Counselling-Is it messing me up? or is it necessary?

[Chicken]

Hi NPDad,

Butt in all you like, that's what this post is here for!  I welcome any contribution or view! 

I know a normal person may only exist in my head.  There may be no such thing as a normal person.  Maybe a "normal person" tag is my own way of telling myself that I'm a freak.  I have a few friends and family members I would call normal.  They seem well adjusted.  They don't go into the deep place that I seem to have to go to in order to try to "adjust" myself!  When I tried to communicate with them at this level we do on this board, they just can't relate.  They think it's too heavy or they say I analyse too much or that I need to get out more!  They don't say it nastily, they just aren't that kind of person.

Longtire recommended a book called "The highly sensitive person" which I am waiting for to be delivered from amazon, i think this will explain a great deal, so I will get back to you when i know more. 

[Healing&Hopeful]

I personally do find it mildly amusing when people say about what's normal and what's not hon.  Is there really a person who is generally all rounded well ajusted?  I feel that everyone has traits of what they like and what they don't like in them.

[Plucky]

Hi Selkie,
You have touched on what I was thinking, without realising it.    I have always felt that a 'normal' person, and for me that means a person who has not undergone trauma, would not be able to understand major parts of me.  I did marry a man who supposedly was normal (in this case well-adjusted, with a pretty much eventless childhood), and made me deny and cover up most unacceptable parts of myself andmy past, only to find that he had major issues as well.  I had thought finally that only a 'normal' person would be able to help me create the 'normal' childhood for my children and the 'normal' rest of life for me.   Other than that, I was operating on what I saw in books, movies, and shopping malls.

Plucky

[Chicken]

Hi Folks!

Well, I went to my counsellor about the issues I was having with her.  It was mind blowing.  I have never gone to someone regarding problems we were having ...without being attacked, defended, abused, made to feel like I was a worthless piece of s**t who shouldn't have opened her big trap! Usually "confrontations" led to the demise of my relationships.  This was an amazing experience!  I was so nervous about it to begin with.  I honestly thought she'd turn it all around on me and manipulate me so much that I would wind up feeling down and that I would have no other choice than to need her.  It wasn't like that at all!  She validated my feelings, listened to me, understood me and congratulated me!!!  How strange to experience that!  I felt good when I came out.  I felt like I pulled my head out of the old world and had a glimpse of what happens in the new world.  Wow!  It's nice there!

I am so glad or lucky I guess, that I opened up to the right person and experienced a mature interaction.  It could have been a disaster.  I knew beforehand what that the confrontation (It wasn't a confrontation really, but rather a confiding) would make or break our relationship.  I clearly said to myself that if shes reacts in a defensive, manipulative manner, then that's the end.  I went into it with my eyes open this time and it paid off. 

I'd never be able to find a man like that would I?

 

[Healing&Hopeful]

Selkie.... that is brilliant and I am so happy for you!  First of all, congratulations for seeing what you wanted to achieve and for taking the risk and telling her your concerns, and secondly for realising that your therapists reaction was spot on.  Fantastic! xx

[Sallying Forth]

Congratulations Selkie for telling your t what is going on with you! Big step!

The response of your t says she is a healthy person not only mature.

[vunil]

Yay, Selkie and Selkie's therapist!

And if you find a man like that, please ask him if he has a brother

Seriously, I think it is great she was so good and I think it's instructive that you expected so much worse.  I am the same-- it's hard for me to expect the best or even ok behavior from people because of years of getting bad reactions.  What a relief to start to feel optimism that not everyone will be like our family was!  I can feel the relief in your post and it is inspirational for me, too.