Curious N behavior

[JanetLuez]

Hello...
 
Here is a bit of an odd situation.  I am not with N anymore (broke up about 2 years or so ago, but did have contact from time to time)  and am 5 months pregnant (not N's).  N owes me a good deal of money so there is SLIGHT contact if any, nothing of any real annoyance.
 
Last month I asked him if he could pay a little more of the money he owed me for that months payment.  He knows I am havnig a rough pregnancy and said he will see what he can do.  Of course the payment came and he didn't add anything to it, but I am extreemly confident he could have, oh well.
 
Anyways, I don't hear from him for several weeks which is ok, but out of the blue he calls two days ago and leaves a voice mail on my cell phone saying that he was "checking in" to see how I was doing and if there had been any news...he even made a point to leave me his phone number (he knows I know it and I had to laugh at this).  I returned the call (had a few questions about the money) but he didn't know I had any intention on asking him anything regarding the payment.  All I said was "I'm still alive" call me back...and then haven't heard back from him.  How concerned he must have really been you know to not even call back, what a shock (not really).
 
I may be wrong but what I feel is that he called using the excuse of the pregnancy so that I would call him back and in turn he could reject me by not calling.  Does this make any sense??  If so, wow, he is really out there.
 
I am doing ok and I can't and won't let him bring me down anymore, just more out of curiosity....the more I understand, the better I feel that I made the right choice.

[mudpuppy]

Hi Janet,

I may be wrong but what I feel is that he called using the excuse of the pregnancy so that I would call him back and in turn he could reject me by not calling.  Does this make any sense?? 

Sure it makes a lot of sense, but probably he wasn't being that specific. Ns test and test and they seldom give up, especially if they find an unattended unlocked door back into your head. So he was testing your reaction and then responding as he saw fit. If you broke down and cried for help he would probably be all over you.
 Most Ns have very little patience in terms of short tempers, but they have almost unlimited patience in terms of biding their time, waiting for an opening to get back in control of someone who shunned them.
Good for you for sticking to your guns. Maybe next time you could put it in writing. Makes it a lot more formal, and less able for him to manipulate.


mudpup

[JanetLuez]

That's what threw me...I mean I know he didn't call to see how I was doing, it has to be about him.  But he did get a phone call back (althought he is not aware of why he got the call--I was going to ask about the  loan situation, but he didn't know that).  All he knew is he got a return call asking him to call me back.  I wasn't angry on the phone, was civil. 

Just surprised me a little.

[bunny]

Sometimes an N will call on an impulse. Then the impulse passes and they forget they ever wanted to talk to you. I wouldn't put a lot of significance on his actions, as they are, indeed, "all about him." bunny

[Moira]

Hi Janett. Of course your ex is maintaining contact- just enough to keep you feeling hopeful he cares- remember Ns have no empathy or ability to love. your pregnancy has no emotional bearing on him and he is just yanking your chain and punishing you further. Don't ever expect any financial support or involvement with the baby- unless he can use time with baby to exploit soemone else. remember other women love a man who is with a baby. Whole new source of attention and potential victims for him. If you really want to make attempt to get financial support- get a good lawyer. Have all contact with him ONLY through the lawyer. Cut off all communication with him immediately. No emails, no calls, no response at all. Refuse to see him if he materializes. Even with a lawyer, your N. will lilkely find any number of legal loop holes to slither through to aviod any support. My N. faked depression, fooled several psychiatrists, got disability. That is his excuse for no money. Yet he has lots of money to spend on other women and his sex addiction. Pretty clear to see what his priorities are. As a child of an abusive and soul destroying n. mother, don't ever forget the damage he could inflict - would inflict- on your child. BE AFRAID. Get as much support as you can from people who truly love you.