October,
I appreciate your words of caution and I know you have had some very difficult experiences with therapists in the past. It is hard for me to put into words the exact feelings that I have for and about my T, and I know that if I said how I really feel, it would be met some with some strong criticism from members of this board. This is my only long-term therapeutic experience. I know I would not have stuck with it if I had not been totally comfortable from day one, felt safe and cared for. My T and I have a great caring for each other in a brother-sister (probably more likely father-daughter in my case) kind of way.
I appreciate that your situation is not the same as mine.
I may not be able to comment further, or even read your posts, because this therapist I had was my Vicar at the time, in the Anglican Church, which is our version of Episcopalian. Maybe with vicars they think it is ok to blur the lines.
I thought so too, then, but I would not think so any more, after the damage that Michael did to me. He used our sessions more and more to talk about himself and his family problems. In the end, he spread lies about me to anyone who would listen. As an example, he read selected parts of a letter I sent him to a mutual friend, to prove that I was in love with him. He read out 'I love you, Michael'. He did not read the next line, which said; 'I would never do anything to hurt you, or (wife's name) or your girls. Why would I want to do that?'
Fortunately for me, I had already given a copy of the full letter to this friend, as a kind of safety net. Just as well, in the event. So he was able to help me from a complete breakdown, but I came very close. And Michael just walked away.
All I can say is that I would have said the same things during the therapy as you are saying. I was friends with Michael, and his wife and children. I took his daughters to the seaside with mine. When it was their wedding anniversary, I made a cake for the party in our Church hall, and then another one for his induction to his new church. I thought this was friendship, but I was mistaken. It was always about power, and he had it all.
Sorry, I had better not go too far into reliving this one. I am sure your minister is different.
I do have a friend who is a minister, and who is a very good friend to me (mostly, although he has his thoughtless moments too!!), so it can be done. But I could never again have a minister as a therapist of any kind.
I wish you well on your journey, though, and I am happy for you. And rather envious. I cannot now attend church because of agoraphobia, in part brought on by my experiences over the years with one abusive therapist after another. Inter alia.
Peace be with you.