Why do MEN STRAY??

[mum]

HI, Carla. I'm so sorry. You are in some good company here.  What a *%&$^#!!!
I would echo others:
Get a lawyer, and if you have kids, get the best lawyer you can possibly buy!
Get a good therapist and start focusing on yourself!

And don't let anyone's philosophical take on "why men cheat" translate into you blaming yourself!  (let that crap go in one ear and right out the other). The last thing you need right now is to feel slightly sorry for someone who clearly does not want anything to do with your marriage or take responsibility for his part in any of it.

And frankly, as per the discussion on men feeling left out of a marriage and having to cheat/leave without any discussion.....waaa waaaaa waaaaa.
A lot of men are big babies....feeling jealous of the attention their wife gives their own children. Gimme a break. Obviously I have no sympathy for men who place responsibility for their behavoir on someone (anyone else)!  Hmmmm are we talking about adolescents here???

Carla, take care of yourself, please.  Sending you love and light.
Mum

[Bloopsy]

Carla, do not let him put anything on you ---- it is not your fault about anything and whatever his reasons are are his reasons, I know it is hard but I also think that maybe it would be better for you to keep the focus on yourself becuase he seems like he is totally keeping the focus on himself and you need to take care of yourself.

[David P]

Hey girls( and boys) . Here is a real life story which deserves your comments.

I met a lady about a week ago in a dance club . Let's call her Viv. Viv is 48 years old - that puts her about 20 years ahead of me. She is slim attractive and lots of fun to hang with HOWEVER, last Monday evening, at closing time,  I walked her to her car and she opened up. She is married and still living with hubby. They have a semi-rural place on the oustskirts of town with a few horses and assorted animals. As we sat in her car and talked,she  blurted out that her marriage is emotionally over (for her ). She claimed that her husband is indifferent to her, takes her for granted and he attends to their dogs in a more caring way than he does to her.She also stated that he 'had other priorities these days' I took that to mean that he had other interests of a business nature which took all of his time.
 She went on to tell me how she really liked hanging with me and how she likes her new-found social life. ( she added some more intimate comments which I will omit here). Viv also said that her relationship with her husband had 'run out of steam' and she had moved a long way along the path of emotionally separation from him. I asked her what she liked about 'cruising four nights a week'
and she just grinned at me. She asked me to see her again and added," I love your Australian accent and the WAY that you are." ( I have the remnants of an Aussie accent - we migrated to the US when I was 14 years old. My Father was posted to the US Army).

I am hesitant about this 'relationship' with Viv given her circumstances. My common sense tells me to keep my distance for a couple reasons. In a way I feel like a male version of one of those female 'trade-in and trade up' blondes who seems to be the trophies for middle-aged guys who are 'bored'.
Is Viv any different to those 'men who stray' ?? She said that she is not willing to persue the 'counseling' route with her husband and that it is over for her because she feels totally neglected..

Tell me what yoall think.

David P.

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[Gail]

Oh David, I'm afraid you're going to get blasted.  She's still married!  Do you want to be in an adulterous relationship?  Get dragged into a court case?  Deal with an irate husband?

Run, baby, run!

Gail

[Bloopsy]

 Men have had much more freedom to leave their wives and children in this sexist society where the very govornment believs in the bible where men created women out of his rib. No wonder some women/female identified men would have their ribs removed LOL.

[mum]

Which of your heads is thinking here, David?
You are about to get used. She sounds quite a bit like "those men" (it certainly does go both ways).  You sound quite a bit like her next boy toy.

[David P]

Hey thanks girls - I was not about to get into anything with Viv. I was curious to explore whether the ladies on this forum would sympathize with Viv but at the same time condemn 'those men' who go looking for female companionship outside their marriage. The replies so far have been interesting and consistent in that you gals appear to apply the same behavioral standards to women and men alike - nice !

David P.
( Thanks for your concern Gail, but I can run from 'woman trouble' as fast as the next guy.)

[Bloopsy]

I feel like I would be more likely to sympathize with Viv than that husband in question in this case.

[Brigid]

David,
Since you are young enough to be my son, I will reply to you the same way I would to him.

Is Viv any different to those 'men who stray' ??

NO, NO, and NO!!!  She is a predator, looking for some fun with a much younger, cuter, boy toy with an Australian accent.  You said she is out clubbing 4 nights a week.  Do you think you are the first guy she has come on to?  This would be a relationship that was totally and completely about sex and nothing about being connected emotionally.  This is a recipe for a major disaster and you will be the big loser.  Please tell her that you are flattered by her interest (if you even want to go that far), but that you do not date married women.  Never mind that she is old enough to be your mom.  You are in a very vulnerable place right now and ripe for the picking for someone like her.  Please don't succumb to a tawdry, cheap relationship that will leave you feeling used and abused.  Work on getting yourself healthy and happy--then start looking for a healthy, happy, AVAILABLE, young lady who you can pursue a real relationship with.

Brigid 

PS  I guess lots of us were saying the same thing at the same time.  David, you have lots of moms here. 

[David P]

Hey, thanks Mom ( you really think I am cute?)

[Brigid]

David,
If you have an Aussie accent, you are automatically cute--no matter what you look like (but I'm sure you are adorable  ).  I would take Hugh Jackman home in a heartbeat.

Your adopted mom,

Brigid

[Gail]

Sorry, David, about my "run" comment.  I thought you were asking if you should be involved with her.  On closer read, I see you were asking about the woman's behavior.

I think if she wants to act like she's a single woman on the prowl, she should get divorced first.

Someone I know told me about taking a woman home who gave him the song and dance of marriage being on the rocks, husband neglectful, etc.  He found out the next morning, when hubby called to tell her he loved her, that she was just ticked at him for going on a trip, and this was her way of getting back at him.

I thought both behaved badly.

[write]

I have dated two married men, both who seemed to be in the same circumstances as me, both victims, marriage over etc etc, or so they said; lies, lies, lies....they're both still with their wives and were just looking for 'secret' relationships 'on the side'.

So that's a strict rule for me now- no involved or married men; I don't want to get caught up in someone's fantasy world!

[Moira]

Hi all!! I think you would be playing with fire should you pursue this. Would this involvement not include lying, manipulation etc just to pull this off and keep the secrecy? Do you need more pain and confusion? Not to mention unpredictable reactions of her partner and yours. Real potential for ugliness all the way around. I'm not going to pass judgement on anyone who does have affairs- I just think in this instance there are lots of single women out there who are comfortable with casual sex and do not want any kind of relationship. However still potential for you to be hurt. Moira

[David P]

G'day Brigid, So you would take Hugh Jackman home in a heartbeat ?? Oh dear Brigid -he is ugly and clumsy compared to the rest of us from 'down under' !! If your new man does not work out gimme a shout!!( On second thoughts, that would be kind of incestuous because you are my adopted Mom- oops, cancel the above proposiition)

DP. in TX.