Dear Daylily,
I am new here, and have a lot of questions for everyone in the future, but I wanted to respond. I am jewish, and one of the many beautiful traditions in this faith is the Ayshes Chayil hymn (a woman of valor), read by the husband to his wife on the eve of the Sabbath. It goes like this:
"Who can find a wife of excellence? Her value far exceeds that of gems. The heart of her husband trusts in her, he lacks no gain. She treats him with goodness, never with evil. all the days of her life. She seeks out wool and flax, and works willingly with her hands. She is like the merchant ships; she brings her food from afar. She rises while it is still night, gives food to her household, and sets out the tasks for her maids. She considers a field and buys it; from her earnings she plants a vineyard. She girds her loins with strength, and flexes her arms. She realizes that her enterprise is profitable; her lamp does not go out at night. She puts her hands on the spindle, and her palms grasp the distaff. She holds out her hand to the poor, and extends her hands to the destitute. She does not fear for her household in the frost, for her entire household is clothed warmly in scarlet. She makes her own tapestries; her garments are of fine linen and purple Her husband is well known at the gates, as he sits with the elders of the land. She makes linens and sells them; she provides the merchants with girdles. Strength and dignity are her garb, she looks smilingly toward the future. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She watches the conduct of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise and acclaim her, her husband- and he praises her: Many daughters have done worthily, but you surpass them all. Charm is deceptive and beauty is naught; a G-d-fearing woman is the one to be praised. Give her praise for her accomplishments, and let her deeds laud her at the gates."
So, charm is deceptive, and beauty is naught. That doesn't mean those things aren't nice, they're just not important in the grand scheme. Many young orthodox jewish boys today still want a pretty bride, however the ideal in the teaching is one that develops and matures as does the relationship, and as the hymn is read from week to week. This hymn acknowledges the fact that we are often taken in by beauty, but in a marriage, beauty is surly not enough to keep a household going. I don't know if you belive in G-d, but it may help you to really believe and know that there are a lot of people whose life experiences has taught them that judging a person solely on their outward appearance can be a big mistake. And lastly, may I add that my impressions of you from reading your posts is of a beautiful soul.
Vickie
P.S. Sometimes I feel pretty, and other times I don't. I am average/decent-enough looking, but can look nice when I try. When I am in a good frame of mind I have more desire to look my best, and when I am tired or depressed I just don't care about it. I think this may be typical.
