Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Facing the monster
Cadbury:
Well.... it has been an incredibly long time since I last posted! How is everyone?!
I thought it would probably be better to post in this old thread simply because it would save me having to go over everything again.
So... 5 years on, what's changed?!
Well.... the court case is still ongoing. We are back again on Jan 28th and so far have had 3 (count 'em) FINAL hearings. Maybe things have changed, but I am sure the word FINAL meant something once upon a time!
I moved 240 miles away from him to be with another man (bad times, another story). I qualified as a teacher and successfully sued tithead for the money he owes me. The court case continued in the new place and became ever more complicated when tithead managed to get himself banned from the contact centre. Three cheers for the madman! We went back to court and I was representing myself, with the aid of a sympathetic lawyer who had prepper me thoroughly. I requested psychological testing as I felt that tithead was mad. He responded by saying it was actually me who was mad. Result? The judge sent us both off for psychological testing. 9 hours of testing over three sessions. I had 2 sessions, Tithead had 1 session then said that the psychologist had a secret agenda and withdrew from testing. Then said okay he would be tested, then turned up for a cancelled session and ranted at everyone how it wasn;t his fault, then finally had his second session. I return for my final session and the psychologist team are acting a little differently. I think the difference was from hearing my side of things and then meeting the man himself. They had never seen anyone quite like him. They tagged him as definitely narcissistic. I cried with relief. The Psych said "he cannot hide what he is. These personality disorders are exactly that, he cannot hid his personality as he does not know it is different".
You'd think that would mean something, but no.... tithead refused to accept the findings of the psych and wanted him struck off the court record. Apparently I had managed to charm the man into being on my side. (I am so powerful!) After a whole day in court tithead was awarded 3 hours of contact every 6 weeks to be heavily supervised. Back to court in a year to review. That was in Nov 2009. tithead has not taken up any of the sessions. He has followed me 240 miles across the country when he found out I was single. Followed me back down here when he discovered I had run away from him, but not made any effort to see his son. Then on Christmas Eve he turned up at my parents house with a present for our son. My car was there, he knew I was there. I phoned the police in abject terrror:
Me: "My ex, violent, boyfriend has turned up at my parents house where I am staying with a present for our son"
Police: "Did he do anything threatening?"
Me: "No, he just handed a present over and left. But he's not supposed to!"
Police:"You are phoning to tell us someone gave you a present at Christmas?"
ME:"YES!!!"
Ever felt an idiot?! I hate it that his games are so insiduous that people cannot see what he does.
As for me, I have been in therapy at the refuge for over a year nowand amfeeling a lot better for it, but with the court case rearing its ugly head again, I have gone a bit wobbly... My little baby is now almost 6 and so far I have kept him safe from tithead who has never spent any alone time with him.
How's everyone else?! :)
lighter:
--- Quote from: Cadbury on January 20, 2011, 09:28:13 AM ---
Ever felt an idiot?! I hate it that his games are so insiduous that people cannot see what he does. Yup yup yup. How do you think the conversation, with the police, would have gone had you told them your ex was menacing you at your parent's home, sans the details abuot dropping a Christmas present? If your ex is under a court order to stay away from your son, outside the strictly supervised planned visits, then that's contempt, and it's the police's job to document that event. They don't want to, but you should keep asking until they write that report, IME. Document document document.[color]
As for me, I have been in therapy at the refuge for over a year nowand amfeeling a lot better for it, but with the court case rearing its ugly head again, I have gone a bit wobbly... My little baby is now almost 6 and so far I have kept him safe from tithead who has never spent any alone time with him.
--- End quote ---
That you've managed to protect your son as well as you have, for as long as you have, is remarkable. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Isn't it nice when people like your ex show others who they are..... and those other people believe them? All you can do is keep fighting the good fight, and maybe get a recording device.... about $70.00, but worth the investment if your State allows it. When your ex admitted to lying about your father sexually abusing you, and all the rest of it ::shudder:: wouldn't it have been nice to play that recording back? I don't know what other things he says to you, in private, but I'm guessing some of it would help you protect your son. You must purchase another device to record telephone conversations..... ask the guys at Best Buys..... but ask the Manager. Not the teenaged help. It's a bit complicated, and you need to practice a bit to figure it out. Good luck to you in court. Lighter
Cadbury:
Thank you Lighter. I thought the same about the court order and supervised access, but the police seemed to think that it would be hard to prove that he knew I was at my parents' house.... Even though my car was there...
I had him arrested back in the summer when I was finally strong enought to bring the rape charges against him. He admitted that yes, he had used a knife and tied me up, but I had forced HIM to do it... the police said it would be my word against his and dropped the charges. I guess I have a lost a lot of faith in the authorities. :P
Anyway, I am lucky enough now that I have fought hard enough and long enough that I do not have to have any direct contact with him. It is just there is no way round hearing him talk when we are in court and the terror it brings back to hear his voice... *shivers*
And then there's the way he stands and stares at me. :( Still, better than the start of this thread!
lighter:
He admitted he tied you up.....
and used a knife....
and raped you?
And the police dropped the charges?
I'm......
I'm.......
really wishing you'd recorded the conversation of him admitting he lied, bc he was "hurting."
He harms you, then seeks sympathy for harming you.
Typical.
So so sorry, but you're doing so well.
Hang in there.
Lighter
Cadbury:
Thanks Lighter! I appreciate the support.
He never admitted the rape, he said he tied me up and had sex with me at knife point because I made him. Still.... life goes on.
As for the things he said, I have most of it in email, it just doesn't seem to make much difference.
Our last court order gives him supervised contact every 6 weeks with a specific perrson (named in the order). He just wrote to my solicitor today and said "Thank you for the email, I shall forward my position statement ASAP, I am having a great deal of difficulty with contact centers so if you have any suggestions I would be most grateful." WTF?!! We haven't had a court order yet to replace the previous one, so what is he doing?!!! I hate all this "on my terms" stuff he tries to pull. I am hoping and hoping that this time someone will call him on it. It drives me insane!
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