Therapist saying goodbye.

[October]

Edited highlights of a letter from Diane, my last therapist

Dear October
Thank you for your recent email.  It is encouraging to see that you felt able to ask directly for help, something that we have talked about and I know you find difficult to do.  (Patronising *****!!)

I can understand your distress at my leaving, not having been able to help you resolve all of the problems we have identified.  However, as we have discussed, it would be unprofessional of me to recommend a treatment for ptsd when it does not appear to be the main cause of the problems you have been describing. (She means acute ptsd)

The symptoms you have described appear to be related to interpersonal issues that have developed from your early relationships in childhood.  They have been exacerbated by more recent traumas, which have reduced the effectiveness of the ways you had previously used to manage them.

(In other words, this is fully consistent with a diagnosis of complex ptsd, as I told her in our last meeting.  But she is ignoring that completely.)

I would therefore like to be able to offer you a specialist, more long-term therapy but unfortunately these are not available in (location).  I am sorry you are angry at the lack of resources, we too are frustrated by the situation.  By all means feel free to complain to your GP or those who make funding decisions at the Primary Care Trust.

Then refers me back to psychiatrist at local hospital and gives details of this.

If at any time you might be in danger of harming yourself or someone else, I strongly recommend that you go to your GP or to the A&E department, where there is always a psychiatrist on call.

With best wishes.

[bunny]

Does she have a supervisor you can send this letter to? It's pretty outrageous.

bunny

[October]

Does she have a supervisor you can send this letter to? It's pretty outrageous.

bunny

I took it to my GP surgery today and left it with one of the nurses, and told her that I can't make an appointment to see a doctor because my doctor phobia is very strong, but that perhaps he could do something about it.  My GP is really nice, and he promised (over a year ago) that whatever help I needed he would make sure I got it.  This is not happening.  I told the nurse that the letter tells me to complain, but that I am not resilient enough to complain, nor do I want to. I only want treatment.

I have never been given the name of her supervisor, although I have asked for other names, for times when I have problems with her.  She didn't ever give me any other names.  In the UK people having mental health treatment are supposed to have a team working with them, and are supposed to know the names of all the team.  I have never had a team.  I have a psychiatrist who is there to prescribe, and who tells me 'not to bother' going to see him.  (Which reinforces the doctor phobia.  I never want to go where I am not wanted.)  And the t, Diane, who has just left.

And the GP is the one who makes the initial referral, and who is supposedly in a kind of overview or fallback position.  I am not sure whether he will do anything or not. Probably not.

[spyralle]

Hi October,

As a psych nurse there are two words I would like to obliterate from the English language...  The first one is 'funding'  the second is PCT (not really a word but you know what I mean).  Both these words get often get in the way of people getting the help they really need...  i would try going back to your psychiatrist and GP and insist that this is affecting your life in such an adverse way that is disabling you.  if this is too difficult is there anyone who could go with you...?  These are professionals who are earning sackloads of money.  they need to be made accountable...  If you find it too difficult to go then make sure you write everything down and send a copy to everyone (GP, Psychiatrist, supervisor etc...)  It would also be useful to copy it tto the PCT Lead.  What qualifications does this woman have.  Is she counsellor or psychotherapy trained? What ever she is she has a coe of practice to abide by!!!!!  I know exactly what you mean about resilience.  The same thing happened to me when my partner died.  All I wanted was grief counselling but you would think that I had asked for the moon!!!!.. 

I am really learning from this experience, how little support there is out there for women like us (or men for that matter).  If I was not in such a messed up state of mind I would start a support group myself..... xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Spyralle x

[Sallying Forth]

Hi October,
Your former therapist's termination letter is despicable.

I have a similar problem with doctors of all kinds and psychiatrists in particular.

Sorry to hear you are going through such bull cr*p!

[Stormchild]

October --

This person's conduct is reprehensible and she should not be doing counseling. That doesn't help the damage she has done to you and is clearly still trying to inflict -- sadistic, vindictive creep -- but hopefully it helps, even a little, to be validated in your assessment of her.

