed self.

Parents who set siblings against each other do untold harm, but in my mother's case it backfired and the siblings dropped her and stayed in contact with each other.

[Anonymous]

Write - I had the same thing happen with my mom.  She set to turn me against my sister after her wedding.  I called my sister to tell her off - and she was stunned that she was hearing things she had never said.

Bless my brother-in-law's heart - when he stated - think about it.....where did she get her information from?  That's when we figured out it was our mom.

Ultimately, it backfired upon her.  At the same time, when my sister and I are in a tiff (sister's never get that way, do they?) - we are careful never ever ever to tell mom about it.  She will take sides and pit one against the other.

Likewise, mom makes calls to all of our friends (we live in different states) and rips into us to our friends.  Our friends kind of put the phone on mute and shake their heads.  Fortunately, it is a known issue by our family and friends.  We are then able to cope.

[Stormchild]

Zeene -- thought this might help --

This URL has some interesting observations on the lying done by Ns and borderlines... scroll down to the header, "Personality Disorders and Patterns of Lying"... it's copyrighted, so I didn't want to cut and paste an excerpt without prior permission.

http://www.eddylaw.com/vol3_no2_art4.htm

Some lawyers really DO see through these people! Mia, mum, Brigid... there IS hope.