Author Topic: Extreme pain  (Read 3824 times)

CeeMee

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 139
Re: Extreme pain
« Reply #15 on: October 25, 2005, 11:52:58 PM »
Ben,

I wanted to write in response to this obviously painful situation you are going through, hopefully you are still reading. 

I'm not sure what has upset you, but I can recall a post that I read in the Harassment string that I thought might cause some pain.  The exact words escape me now, but I beleive that it said something along the lines of "being too self absorbed."  When I read it, I immediately wondered if the comment was covertly being directed to your post or was it just meant as a personal reflection of the poster (the post has since disappeared from the board). 

Your reaction is one I have experienced many times.  Did it feel like an underhanded slap in the face for opening your heart and showing your vulnerability and pain?  I could totally see how it could and it may well have been meant in that way.  I don't know.  I wasn't the poster.  But in reading the post and as one who has reacted this way all too often in the past, I could also give the "offender" the benefit of the doubt.  I could believe (if I choose to) that the poster meant no harm to me whatsoever and was simply reflecting on his/her own issue or personal thoughts.  In my experience, it works to my advantage in the long run when I give the percieved offender the benefit of the doubt.  Taking it personally only serves to increase my pain and anger and many times, I have come to find out later, that I was wrong in my initial perception.

Looking at it from another angle,  as a newby to this board only months ago, I have posted reply comments that I did not put much thought into and upon reflection realized that they may not have taken into consideration how the reader might be impacted.  I have been particularly guilty of not recognizing someone's sensitivity to an issue and responding cavalierly.  I did not do it intentionally but it could have been perceived that way by others.   

So I have been on both sides of this issue.  I give some folks the benefit of the doubt and maybe they give me the benefit of the doubt.   Hopefully it works out in the end.  Communication is wrought with pitfalls, but as we strive to navigate more carefully, we can learn so much.   Taking a breather from the board is not a bad idea.  I've done it and came to find that I learn more from reading than posting. 

Maybe I'm way off the mark here, but I wanted to share these thoughts with you for whatever validation they may provide.

CeeMee

Chicken

  • Guest
Re: Extreme pain
« Reply #16 on: October 26, 2005, 05:50:53 AM »
...
« Last Edit: October 29, 2005, 06:55:11 AM by Selkie »

Sela

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1273
Re: Extreme pain
« Reply #17 on: October 26, 2005, 01:47:40 PM »
Quote
Most of us have been hurt or distressed by something someone has said on this board, but hopefully we can get beyond it and once again be souls on a somewhat common journey to peace and contentment.

Just resposting this as imo it is very wise October.  Worth repeating.

 :D Sela

October

  • Guest
Re: Extreme pain
« Reply #18 on: October 26, 2005, 04:34:19 PM »
Quote
Most of us have been hurt or distressed by something someone has said on this board, but hopefully we can get beyond it and once again be souls on a somewhat common journey to peace and contentment.

Just resposting this as imo it is very wise October.  Worth repeating.

 :D Sela


The N in me loves to be noticed, for whatever reason.  But the other part prefers credit where it is due.  This was a quote from Brigid.   :D

(And I am grateful for other people who have said nice things.  I just don't know how to say thank you without sounding either dismissive or - erm - whatever the opposite is.  But thank you.)

Sela as guest

  • Guest
Re: Extreme pain
« Reply #19 on: October 26, 2005, 11:32:15 PM »
Hahahahahaha!!!  Like Alph, I killllllll me!!  I swear I have to laugh or I'd be crying my entire life over the stupid things I do!  Sorry but take the compliment anyhow October, even if you didn't say it, you've said equally worth repeating/wise stuff and at least you quote correctly (as far as I can see anyhow 8)), unlike really, really mixed up me.

Brigid, sorry I gave your credit to October.  Let me try again......that was really wise and worth repeating, what you said!

Man o' man talk about causing distress!!  I could easily do that to myself, as you can see.  Thank goodness for people's patience.

 :oops: :oops:Sela

Marta

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 281
Re: Extreme pain
« Reply #20 on: October 27, 2005, 03:20:49 AM »
Quote
So I am wondering if he is right, and I am an abusive person, after all.  And then the ground shifts from under me, and I lose myself again.

October, EVERYBODY gets told that they are abusive by someone or the other in their lives. Even Jesus, Buddha, and Gandhi had to face that.

For the voiceless, it means viewing this kind of feedback in the correct perspective. At most, I see you losing your temper when you are faced with a wall. Is that abusive? No. You have never abused me, even when I disagreed with you, so why woul you abuse a doctor? Why? I just don't see you as an abusive person, in fact one of the gentler souls on this board.

Abusers always shift the responsibility and portray the victim to be the abuser. Please don't buy into the crap and hang on to your perspective. As for nurse, I can see how difficult it must have been for you to face her and answer cold and clinical questions about an issue whih affected you so personally. Don't let her get to you, pleeeeeeeese. I love you for who I have known you to be, and think of you as a very sweet person.

Hugs, Marta

October

  • Guest
Re: Extreme pain
« Reply #21 on: October 27, 2005, 04:52:58 PM »
At most, I see you losing your temper when you are faced with a wall. Is that abusive? No. You have never abused me, even when I disagreed with you, so why woul you abuse a doctor? Why? I just don't see you as an abusive person, in fact one of the gentler souls on this board.

Hugs, Marta

What lovely words to read!!  Thank you so much, Marta.  It is sometimes difficult to see the person other people project onto me sometimes, when it so obviously is not me.  But this one is very lovely, and I very much hope and wish it is true.  Some part of me can recognise this, because I hate cruelty, and I hate to be mean to anyone.  There is always another side, if you try to find it, even when someone is saying something difficult.

Thanks again.  ((((((hugs))))))

Hopalong

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 13621
Re: Extreme pain
« Reply #22 on: October 28, 2005, 10:36:02 AM »
October,
Maybe you're a sweet and gentle soul who sometimes gets frustrated and pissed off and even makes mistakes in how she responds to people.

Return to baseline. You are a sweet and gentle soul. And you are allowed to make mistakes.

Simple apologies when needed were invented for just this purpose. What hurts folks who have been so hurt is we don't know we can make mistakes and then simply apologize...but WHILE apologizing, in the very same instant keep on loving ourselves thoroughly and without letup. Staying in our own embrace, maintaining loving arms around our own selves, while we simply acknowledge a screwup. Staying there, self-love a steady warmth.

I struggle with this too. Like a finger's in the dike and behind that ... shame. But I catch on that much of the rest of humanity says to themselves, oh look, a screwup. Wash the dish, correct the screwup, and look, there's a bicycle...kind of like that. Mistakes are just events. In a series of events that make up time. They're just events.

I don't know if I'm making sense, back pain pills, but I think as well as sweet and gentle you're also way more powerful than your shame.

Love,
Hopascrewsup
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Marta

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 281
Re: Extreme pain
« Reply #23 on: October 28, 2005, 04:45:46 PM »
Whoops, I posted Dr. Evil post under the wrong thread, but glad to know that it reached the right person.  :lol: :lol: :lol: