October, your mother thinks she is a witch? In the sense of practicing paganism, or in the sense of being a witch who can cast spells and such? That is so interesting. I guess it is a way for her to proclaim her specialness. Reminds me of the scientologists who have decided they are actually reincarnated superior beings (they have words for it but I don't quite get the jargon).
So classic N!
My mother is a highly malevolent being. She is very bitter, very angry, very full of hatred. At the same time, she poses as a mother and grandmother, with all that this entails. She hides behind it, like a cardboard cutout, but if you look closely you can see the nasty creature behind. Most of my family prefer not to look.
She thinks she can put the 'fluence' on people or things. By this she means that with the power of thought she can make things happen that would not otherwise happen. So if someone is going for a job interview she will say, very confidently, 'You will get the job', as if she has inside knowledge. Then, if they do not, she forgets that she said it. If they do, she takes the credit for the 'fluence', and says 'I told you so', and puffs up to twice her normal size. In this way she has built up the idea in her own mind that she can manipulate situations, and bend events to her will.
Invariably, when she talks about this, I make fun of it. I say, don't be silly, or you are pretending to be the wicked witch of the west again, are you. I don't ever let her think I believe it for one single moment. If I saw her riding a broomstick across the sky, I would say, come down you dozy bat and stop messing around.
She does not involve herself with other witches, or with any organisation, (because she is superior to them, I would imagine; they are just playing, she is the real authentic object.) She is a sad, powerless, old woman, except when we - the people who love her (God help us all!!) - allow her to have too much influence over what we do, in order to keep the peace, and keep her happy. Mostly, I stay away, and my daughter is learning to do the same. Mostly, my brothers and their families are enmeshed.
A t told me once that in one sense my mum is right, and that she is a witch. She can make things happen by wanting them to. She is highly manipulative, and she never, ever asks for anything. She has trained my dad to mindread, and made him thoroughly unhappy in the process, but he seems to be content with it now. To me, watching them, when I know she wants something and is manoeuvering towards it without being direct, it is bizarre the level of blindness and denial that exists.
I imagine my mum is very disappointed that I do not follow the family line of witchiness. She has no idea of my spiritual side, or my religious beliefs, because they are too important to allow her to pollute. I reject completely the idea of me manipulating people, nature or God to do what I want just because I want it. (However nice that would be
) and stick with the Christian view that it is up to God to direct, and us to do the best we can with whatever we have.
Which is why I am a sad disappointment to her, and she can sigh and make disappointed noises to everyone about what a heartless, sadistic daughter she has, and what a martyr she is to not disown me completely. And because of the cardboard cutout mother figure they believe it, without a shred of evidence of real love or compassion or maternal instinct from her. Bizarre.
