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Facing the monster

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Cadbury:
This is a different topic to my other post, so I started a new thread.

My ex has asked to see my son this coming Saturday. After refusing the contact centre for four months he has now suddenly said he would like to see him. I only have 3 days to prepare myself and I cannot stop shaking.

He has only seen our son for 3 1/2 hours since he was born and every time I have hated seeing him touch him. I can't talk to other people about this as they don't understand NPD. They all think that I should make a huge effort for the sake of my son. They don't understand that my ex is not normal. He doesn't react how any normal person would to anything. Even when he does the most God awful things he expects them to be forgotten as they didn't mean anything to him.

He went to the police after the first court hearing didn't go his way. He told them that I had been seriously abused by my father as a child and he was worried that the abuse would continue to my children. He told them he had seen my father abuse me recently. He told them that I couldn't have sex unless he pretended to rape me and that I would call him Daddy afterwards. This was his proof that his concerns were genuine. None of it was true!! Then he expects me, after I had to be interrogated by the police on these accusations, to get over it as he only did it because he was hurting.

He doesn't care about our son, he does everything as a power trip. The only present he has bought him was a stuffed bear that he recorded his own voice in.

What am I going to do? Why is it that this shi@@y excuse for a sperm donor gets so many rights when he deserves none? I have no qualms about the rights of genuine fathers, but he is bad through and through. I just want to take my son far away and never let him see him.Oh God, I feel awful... why do I have to go through this for the rest of my life? One mistake (meeting my ex) and I have to put up with him forever. I just want to keep my son safe.

Sorry, but I have no one to share this with who will understand.... :(

Brigid:
I'm so sorry, Cadbury  :( :(.  I'm sure this must be very painful and scary for you.  I really don't have any practical advice for you as I don't know how the courts and custody works across the pond, but know that I keep you and your baby boy in my prayers and hope you can keep him away from the sh*%%y sperm donor.

Hugs,

Brigid 

miss piggy:
Hi Cadbury,

I don't really have any advice but wanted to let you know I'm out here reading your posts and wishing you the best.  Can you have a trusted friend along when X comes over?  just a thought. maybe there's no one you want to put that through...can you hire a big burly bodyguard?? 

I know how it is to want to protect your children.  My SIL is pretty scary.  Like the ghost librarian in Ghostbusters who turns into a huge banshee when p!ssed off.  :shock:  I don't see her anymore and when I did, I wouldn't leave my children alone with her.  But I had a little more control because they were mine, not hers (although she didn't think so...I tell you, she's out there!).  I'm still amazed that people listen to her when she spews her venom.

Enough about me.  Just please brainstorm all the ways to cope that you possibly can.  (Geez, I'm just not very helpful today.  I'm sorry!   :oops:)  Chin up Cadbury.  We're with you.  MP

Hopalong:
Dear Cadbury,
I don't know what a Contact Center is but it sounds like a place where you needn't fear for your safety. I hope that's so. I don't have any practical notions either but the one thing that crosses my mind is that I remember reading somewhere about Ns that if you basically underreact and nearly ignore them, they soon lose interest. I can imagine it's terribly hard to disguise your distress, but maybe if you can aim for a very calm facade and try not to let him detect your feelings, he'll tire of the game.

I sure hope so. Meanwhile, every possible nourishing/shielding thing to you and your son... Small comfort for now, I am sure, but I will hold you in my thoughts.

Hopalong

mudpuppy:
Hi Cadbury,

We all make mistakes and have to face the consequences. And sometimes those consequences can be pretty tough around an N.

But just look at all the women here who have raised great kids despite having an N mixed up in their lives.
You can get through anything for your little guy and you'll be stronger because of it.
I'll keep praying his 'father' finds something else to divert his attention and leaves you two alone.

Maybe he'll meet a rabid dog on the way over to see you.    :twisted:
Of course if a rabid dog bit him the dog would probably croak. :roll:

You'll be OK. You're stronger than him, way stronger.

mud

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