Is this where my friendships crumble????!!!!

[Chicken]

Now that my therapist has opened another can of worms labeled "my friendships" -the one I initially didn't want to open because i thought it was fine, thank you very much!  I find myself observing them, which I am not really happy doing as I am afraid what i will find... 

I have a friend whom I thought I was close to.  We hadn't seen each other for a while, she finally called me and said that she'd like to see me and she would pop around on the following tuesday to hang out in my flat and chill and catch up.  I said that would be lovely.  Tuesday came along, and at about 2pm I got a text from her saying that she forgot she had an appointment with the bank, and that she'd call me as soon as she was done. 
I got a text from her a week later saying sorry that she forgot about the bank appointment, not mentioning that she had also promised to call me after it was finished with.  I replied all along saying "no problem, lots of love" etc, as generally I wouldn't have a problem with this kind of thing.  I hadn't heard from her for another few weeks until Thursday asking me if I'd like to come out with her and her mother who is in town this weekend.  I phoned her back (left a voice message) saying, I was working those nights but would love to meet up with her for lunch before I go to work.  No response. 
I texted her yesterday telling her that her purse (which she left in my Mothers house when we went there to stay on a girly weekend away last month) had arrived in the post.  She immediately got back to me wanting to know when I could bring her purse into work with me so she could pop in to pick it up.  She said she was going to pop in to my work to see me yesterday, which she didn't.  Now she can drop everything and collect her purse.  It seems her purse has more worth than our friendship!

Oh God, am I seeing cracks in my friendships now too?  Is nothing solid anymore?

Normally, I would let things like this slide as life is so hectic sometimes it's hard to catch up etc

I am now very hurt and angry at her and I will for the first time say it to her without reacting, which I am more inclined to do. 

Am I over reacting?

[Plucky]

Hi Selkie,
I think it is important to make a distinction between the behavior of this one friend and your friendships in general.  She has been in your life for a while, and maybe it was good, maybe not, I know you are rethinking that.  But this does not automatically call into question your entire friendship base.   Maybe you want to clean out your friendship closet at this point, and your T thinks you are strong enough to do it.  It is scary.   You revert to thinking that you have no friends, or that you cannot make friends, or nobody cares about you really, or there is something really wrong with you and you will never have a friend.  All of this is panic relating to the self image you formed as a result of unnatural abuse by a sick person.  It is not reality.   Try to stay focused on the fact that this is one set of behavior from one friend, which may or may not have an acceptable explanation, not a sweeping condemnation of your overall ability to have friends.  Chin up, and go ahead and do that work.  It is a good thing.
Plucky

[Chicken]

Plucky,
Thank you, you are bang on!  i think I was in a very sensitive mood earlier and I generalized all my friendships because of one situation!  I do have wonderful friends, and this one is just an exception.
Thanks for setting me right
x Selkie x

[Sallying Forth]

Part of my therapy has been to exam all my relationships. Sometimes I waited too long to do so and to my detriment. Other times I could see immediately that something was amiss.

I had a friend like the one you mention. She was an odd gal but I didn't think anything of her behavior for a long time. As time went on her behaviors got worse. I realize now the relationship was a theme for all my relationships. The outstanding theme was abuse and neglect. My friend's abuse and neglect was subtle at first but more blatant later.

One incident which bothered me a lot: We arranged to meet for a late lunch. The time came and went and my friend didn't show up. I literally sat in my car in front of my house waiting for her. My house is a ways from the street and is well insulated against sound. An hour later I decided that she wasn't coming. She didn't call me. She didn't email me. She just never showed up. And this wasn't the first time. Before I would have called or emailed her. This time I decided to not pursue her. I waited.

Several days later she emailed me and apologized for missing our lunch date. I told her I had waited an hour in the car for her. Her reply, "you shouldn't have done that. Why didn't you just call me?" More like why didn't she call ME? Of course that never occurred to her.

Apparently that would have been impossible since she later told me she went shopping just before our date. She said she lost all track of time and decided it was too late to meet with me. And apparently too late to call or email me as well.

They were many other incidents like this. It soon became apparent that she was N. This was shortly after I read the diagnostic sheet for NPD. I decided then to kick her out of my life for good. She was shocked. I was elated. And just like a N she rubbed my face in the break up saying how I was so screwed up and she was perfectly fine. Typical N.