Harassment

[ben 01]

Hi.
I am a gifted child abuse survivor. Wanted to share this
http://www.bullyonline.org/schoolbully/scruggs.htm
ben

[Plucky]

Thanks for posting this, Ben.  As a survivor of bullying and someone who was tested as gifted, I know how horrific a childhood can be.   I still think about revenge on the girl who made my life hell!  The site is useful in thinking about my own children.
Plucky

[Stormchild]

Sadly, bullying doesn't necessarily end just because we graduate. There is a huge amount of adult bullying in American workplaces and elsewhere... if you explore this excellent link, you'll see how some countries are more aware of this, some less aware; some are enacting legislation that actually may make a difference, some have merely paid lip service to the need for doing something, and other nations' legislatures - at the local, state, and national levels - are in complete denial about the situation.

I would strongly advise reading about the Jekyll/Hyde nature of bullies, and the things they actually are drawn to when selecting their targets. You'll find that adult and child bullies are really very much alike. Both target whoever is most different, whoever they find threatening - which usually means the bright, perceptive, creative, and conscientious of all ages. Bullying is very much a part of narcissism in many cases, and vice versa.

You can also learn a lot about how bullies subtly recruit others to collude in the scapegoating of their chosen target, whether child or adult, and how authority figures such as parents, teachers, or, for adults, supervisors and personnel offices generally refuse to deal with the situation.

It's fascinating information and once you really take it in, you will be much less vulnerable to bullies of any age, much less prone to being deceived and manipulated by them, and much more willing to trust your assessment of them as bullies when you see them in action, anywhere.

Thanks for posting this link, ben 01!

[Bloopsy]

Thank you for posting this. I was also bullied a lot and it is one of the most humiliating things in my life, and I always blamed myself ---- it made me feel very alone and horrible and like I had to hide in my house watching talk shows and eating cookies for hours when I should have been in school and then i dropped out!!!!!!!!!I am so mad at those stupid bullies.

[seasons]

Ben,
Thank you for sharing, I have been bullied many times by many people. It is really helpful to know
your not alone.

[Hopalong]

Me too. My entire life was marked by early bullying. And by other girls, whose viciousness stunned me. On the playground with them and then at home by my brother. I cried in the morning because I feared school, and in the afternoon because I feared going home. There was no safe place. Upside is that I got empathy...downside is I see it getting worse, all across the culture. I'm getting crotchety about it in middle age, think now and then of throwing away the TV. Just boot it out. It would be a very cool revolution, if people actually did that en masse, not letting kids see anything violent, ever. ('Course, I'd miss the escapist stuff as much as anyone.)
Hopalong

[Sallying Forth]

Hi Ben,
My bullies were my Nparents and my Nbrother and many of the kids at my grade school and junior high. When I wasn't getting it at school my family gave it to me at home or vice versa or both. Everybody just wanted to see me cry and then they would stop.

[Plucky]

I missed most of 7th and 8th year due to bullying.  I had been offered a place at a gifted school, but my mum thought it was too much trouble for her if I changed.  So I spent those 2 years at home watching telly.
Plucky

[ben 01]

Plucky,
I am glad this link made you think about your own children. They are especillay vunerable as they are gifted. Even though I do not have kids, I think (one of) the key is to provide an inquisitive ear to whatever you may hear.. Easier to say than to do, I know, as it is more diifficult to know with gifted chidren, as they are especially good at hiding this type of stuff, because of their so high guilt and because of their fear of hurting others, had they let them know about their pain... I hope your kids are ok.

Stormchild,
Thank you very much for your excellent post and extremely acute remarks. In fact I do not know how to thank you, as being bullied is the n°1 pb in my life. I followed your suggestion, you are right, it is true that this site has extremely valuable information. I have not finished reading everything yet, but I will soon. I think I will print a big part of it and get some of the books that are recommended too. I need to take it slowly b/c I (still  ) react very strongly to this type of reading. I hope one day I will be able to read this w/o being so moved.
But I have recently become increasingly optimistic about how I will handle this now, as I gain more and more insight about how gifted people are and tend to react towards abuse.
Regarding the abuser/bullying side, I would like to respond in more details later (after some thinking) about the processes of:
-selecting targets
-colluding
-ignoring attitude of authority figures

I would strongly advise reading about the Jekyll/Hyde nature of bullies

It's funny b/c I have heard hundreds of times this Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde thing about abusers, but I did not really seriously think about it.
Now your remark helped me feel that it is an easy/simple/effective tool to use to assess N character. I now just smile...when I read some posts!
(I did not respond yesteday b/c I felt so troubled when I read about this Dr Jekyll/Mr Hyde behavior, right after reading some posts... Now I know why...)
Thank you again, Stormchild for your sincere empathy, intelligence and honnesty.
Somehow I have noticed  that these three qualities are always interrelated...
Either someone possess the three of them, or... none!!!   (well...they may be excellent actors/actressess but still they do not possess these qualities) !
To summarize, I would say that SINCERE character consistency or integrity is the key word as to say someone is not an N.

Seasons,
Thank you very much for your sincere comforting support.

ben

[mudpuppy]

Hi Ben,

If I might just very respectfully disagree a teensy tiny bit with one thing you said its this....

Thank you again, Stormchild for your sincere empathy, intelligence and honnesty.
Somehow I have noticed  that these three qualities are always interrelated... 
Either someone possess the three of them, or... none!!!   

Some of the kindest most empathetic and honest people I have ever met have also been about as dumb as bricks. Empathy and honesty are moral choices. Intelligence is a morally neutral gift which can be used or misused.

No offense I hope, just wanted to stick up for my block-headed friends, and hey, maybe myself now that I think about it.

mudpup

[Stormchild]

Thank you, ben, and bless you. It's been a while since I've heard such kind words.

Don't push yourself too far too fast with this - it's like overeating, you can feel quite unwell if you take in more than you can process at one go.

Tim Field, who set up the site you linked to, is a bullying survivor himself and a fantastically decent human being. His book is very good, and there are also excellent books by two husband-and-wife teams: Gary and Ruth Namie, and Judith Wyatt and Chauncey Hare

One thought to comfort you: endurance is a form of victory. It is true. When the only way out is through, getting through means you won.

One other thought to comfort you: now you know you aren't alone!

[ben 01]

Stormchild,

One other thought to comfort you: now you know you aren't alone!

Thank you so much. We are not many, but I have recognized the few good ones here.

Mudpuppy,

just wanted to stick up for my block-headed friends, and hey, maybe myself now that I think about it.

I am sorry I made you (and your little friends?? can't they speak for themselves??? who are they????) feel that way.... 
I can only advise you to read the link I provided about bullying... Does that rings a bell to you????  Well that's a moral choice, right????
Believe me, I know all too well the few (very very  sick) people who are behind this bullying behavior here on the board. 
And guess what, I am locking this thread. 

ben

[voicel2]

Hi everyone,

I am aware of Ben's beliefs about being bullied on the board, and have asked him/her to e-mail me in order to better understand them.

Richard Grossman