Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Facing the monster
onlyrenting:
Cadbury
--- Quote --- No Supply University
--- End quote ---
You go girl!!!
I only have a second to say how impressed I am with your strong efforts and well deserved
Diploma, Plucky awards you......the No Supply University.....
The bathroom break could serve you well in the future. The moment I gave him A I would find the need to run for the bathroom that was great!!
wanted to let you know how proud I am of you and will be facing my Ex in court at the end of Jan.
I must fly out to CA for the settlement divorce. I have managed to maintain full custody of our 13 yr old for now. I hope I can be as strong as you.
Got to go !!! take care ................OR
Hopalong:
Hi Cadbury,
It has been such an inspiration to read your progression from scared-s**less to in control, competent, and actually EXERCISING so many of the "tips" while the contact was actually going on. Really, that is powerful stuff. I hope you feel proud of yourself because it really is such vivid evidence of a person who is taking her own mind back! I loved catching up on this and it is an amazing example of how things really can be changed just by changing the way we ourselves react (since we can do zippolah about anybody else). I am sooo impressed, and want to thank you for letting us walk through the blow-by-blow way you've managed your responses. It really is encouraging, both in specificallly visualizing how to deal with an N, and also just as a way to remember that empowering things can happen if we are determined.
thanks so much for sharing it all. This is exciting and inspiring--keep posting these "scripts" from your contacts, you give us all strength!
KUDOS,
Hopalong
Cadbury:
Wow.. I cannot believe how nice you've all been! I just do what you all say and it works! I did go through a totally crap stage last year of missing him and thinking he was human, so it has been a long journey. I couldn't have done it without this board. I dread to think what my life would be like without you all!
You are all fantastic people, so thank yo uso much.
I have very little time as I have to go and get ready to drool over Josh Holloway in Lost tonight, but I wanted you to know that I have read all your responses and am so wonderfully happy that I have come so far.
I have a bigger challenge on Friday, when we will have a room to ourselves in a contact centre... I am terrified, but trying my best to prepare myself mentally for it. I find it so hard to be so rude to someone, I am not naturally like that. That is something I wouldn't have done if I hadn't read all your advice on how best to deal with him. He already emailed me today to ask if he could change the time from 10 until 11.30... I said "No I cannot make that" and I didn't even give a reason, which I would have done before you all ...
I will update as soon as I can and thank you all again ...:D
Cadbury:
So...Friday wasn't too bad. It was horrible being alone in the room with him, I hated it so much. He kept trying to engage with me and I did okay... not brilliantly. It was much harder when it was just the two of us. He kpt telling me I looked nice (ignored), I was a good mother (ignored). Then he told me how he had been trying to get me a present that he "just knew I would have loved". I told him that there was no need for him to get me presents. Then he gave me a very serious look and said "Cadbury,......tell me do you have this effect on all the men you've been with". So I said "Yes, there they all are waiting in a line outside the door". Actually, I didn't say that at all... that is what I thouht sela may have come up with :D so I smiled to myself and ... stuttered like a mad fool. :( I just couldn't think how to respond. I also had a few moment s where A was fretting and I couldn't help myself showing tithead what to do to calm him. the best thing was that A is going throug ha very clingy stage and if I am in the room he gets quite upset. He spent the whole hour looking for me and (miracle of miracles) calling "mum-mum-mum-mum-mum" the whole time. It was likely just random noise, but it made Tithead get a little put out. He told me it was because I spoil A...
I found it so muc hmore difficult than it sounds here... I can't explain why. I think it is because Ifeel like I am playing a game to his rules all the time. Although I am so much better about not engaging, it is still a real effort. He gave me some of the money he owes me and that concerns me... why? He is not likely to do anything if it doesn't have his best interests at heart, so I wonder what he is up to.....I have been quite low since Friday, for no reason I can properly explain... strange.... I will think on it and see if I can put it into words...
Thank yo uall again :D
mum:
--- Quote ---I found it so muc hmore difficult than it sounds here... I can't explain why
--- End quote ---
Cadbury...maybe I can help with that explanation....your heart of hearts (your son) is in the arms of the man who you most despise in the world (with good reason), who doesn't deserve to hold this precious child, as your son is crying for you, and you are forced to allow this because it is what tithead's "legal rights" are.
Sounds pretty horrible to me!
It will all be ok, Cadbury. You are doing a remarkable job. So what if you stammered when he made a comment specifically designed to catch you off card (and sound complimentary too.....what an jerk...grrrrr!). That doesn't mean he called the shots, or you played his game....not at all. Let that one go. He said something ridiculous considering the context, and any NORMAL person would have that reaction. Doesn't mean anything, except you are normal and he is not.
Bravo, strong woman!!! Bravo. Your son needs one good parent. That is you. Tithead is an interloper, and sidebar, and an idiot as well. Don't waste any time wondering too much about him. Every week is practice in letting go of this emotional "thing" he does to you.....( I know, I practice this with my ex ALL the time). It's good practice, seriously. If you get this one figured out, NOTHING can keep you down ever again! NOTHING. And you are almost there, kiddo!!!!
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