Sometimes showing the parent some empathy for the difficult time they having is the way to go. (hard as that sounds!)
No, that doesn't sound hard to me. Every time I see my brother lose it I am taken right back to when he was hit by my mum, from as far back as I remember - very young - and how she would hit him over and over while he tried not to cry, and she got more and more angry with him, until finally he had to cry out loud, and then she was happy with what she had done. It was all about power and domination and breaking his spirit. Bitch.
So now, when I see him lose his temper, I do not get angry with
him. I cry with him. But I get very very angry with my mother. She is the one doing the abusing really; even now. I watch him afterwards, and usually he has tears in his eyes, because he doesn't know why he is doing it.
I know I should think only of the boys, and I do, because they are the most vulnerable. But I also think of my brother, and how nobody ever was there to help, and how I told dad and he did nothing.
-- When someone approaches a family member to confront them about the past, it is very likely that the confrontation will result in denial and more traumatization. This is really, really, really tragic. That is why I almost cry thinking about the NHS in England and how crappy it is, that people don't have access to decent mental health care and are forced to "Do it yourself" methods that retraumatize them. {{{ October }}}
bunny
This is all true. But there has to be a way to break the cycle.
I tried talking to my brother about this some years ago. He cannot remember being beaten by our mum. I told him that it happened, and that I remember, and that dad remembers too. I am not sure whether he has ever thought about it since then or not. It is very hard to find a time to speak to him on his own; he fills his life up with being busy. Possibly in order not to think.