Definitely a sadistic creep. Definitely vindictive. Sorry you got this, you certainly do not deserve it.

((((((((((October))))))))))

[dogbit]

She's just covering her posterior, legally.  Morally and ethically, she's a posterior.

[Sallying Forth]

She's just covering her posterior, legally.  Morally and ethically, she's a posterior.

LOL!

I've had one of those T's who quit without notice after seeing me for 6 months. She was a butt!

[spyralle]

Hi October,

Before I found this therapist that I have just found.  I went back to my old therapist.  I rang him in a state of desperation and he said that I must go to see him immedaitely.  I went the next day and spilled my guts all over him for an hour about how I had been abandoned.  He then calmly told me that he had no spaces and could not fit me in...  I left his office in a terrible state whilst he just sat there in his chair.  I believe that some therapists get a bit carried away with their own omnipotence.....

Spyralle x

[longtire]

Hi October,

Before I found this therapist that I have just found.  I went back to my old therapist.  I rang him in a state of desperation and he said that I must go to see him immedaitely.  I went the next day and spilled my guts all over him for an hour about how I had been abandoned.  He then calmly told me that he had no spaces and could not fit me in...  I left his office in a terrible state whilst he just sat there in his chair.  I believe that some therapists get a bit carried away with their own omnipotence.....

Spyralle x

Another posterior therapist.    I had gone back to my longtime therapist to work through my separation issues recently, but left earlier this year when he told me that he didn't think my wife was abusive and kept trying to get me to proove beyond all doubt that the things I was telling him really happened.  What a posterior! 

[October]

Well, now for an update.  As I said, I left the letter with the surgery, with a message about my dr phobia.  It sounds flippant to say this, but it is not far short of terror now.  Especially if it is a man.

Then, just as I thought it couldn't get any worse, it did.

I got a phone call yesterday telling me to go for a mandatory examination by a government doctor, to check whether I am a benefit fraud or not (that is not how they word it, but that is the reason for this).  It is on the 19th.  I went to pieces as the woman was talking to me; I couldn't remember what she was saying, and my hands were shaking.  She said they would send a letter to confirm the details, and I asked her to state in my notes that I am agoraphobic, and this will be very difficult for me, and I may not be able to cope with it.  She said she would.  But I still have to go.   

I last went for one of these about 4 years ago, and left in a terrible state - really traumatised.  And with ptsd you get the exact experience back when you get reminded of it.  So 4 years on I am back there again, over and over again, and having to try to find my way to the reality of today, but that is just as bad.  Getting grounded into a nightmare is no grounding.

At the end the dr wanted to take my bp, and I wanted to scream at him; 'Don't you touch me!!!', but I had to sit still and let him do it, and I felt so dirty, horrible.  Humiliated.  Then over and over afterwards, the words he used and the pictures of being there.

I am very very fearful of a nervous breakdown at this point.  The effort of keeping a grip is really hard, and I am afraid I can't do it for long.

I need to find someone to go with me, but it has to be someone who can cope with seeing me fall apart, and still retain faith that I am not mad.  I don't think there is such a person around here, so I will probably go on my own.  That is going to be hard.

Apart from that ...   

[d'smom]

OMG i just read your update....... how could they do this to you right now with everything else happening........@@@@@@!!

the scariest thing about the way these govt people do things is that they dont seem to acknowlege that the more difficult time a person is having, the less able they are to advocate for what they need.... but yet you are expected to advocate for yourself to get anything........  its a catch-22 they dont seem to really see..  but then to jump on with trying to claim you are faking it somehow, that just seems sadistic.....

you are such an obviously good person and it just seems like things are not letting up for you right now.......  i really hope things turn around really soon.

