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Facing the monster

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tejaspear:
Oh! One other idea. Again, I don't know your full situation as there are so many posts in this thread, but I did read a few dozen of them and saw no mention about the financial aspects. Is your N ex paying child support? If so, you may have a huge bargaining chip there.

My son's biological father was someone I KNEW I did not want to have to be in my son's life if he didn't have to be (especially considering his past history of pedophilia but no police record of it to my knowledge). My trump card with him was that I told him that if he would give me full custody of the child I would not ask for one penny from him. He accepted. I know I saved myself and especially my son much emotional strife by doing this. Yes, it was HARD to get by without child support, but it was WORTH IT, totally!!!!!!!

It may be too late for you to do this. I was fortunate in that I did this before the baby was even born. He supplied me with a signed and notarized document signed by witnesses called "Waiver of Interest in Child" and when I got that I made many copies. It has been a bigger sense of security to me than his money ever could be, no matter how desperate the financial situation got at times. Now my son is away at college, on grants and student loans. We made it, even though I had no family to help me financially.

Whatever you do, remember "where there is a will there is a way."

Meanwhile, in case this man stays a big part of your child's life, I'd like to share the experience of my half-sister, who grew up with our N mother and her loving father. She is in her 30s now and will tell you today that EVERYTHING good in her childhood was from her father, and NOTHING from her N mother. Her dad loved her so well that she grew up having a healthy disdain toward our N mother's antics. She grew up very self-confident, assertive, sweet and with very strong boundaries.

Hugs,
TP

tejaspear:
Sorry to keep posting here. I keep forgetting to say something: I gave the example of my half-sister growing up with our N mother because I myself did NOT grow up with our N mother. I was one of the children she left behind when she married the father of my half-sis. I was devastated to grow up without a mother, and only later in life realized that my half-sister was not luckier than me to have been the one to have a mother the whole time -- and even longer than that to realize she had it worse than me, but for her father.

Having just ONE truly loving and nurturing person in your life can be all the difference in the world....!

Plucky:

--- Quote ---TH (holding son): He's perfect isn't he
Me: Yes
TH: So we did do something right then?
--- End quote ---
Cadbury: Well....I did anyway.

Plucky

Cadbury:
Thank you all so so much for your support. This was a quick note to say thanks and I have read all your responses several times.... just need to find enough time to write a proper response to you all....

I had my first session with a therapist last week, so I am still sorting through everything from that too. Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to update you all properly...

thanks again everyone :)

Plucky:

--- Quote ---TH (holding son): He's perfect isn't he
Me: Yes
TH: So we did do something right then?
--- End quote ---

Cad, scratch my response above.  Someone else a few pages back had much better advice.  Never say the child anything but average.  Then the N cannot take any credit, or supply.
Plucky

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