My ex-husband was and is an evil person, a person of the lie, per M. Scott Peck. He molested our daughter, using and abusing her as a pawn, to get back at me for leaving him. He did this for ten years...and I did everything possible to get him out of her life. We were in family therapy for years; my ex never would participate and did anything and everything he could to stop us from getting help for our daughter. We determined, with the help of therapy, that my ex was getting a tremendous amount of supply by abusing our daughter and seeing my distress. He was also getting direct supply by abusing me verbally any time he could. It also took years of fighting through the courts and through the CPS to have him taken completely out of our daughter's life. My daughter was manipulated into trying to protect him, but finally gave up when she was about 13 when she couldn't stand it anymore. She started acting out so badly that she ended up in residential treatment for a couple years. That helped her to some extent and she was able to come back to live with us. After the courts cut my ex off, he was still trying to call here, as insane as that sounds.
My dear current husband put a message on our voice mail that we were not accepting any calls from _______ _________. We both knew that the ex would see this as a form of outing him and that it would work as a deterrant. My ex was always soooo concerned about what other people would think, so hearing a message like that he would see that we were dealing publicly with the reality of what he was, and not the fiction of who he pretended to be. He immediately stopped calling. We left the message on our voice mail for a couple of years.
If my ex-husband ever calls again, it will go right back on.
Another thing my ex tried to do was send messages through other people. We would simply state that we were not interested in talking about ________ __________ and went on to talk of other things. The co-dependent message carrying stopped quickly too. In fact, a few people expressed relief and said they had stopped talking to the ex.
We are still picking up the pieces, years later, of course. My poor daughter bore the brunt of it and has deep emotional scars. She never willingly participated in therapy. I think that getting honest about her father just felt too painful and scary for her. Knowing how molesters work, I am sure that he made her feel as if it was her fault for "making him do it."...so she probalby feels lots of shame and guilt. I am also pretty sure he threatened her.....and threatened that she would be taken away from me completely if she divulged anything. I am hoping some day she will be motivated to get some serious help, but as her mom, alll I can do is love her and offer support. We avoid the topic of my ex-husband; it is too loaded with negativity and bad feelings for all of us to deal with.
Well, I didn't mean to get into all of this, but the voice mail message and the telling mutual acquaintances that you are just not interested may help get rid of Mr. N.
