i'm angry, just by a phone call from one of my N's

[seasons]

7a.m. today I took a phone call from my oldest N sister. I took it knowing what I was in for, but out of guilt and obligation..aka what sisters are suppose to do and be.
It was her Birthday party yesterday with her children and ex inlaws and x(seperated husband).
She had me on the phone for 1hr and 45 minutes. The whole conversations was about her and what she GOT! She is the most ungateful person I have ever encountered.
She uses people and it makes me ill............ How come these people fall for her poor me act. And give to her when she has been labeled by most of them as Psyscho? Appease her I beleive, gosh I am so infurated by her.
If people could hear how she really talks about all she gets, not with appreciation and gratitue but intitlement and hey did I make out good attitude. It sick to hear.
Another con job this weekend.......
She also managed to go into a store with a $5 coupon and meet a sales girl, whom she shared that it was her birthday weekend and was struggling to find a top because her family was taking HER out to dinner, and all her life of struggles etc. by the time she left the sales lady gave her a 50% off coupon that was for the employees to give to a family or friend. So she was able to spend another hour shopping and buy $240 worth of clothes and paid half..$120. You would have to see or hear this girl in action, she is beyond a con-artist, theif,  player any name that would describe such selfishness.

Another example of how far she uses good people..... One day her cable company sent someone to shut off her cable, she didn't have the money, so she actually had the nerve to call her neighbor up and ask if she could borrow $80 so they wouldn't shut of her cable tv. Of course she gave this lovely women a sob story and a half. Then sent her cable guy over and the neighbor wrote out a check for him. The clincher....HER NEIGHBOR DOESN'T EVEN HAVE CABLE SERVICE IN HER OWN HOME! We aren't talking electric or heat.
I'm just trying some how to explain how far her entitlement goes and it never ends. By the way she has never paid her back but maybe $15 of it, so she could borrow $20 the next month.

She tells me everything, and mentioned how she is now spending more time with her daughter and could never go on and on about her life. She told me I have to keep it short because she won't listen, won't stay on the phone for more than a few minutes. Put it this way her daughter is the boss of their relationship, does that make her daughter an N? Because my sister knows her limits with her and abides by them all, now that their is a grandchild envolved. Her daughter has a huge temper and would have no problem telling her to get over herself and out of her life.

I mentioned on another post that my relationship is changing with the above N. After the conversation this morning I'm more mad that she basically tells me I'm using you to listen to me, I will abuse you, ignore that you exsist, remember only I DO.
 Yet.....  with others I will con and or control my behavior ( yes she is kissing ass to her daughter).
I'm so upset, I could scream. I just unplugged my phone because she wanted to call me back and read her birthday cards to me.
I'm exhausted.

My sister also has used many terms, like I'm her savior (when her family is mad at her), only I understand all that she has been put through, we are so close..etc.. Close, I trust my mailman more than her!

Let go, I'm saying to myself. Her birthday is over, my phone is unplugged, let the anger go, let our dance change, let me find a way to stop this and me.

[Healing&Hopeful]

Hi Seasons

I totally understand your anger, having experienced it many times with my dad.  I hope it's helped to release your anger by posting.

The only thing I can suggest is that you can't change them, you can only change yourself and your reactions.  By this I mean, you do have a choice to be angry or not.  This is so much easier said than done, believe me I know.... but it's the only thing I can think of that may help.

Take care xx

[Healing&Hopeful]

Oh and while I think about it.... if you have anyone else in the house with you, get them to ring the doorbell.  Even if you don't have anyone else in the house, pop and ring the doorbell yourself.  This is a really good ploy and worked very well with my N Dad as "Oh I'm sorry Dad, I've got to go as there's someone at the door"  I usually did this after about 20 mins so he'd had a good chat about himself in the meantime.

It's amazing how many people came round while he was on the phone. xx

[Hopalong]

Hi Seasons,
Listening to her for an hour and a half sounds like a huge expenditure of your precious time and energy. I've heard some people make a decision about how much time they can spend listening to the Ns in their lives...and literally set a timer (usually about 5 minutes). All the N wants is uh-huh, oh-my, and other mindless noises to indicate you're there (you could clean a toilet, say...) When time's up, you just SAY, Oh now I've got to go ___ (whatever excuse) and end it. Calmly, without detailed explanation, but making sure you do hang up. Otherwise you wind up completely drained, feeling used, and maybe that's why the anger gets so powerful. You have to expend that stored up frustration somehow, and an hour and a half of N-drone creates a huge charge of it. Can you back off the lengthy listening, do you think? Even if you gradually wean it down over a few weeks? (A timer might help there, too  , you could private say, hmm, next time, I'll do an hour, time after that, 45 min, and in a few weeks she'd just discover she gets to drone at you 5 to 15 minutes these days and hmmm, how did that happen. It's none of her business what your reasons are, you have entitlement, too. To your own time and your choices how to use it, and especially to your own peace. So...maybe you're just getting "very busy." Good luck!
Hopalong

[seasons]

NPDdad,

Thank you for reading my boring post! Yes, it did feel so much better to let it all out. I feel like the weight has lessened a great deal by venting through my post.

I never thought of ringing the doorbell. Wow, that is going on the top of my list...... how does it go.......
"Saved by the Bell"! Brilliant.............thank you ever so much!

[seasons]

Hopalong,

I like your ideas, and the weaning would be better for her because if I completely at once stop this, she would be sleeping on my porch. I have to change and not be so obvious, like you said I have to learn to be very busy.
I'm so used to listening and not sharing all the things I need to get done, that has to change now too.
I have XY and Z to do, gotta go bye!