Hey Plucky... bouncy cheerfulness is not exactly what I am known for around here, and I'm not going to fake it now. I've always thought it showed more respect to a person if I told them the truth about what I thought... as long as I kept the emotional aspect appropriate and tried not to step on any sore toes.
So.
I have been in the situation you describe for nearly two decades. I've reached the point where I just appreciate the peace and quiet when I am alone, because unfortunately, throughout my life, most of the people who have actively sought my company have done so because they wanted something from me. Balanced give-and-take friendship, which is the only true kind, has never been in it.
I think this is pretty common, it just takes most of us a looooong time to see it, and a lot of us never do because it hurts too much to admit this is how it is. There are givers, there are takers, and there are a few people who try to do both as appropriate, but not as many of them as there are of the first two groups.
People who have been N-dangered tend to give too much and have trouble taking. Ns and their favored children tend to take take take and regard any giving as a fate worse than death.
There just aren't many folks in that third group... so it's hard to find them. And the ones who were born 'lucky' often have limited insight into psychological pain, because they've never experienced it, so they tend to shy away from anything 'real' related to it. And the ones who found their balance after emerging from some kind of N experience, or codependency, etc., tend to keep a low profile and make friends very very slowly.
Hang in there. There is good in the universe, more than just the absence of pain. A lot of it, though, doesn't come from or involve other human beings, at least not directly. If you can open up to some of that non-human goodness, it can be very healing, while you are finding your way to more human goodness.
Do remember - denial is not our friend, and so people who can't see when they are in denial cannot be our friends either; as soon as we are faced with the things they fear, they disappear - if we're lucky; otherwise, they throw things at us [mostly emotionally, but sometimes for real], then they disappear. They can't help it. When they have broken their denial, then they can be there for us, but they have to do that work themselves. Until then, they can't even be there for themselves, and they don't know it; so how can they possibly be there for anyone else?
[And as Mark Twain put it, I am not only marching in that parade, I am carrying a banner. Denial is something I too have to fight. I've discovered it's work enough, fighting my own. I can't really do that and contend with others' denial at the same time ... ! ]
I hope this has made sense and is more encouraging than otherwise.
Edited to be a bit more inclusive,
and honest ...
... especially about ...