i dont know if its as bad here as there........ it sounds really bad there......... but, its similar, in that the govt people are extremely limited by funds....... and if they cant afford to do something for you, rather than just say that, they will try to convince you 1)either the prob doesnt really exist,  or 2) you are somehow wrong to be asking for help........ thats just the way they do it when they are underfunded.....

it really sounds like they are trying both tactics right now...... (ie, you really dont have ptsd, and if that fails, you must be faking everything) unbelievable.

anyway i really hope things go well and maybe you can find an advocate or friend to help out w/moral support........

i have govt funded medical care too, and its frightening, and yours sounds worse.......  their concern is always covering their butt.   they also denied the head injury thing for 4 years...... the only reason that was treated was becuase my dr was on vacation and his stand-in didnt know i 'wasnt allowed' to see a neurologist, so let me go..... :}

govt insurance wouldnt cover it, so for 4 years they had told me i didnt need to go, while my life fell apart more and more.... they actually went so far as to deny the neurologist i saw (that they referred me to) was actually a doctor. (that was a funny one)  but yet, the treatment he gave me, totally cured my problems the first day.   he himself told me i should have come in for treatment years before.  the condition i had was degenerative.. there is no telling how bad it would have gotten.  if they had treated me when i first asked, I would not have lost D.  its SCARY.

anyway i just wish you the best with this cr*p. with govt healthcare you really do have to advocate for everything you get so wishing you a lot of peace and strength.  & i dont know if you find that breathing helps but breathing deeply helps me with fear.......... it might also help to keep talking. like if the dr wants to do something that scares you, tell him "this will really scare me and i want you to know that". even if he has to do it, at least you will have made it clear how you feel...... it might take away some of the powerlessness...... <<<<<october>>>>>>
d's mom

[October]

OMG i just read your update....... how could they do this to you right now with everything else happening!!

 it might also help to keep talking. like if the dr wants to do something that scares you, tell him "this will really scare me and i want you to know that". even if he has to do it, at least you will have made it clear how you feel...... it might take away some of the powerlessness...... <<<<<october>>>>>>
d's mom

I don't think this is personal.  It is just life.  Sometimes it kicks you when you are down.  And sometimes it is one thing after another.  With me it has been like that for years and years.  One step forward and three steps back all the time.  I have given up hoping for it to get better; all I ask is to survive.

Somehow I have to hold it together until I get into that room, then let him see how I am enough for him to understand, rather than hiding it, and then somehow manage to get home again.

Last time I had a friend with me.  I walked out of the building all the way holding onto the wall, then back home for a cup of tea and several days to recover.  I often hold the wall after seeing doctors.  Not sure why; part of keeping touch with reality and not losing my mind.

Really afraid of losing it this time.  However, I am stronger than I know.  (I hope!!)

Thanks, D's mum.

[October]

I had gone back to my longtime therapist to work through my separation issues recently, but left earlier this year when he told me that he didn't think my wife was abusive and kept trying to get me to proove beyond all doubt that the things I was telling him really happened.  What a posterior! 

Yes, I have had a t deny the reality of my abuse and of my trauma as well.  Very nasty thing to cope with, because if you are like me you give credence to their opinion before working out that they are talking - erm - rubbish.  Thanks for understanding, Longtire.

[October]

 I left his office in a terrible state whilst he just sat there in his chair.  I believe that some therapists get a bit carried away with their own omnipotence.....

Spyralle x

You are absolutely right, Spyralle.  I have told ts over and over that the 'protections' that they have in place are one sided, and all to protect the t from the reality of our lives, rather than to allow them to see it as it is.  There is no flexibility, no humanity, no relationship possible while they are so guarded and hidden behind 'professionalism'.  As with my t in the letter I quoted.  Pretending that to do what I need would be unprofessional, while to me what is unprofessional is the way she left, and the provision she made for me for the future.

If I had behaved to clients like this when I worked in PR I would not have lasted a week.  It just would not be tolerated in the business world, but because we are perceived as dependent and needy, the power is all on one side.  It is appalling, and it is abusive to treat people this way.  And I do not use the word lightly.