Thanks everyone-- very helpful! I think the specific tasks thing will help a lot. It has to be something they already want to do/agree with or they will do something that isn't what I meant. Like the tons of clothes my mom is sending me that are cotton but not organic. I told her I am inheriting tons and tons of clothes from people but what I really want is some organic clothing and bedding for when she's first born. She told me that cotton is the same thing as organic. I said it really wasn't and what I wanted was some actually organic stuff. So package after package has arrived from her with.... nonorganic cotton clothing.
It is pretty funny, actually. If I detach from it. So I have to find something she thinks of as her "cause" or her idea and let her do stuff related to that. If I express an opinion she won't abide by it and in fact will do something else (I didn't get what you wanted, but this is just the same, and cheaper!). So I have to really plan this. Preparation is half the battle.
Thanks again everyone! Boy does pregnancy bring out the N in people. Jeez Louise. It is amazing how many strangers I meet, and don't even engage in conversation particularly, feel they know what I should do/think/know. Unfortunately for them I am a pretty bitchy pregnant person and not particularly in the mood to be told what to do by strangers. When an uppity stranger woman asks me if I am planning to breast feed, I have to really stop myself from telling her "no, I just don't think it's that attractive" or "no, I was hoping that my baby could be sick more so that I could take care of her and she'll love me more" or whatever sarcastic response.
And for my parents and sister, who struggle with N tendencies already, the pregnancy is a field day. I think my sister and mom spend most of their days discussing what I'm doing wrong. The funniest thing happened that I just have to share-- from day 1, the clinic that I went to for fertility treatments has been a point of contention with my family. My sister especially told me continually that going there was a bad idea, they would never take me anyway, there was no reason to go, it was a waste of money, they were just expensive for no reason, etc. Why? Well, you know, my family is crazy. So, nothing but negativity so much so that when I went to the clinic I stopped contact with my whole family for three weeks. A nice, quiet three weeks
I just couldn't take being told at every turn what was bound to go wrong. Anyway, recently the clinic has gotten a lot of press, no idea why now in particular, for being stellar. I knew it was stellar already from researching the statistics on it (not that my family listened to this a bit, in fact they argued with ! the statistics) and because, ahem, I WENT THERE! and experienced it. So now that it is a "celebrity" sort of place, "number one," they are thrilled I went there and are (1) telling everyone that I went there, and (2) ... explaining to me that I should have listened to them the whole time because.... it was their idea!!! And they tell me that the statistics on the clinic are quite good. Well, wow! Nice to know. The same statistics they didn't listen to a bit before. Evidently my mom and sister have decided that they pushed me to go there all along but I resisted. My sister especially has my mom convinced of this, and lately I get the impression my mom has decided that she, too, was one of the instigators for me to go there. When in fact all they did was negatively insult me, the place, and the whole idea. Thank HEAVENS I had learned by then to stop listening to them.
Isn't craziness interesting?
