Hi NotEeasy,
I know "slapping flesh" sounded judgmental. I'm sorry. But honestly it really does sound a little cold-blooded:
We did,however,acknowledge that there were risks in attachment and that we both should have the opportunuity to move on if other potential partners presented themselves. We never specifically excluded the possibility that this may develop into a committed relationship
To me, the first sentence sets up the impossibility of the second. Other potential partners always present themselves! I mean, life's a parade of people, right? So the only way you could "include" the possibility of a commitment would be if you had specifically agreed to be bystanders at the parade. I am wondering if you talked this through, say, sitting across a table from each other with legal pads? It just sounds so...disconnected. I literally can't fathom it. I've had some disconnected sex in my day and it's always left me feeling like the bottom of a trash can. Not so much ashamed, just emptier than before. It filled no need, resolved no question, gave nothing more than sensation. Attachment is what I think heals people...
By the way, lest you feel picked on, I should insert here that I do not like the sound of HER behavior one bit, agree with you entirely that it bodes badly, and I say move on...talk if you like but my gut says why bother. This is not a negotiable personality trait...the capacity to attach and express loyalty is a choice...she's not making. But then, neither are you (you're just refraining from expressing your wandering interest out loud, but as you say, it's still wandering).
Maybe you were badly hurt in previous relationships and that's why your language sounds so Trumplike.
Here's a question for you: what do you really want with a woman? In your best possible imagining, what would a good relationship feel like? Not what is negotiated...but what feelings would you like to have, sitting in the morning sun over a sleepy breakfast, when you glance at her? Can you imagine being undefended? What would it take?
I think your answer might be in visualizing a new "tone" or quality to your relationships. My hunch is you've been hurt and you feel unsafe. So that's why there's all this chilly rationality in the way you talk about this thing.
Are you lonely?
I hope you find a peaceful place. I think her behavior is brittle and agressive and unkind, but I think you've held yourself at a great distance... Sometimes such detachment brings out ugliness. (Not that you're responsible for her behavior, nor she for yours.) She's acting out her own defenses in her own way, it's just a different way than you are showing yours. I'd make tracks if I were you, but not because she's proven "bad." Just because neither of you sound ready for something wholehearted.
Maybe you deserve some one-on-one time, attention, deep listening, and healing, compassionate conversation. Not with a woman in a club. With a therapist. Maybe you could consider that, without any shame? (Screw shame. Life's too short.)
Let us know how it goes...
Hopalong