now my brain is settling i want to share some of the **good news** that happened. theres not really too many i can share it with, hope the list doesnt mind me sharing it here beucase im personally reeally excited about it! yay
either way - what we talked about.
i was advised to ask her about what -she- wanted re: coming back etc.
so i did. i told her i was hoping for her to be back here by the start of 8th grade (a year from now) i asked her what she thought and what she wanted.
she didnt say anything about any connection to them to think about........... she mainly talked about school and missing her friends... (expected that)
she told me she cant express her feelings there... she said although she cares about them, the things they do dont make her feel loved... and she doesnt like the way they 'monitor' our calls --- her quote: she "finds it strange" that they let her talk to her "boyfriend" on the phone, alone in her room --- ("and at my age I thought 'boyfriends' were 'forbidden'" ) with no supervision or guidelines at all <<i find that strange too!!>> but with her mom, who she is "supposed to be closer to than anyone in the world" they "totally monitor our calls".......
well! > this may not seem a big huge deal....... but one of my biggest issues has been their known ability to brainwash, and whether or not they were going to succeed at it with her. it takes a big weight off to think they are maybe not succeeding as much as they were trying to.
she said she was involved in school and friends right now of course - and that what she wanted to do was come back here at the start of -9th- grade, when she would be changing schools anyway. its not like i want to wait that long...... but its honestly better than nothing...... at least its something to plan for and its not bad thinking, it is a natural transition.
together we picked a high school she was real excited about and talked about getting a scholarship. (she wants to try to get an art scholarship.)
she was talking about what we would do in her room, (right now its decorated for an 8 yr old) and where she would be putting her computer and all different things. she said spontaneously in conversation several times - "when i am here" or "when i bring my computer up"..... as though she were completely planning on it.
i asked her, what would happen if they said no or didnt allow it. her response: "frick them. I'll do it anyway." ((
))
she even told my psychiatrist and several others about it ..... she calls it "our plan" .....
of course....... this changes so much mentally and emotionally..... its something to plan on...... it removes so much of the uncertainty. i know she wants it. that means so much.
also she said she is not too much into money and the 'stuff' they try to give her. thats good news beuase they usually count on manipulating people through materialism, so if that isnt going to work, they have lost a big tool. their next tool is fear. but she is getting to the point where i think that will work less and less too.
also..... by the time she had been here 2 weeks, her attitude was sooo different. she was not being 'morbid' and 'pessimistic' all the time (her description of herself down there) she said her next story would be 'much more lighthearted' --- that is my girl. she wasnt talking like a vampire all the time and she had largely just let it go and was talking normally.
its amazing how free expression and unconditional acceptance opens up a persons attitude.
all this was GOOD GOOD GOOD!!!!!!!!! thanks for letting me share some the best news I have had in..... well........ i'd say three or four years.
you all are great. id be LOST without this place to share and listen.
d's mom
