A therapeutic relationship can never be a friendship. That is crossing a boundary.
I have to disagree with this. I consider my therapist a very good friend and that aspect of the relationship has been very helpful to my healing process. It has never been inappropriate, nor has he crossed any boundaries or ever made me uncomfortable. I firmly believe that when our professional relationship is finished, that we will remain lifelong friends. I have never felt like I was paying to have a friend.
I admit to having very limited experience with therapy and perhaps in most cases they shouldn't be friends, but maybe the term "never" is too strong.
Brigid
Hi Brigid,
Let me clarify, developing a friendship DURING the psychotherapeutic relationship is never acceptable.
http://www.advocateweb.org/hope/boundariesinrelationships.asp Boundaries in Professional Relationships
Excerpt from article:
Social Involvement Scale, which included the following items:
Became friends with client after termination
Disclosed details of your current personal stresses to a client.
Invited clients to an office/clinic open house
Went out to eat with a client after a session
Invited clients to a personal party or social event
Borys (1988) also found considerable variability within the psychotherapy fields (psychology, social work, psychiatry) as to what is deemed acceptable in a number of areas. For example, therapists' responses to the following boundaries questions yielded the following very varied opinions:
Accept a gift under $ 10: 19.5% never, 53% several, 10.4% all clients
Accept invitation to client's special event: 50% never, 22% few, 3.4% some
Becoming friends after termination: 65% never, 23% few, 3.3% several clients
Treating an employee: 57% never, 12.8% few, 3% some clients
Disclose own stresses to client: 59% never, 26.8% few, 9.7% some, 1.3% many
Invite to open house: 50% never, 5.7% few, 6.7% some, 2.7% many, 3.4% all
Depending on the school of therapy one belongs to a particular boundary may be more or less important. For a behaviorist to visit a client's home to perform an en-vivo desensitization may be quite proper, whereas for a psychoanalyst to make a home visit might be a boundary crossing.
he Zone of Helpfulness
In the 1950's and 1960's concern was about genuineness, warmth, and "connecting with the client." Researcher's studied these things and their impact on therapy and counseling. By the mid-1970's into the 1980's the concerns were about intrusiveness, exploitation, and abuse -- all seen as a consequence of over-involvement. Studies have shown that either extreme can be harmful.
Zone of Helpfulness Range From:
Distant/cold/formal/aloofMy therapist didn't care.
I should have left therapy.
I never felt support or caring.
To:
Intrusive/over-involvedMy therapist tried to run my life.
My therapist had sex with me.
My therapist wanted to be my mentor.
The key is to be somewhere in the Zone of Helpfulness, whether one tends to be more formal, or one tends to be more emotionally involved or in greater physical contact.
Excessive self-disclosure is the single most common precursor to therapist-client sex:
Disclosing current personal needs or problems;
Disclosure as common, rather than rare event, during sessions;
Disclosing things not clearly connected to client's problems or experiences; or not clearly things which would be likely to encourage or support client;
Self-disclosure not only frequent, but uses up more than a few minutes in a session;
Self-disclosure occurs despite apparent client confusion or romantization.
For Colleagues or Supervisors (Psychotherapists)Some areas which require watchfulness are:
Obvious therapist distress or upset
Therapeutic drift -- shifting style and approach to a given client
Lack of goals and reflection on progress in therapy
Therapy which exceeds normal length for a client of that type in the particular therapist's practice.
Exceeding areas of competence, reluctance to refer for other therapy, assessment, etc.
Unwise techniques:
Routine hugs
Face to face, intimate hugs
Excessive touch
Sessions in non-traditional setting when this isn't necessary
Adult clients on lap
Routine or common socializing with clients
Excessive self-disclosure by therapist
Direct intervention in client's life
Becoming enmeshed in client's life -- treating close friends or family members
Unique vulnerabilities:
Attraction
Over-identification with client
Uniquely similar family dynamics
Divorce or loss in therapist's life
Identity disturbance in therapist