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How N's put a "crazy spin" on any subject they tal

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Anastasia:
As, I think it was Star, mentioned in one of her posts on this board:  her husband puts a crazy spin on anything they talk about and it throws her.  Nmother puts the craziest spins on just about any subjective comment there is.  It has thrown me loopy for years how she doesn't see reality as it really is but how she perceives it (which is in a crazy way).  Is this common to all narcissists?  Does anyone else have any experience with this behavior from their narcissist?  I always just thought my Nmother was crazy, but maybe this, too, is another symptom of narcissism. :?:

CC:
It is ABSOLUTELY a narcissistic trait.  It is, in some books on the subject literally called "crazy-making".  They extract what they want to hear from something you said and interpret it to their manipulative advantage.  The latest type I have been dealing with is the "paranoid" interpretation, where something I've said has been interpreted as a direct attack to my N mother.  Or, perhaps, you mean you say one thing, and they "repeat" it back to you, except it is completely different than what you actually said. One of our regular posters, Rob, appropriately has termed this "word twisting".

Don't worry, you are not crazy.  You said what you said, and you heard what you heard.  Don't argue with them, just know it in your heart.  Diffuse it the best you can by not validating their misinterpretation. Ignore, ignore, ignore.  Very much easier said than done, I struggle all the time.  Your defense mechanism is to deny, argue and defend.  But the truth is, the less you acknowledge the crazy making, the less tendency the N has to be a repeat offender.  When they see it is not effective, they stop using the tactic.

CC:
I just re-read your post, and think that perhaps you did not mean that the crazy spin is necessarily directed at YOU.  But the same word twisting applies - The interpretation of any subject matter is often what the N WANTS it to be percieved as- so they can somehow display their wisdom, or their need for understanding - or their need to point out other's faults and criticize to make themselves feel superior - or whatever need they are trying to fullfill.  My Nmother often does this with politics or larger scale subjects, so she can show me her refined education/breeding/intelligence level or identification with grandiose figures.

Rojo:
Hi, Anastasia

Well, let's see...my NMom does put some crazy spins on several things, which make absolutely no sense to me.  In a post I did a while ago, I mentioned how she advised me that I owe it to her to have children, and that I owed it to her to get married at a certain place, etc.  To me that's a crazy spin on the concept of a person's individual rights, namely mine.  

Other examples are better highlighted by her actions as opposed to just her verbiage.  She's still good friends with several, highly inappropriate persons, whose conduct in our family has been unacceptably damaging, even to her own kids.  None of these individuals have ever apologized for their actions, yet NMom not only condones but also encourages their continued involvement in our family and gets outraged when someone like myself reject these a-holes utterly.  She also absolutely refuses point blank to acknowledge the negative impact these people have had on our family, let alone the severity of the impact.

Her rather lame reasoning is that one needs to forgive and forget...move on.  It's as if by admitting the faults of these people exist, she perhaps feels she will in turn have to admit to errors in her judgement, which is something her N mind absolutely cannot do...being wrong is simply not an option for her.  So, she'll validate the conduct of these people, beyond all rational reasoning and, referencing your query, she will put any spin on the story as is necessary to accomplish the objective of not looking as though she's made a mistake by associating with them...no matter how despicable or damaging their, as well as her conduct is.

Go figure.   :?   Anastasia, I'm unsure whether or not I answered your question but this is my personal take on the subject of spinning.  I think spinning the facts is an integral part of the N's operating system.

God bless and hang in there.   :wink:

Rojo

Anastasia:
Let me give you a good example of the kind of crap my crazy Nmother does:  visiting her and a friend of hers came to visit.  This guy is a good guy, ex-Cop, and he helps all the old ladies in the area out.  
He and I sat chatting while my Nmother was talking with a realtor.  
I was talking about business and how I work (which is kinda workaholically sometimes) and how I do business--just general stuff--and he must have liked what he heard because he started to lean in and act verrrry interested.  He was giving me those "gosh, you are wonderful" looks.  I wan't making anything up, but just giving him my general philosophy on business and so forth.
After they left, Nmother says,"YOU just talked to (Mr. ex-Cop) TERRIBLY!"  I wasn't going to let this crap go by so I started grilling her:  "what do you mean by that?"  "exactly WHAT did I do or say that was terrible?" Etc. etc.
It came down to her saying weakly "well, you did talk louder than him."
So, what it came down to is this crazy Nmother was JEALOUS of her male friend talking to ME!!!  
I am just starting to realize how JEALOUS she has been of her own daughter--ME--all these years and how much she has screwed me over because of it.  Is this really the sickest or what?  Whew....I am still reeling from the realization of all that happened because of her.  
"Beware of weak people as they are dangerous!!!"
And, oh, yes...the "forgive and forget" b.s.  That crazy woman used to send me letters on how I couldn't "run away from my troubles" (just watch me, old lady!!!) and how I wouldn't forget the past...oh, brother!

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