Author Topic: musings from my fiance's XN-wife  (Read 1242 times)

Engel_auf_Urlaub

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musings from my fiance's XN-wife
« on: September 14, 2005, 02:40:05 AM »
By way of introduction, I am somebody who formerly frequented this and other message boards about narcissism and was helped immeasurably by them, so I still come back from time to time.  My (wonderful and like me, codependent) fiance found a computer file his (hugely narcissistic) ex-wife had written a long time ago.  I thought it was a classic example of the narcissistic sense of entitlement, so wanted to share it.  It also nicely illustrates the analogy that narcissists are essentially three-year-old psyches inside adult bodies.  By the way, my fiance's name is NOT Mark (i.e., his ex-wife would travel with other men while she was married to him, and she would demand that he pay for the trip).  Peace and love to all...


I do not want to take other people’s trips anymore.

I don’t want to go to countries other people choose.

 I don’t want to go to countries that I even may have chosen but go on other people’s itineraries. I want to choose my own itinerary in each country.

I want to choose how long I am going to go and not be forced to choose that based on how long the other person wants to go.

 I want to go during the time of year that I choose and not the time of year or dates that someone else chooses.

I don’t want to be getting someone else a plane ticket by redeeming my own points, I want to use the points for myself and if I use them for someone else they aren’t there for me to use. Plus, it is a HUGE hassle to be on the phone figuring out flights and dates and the other person isn’t there and I have no clue as to what dates or flights would be best for them.

I want to choose my own style of travel. For example, I don’t want to party because someone else wants to party. I don’t want to see castles and gardens just because someone else wants to see those.

I want to choose the order in which I see things in a particular city.

I want to choose the types of things I want to see in each city.

  I want to have my own sleep schedule, not someone else’s sleep schedule. I want to be able to get up when I want to and go to sleep when I want to. I don’t want to get up at the same time every morning because we are catching breakfast or going on a tour.

 I want to space my trips the way I want to space them and not because someone else has to go on these dates, therefore I have to.

 I don’t want to have back to back trips because I am accommodating someone else’s dates that they have to go.

I want to pick the number of days I stay in each place within a country.

I want to figure out how much of the country I want to see. Maybe I just want to see the eastern part, the other person wants to see the entire country.

I want to drive when I want to and rest when I want to.

 I want to stay as long as I want to and as short as I want to at each tourist stop without being told by someone else it is too long or too short.

I want to be able to get to the airport when I want to, e.g Spain with Tes.

I want to stay at the types of hotels I want to, and not have to stay at B and B’s because someone else can’t afford the places I can stay at.

I don’t want to be confined by someone else’s budget as to what I can do on a trip, e.g. hotels v. b and b’s, meals.

I want the emphasis on my activities, not someone else, e.g Phyllis loves to eat.

I don’t want to have to get up at a certain time to catch breakfast because it is part of the package deal. 

I only want to travel with people I am COMPLETELY comfortable with. I don’t want to have to hassle with someone else’s personality on a trip that I am supposed to be having fun on.

I want to travel with someone who pays me back, e.g. Theresa,, Tes= NO

I want to travel with someone who doesn’t keep trying to shortchange me on money or argue with me about money, e.g. Mark

I want to travel with someone who does their fair share of the work before and during the trip, e.g. Mark, Vicki   

I don’t like small hotel rooms or small bathrooms.

I don’t like moving from place to place every night. I like staying in one place and unpacking so that I can find things and don’t have to keep putting the suitcase on the bed.

I want to research things myself and see what is exciting to me that I would want to see. I want to be able to read books and know that I will get to see the things I have marked in yellow. 

I want to stay at hotels that I know will have shampoo, conditioner, soap, telephone, clock, pen and paper by the nightstand, a nightstand for each person.

I don’t want to get there and then find a place to stay. I want to make all the reservations here.

I don’t want to go on a trip where someone wants to go to discos and try to pick up a guy instead of just spending the time with me. If they want to spend the time with someone else on the trip, I don’t want to be there. 

I don’t want to have to put clothes in my suitcase for activities that I don’t want to do, e.g., going to nightclubs in Spain.

I don’t want to hold someone else’s plane ticket for them until we meet at the airport, e.g. Tes in Spain 

I want to travel with people who will also do the driving.

David P

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Re: musings from my fiance's XN-wife
« Reply #1 on: September 14, 2005, 03:39:14 AM »
Typical ! I guess that your fiance never even dented her 'brat barrier'.

longtire

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Re: musings from my fiance's XN-wife
« Reply #2 on: September 14, 2005, 10:59:17 PM »
Just for the record, I'd be happy to travel overseas with anyone, stay anywhere, plan ahead or not, I'll even wake up on time for the breakfast that is part of the package.  Heck, I'll even sleep in the tiny closet in your tiny hotel room.  Sigh... I think I need to practice my N tendencies, I just can't be that demanding and picky.  :D :mrgreen:
longtire

- The only thing that was ever really wrong with me was that I used to think there was something wrong with *me*.  :)

amethyst

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Re: musings from my fiance's XN-wife
« Reply #3 on: September 14, 2005, 11:21:09 PM »
 :shock: Thanks for sharing this. This may be one of the best glimpses we ever get into the internal monologue of an N. (I was going to say internal dialogue, but I think N's only have monologues.....lol.)  It's pretty terrifying.

I'm with you, Longtire. I'll stay anywhere for a chance to travel. Jeez, I even love to camp.

Bloopsy

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Re: musings from my fiance's XN-wife
« Reply #4 on: September 15, 2005, 01:02:13 AM »
hee hee!!! she may as well say " I will never travel again" oh no!!!!!