Hello Luvmyjacks,
you made great efforts to help your brother. You know that you were willing and sincere about wanting to help him, and you actually did take many steps. Through no fault of your own, you were thwarted.
Just think how you would have felt if you had not acted on your intention to help him. Think how awful that would feel. Yes, you are angry and hurt at the result. But at least you know that you did your all. He knows you were there for him. You cannot blame yourself for anything. You did give him that love, and maybe he was not able to turn back, but he did feel it.
We often are told that the suicidal person is sometimes beyond help. That it is not really anyone else's responsibility or within their ability to help them. I do not have personal experience, but I have to think that there are some limits on what you could have accomplished in righting all the wrongs that led to his act.
You could be angry at your mother forever, but I am not sure that would accomplish much, other than making you bitter. She has her own acts to answer to. You may think that she does not realise this, but I think a person has to, on some level. Otherwise they wouldn't keep on dodging the responsibility and trying to deflect the blame onto others.
You have a lot to deal with, and your progress is admirable. I wish you well.
Plucky
