Hi Write! I spent hours, days, weeks...etc. obssessively checking my ex N's emal as he kindly!! gave me his password. The only reason he did this is to " prove to me" that he wasn't using his computer for porn, sex chatlines, cybersex etc. My N was a somatic N and a sex addict. He also knew I have OCD therefore would check compulsively and drive myself nuts. His skewed thinking on allowing me to check was that he maintained all the porn- alot of it really disturbing- was completely unsolicited despite the majority of it marked as " reply to B." He was obviously also moving the juicy stuff to one of his over 60 other email accounts. He alleged I was crazy, stupid and knew nothing about emails! My checking became my addiction and was consuming me. Towards the end of the " relationship", I corresponded with him soley by email to aviod the insane abusive face to face bullshit. This while we were still lving together. I stopped the checking bit by deleting this account. Of course he attempted to set me up with another account with his password! Mindboggling how much time and effort he spent manufacturing " evidence" to prove his lies. I completely stopped responding to his emails once I kicked him out because hostility is only one more way of getting attention, and it's not like Ns don't enjoy chaos! I stopped responding to notes, letter, phone messages etc. I too would love some sort of explanation but that's not remotely realistic when dealing with a N- it's the nature of the beast! No accountability or taking responsibility possible in his mind. Rational conversation between adults is never going to happen. Once you start consistently ignoring a N they quickly move on to another more reactive N supply. If you have kids, start treating him like the six year old he really is!
