Hi all:
I think our feelings need to be released...no matter what they are. They are not meant to be caged or repressed and they can't be pushed either. To me....they are like a box full of butterflies (or wasps) and when the lid is opened.....and they are allowed to fly out...they either attract others to their beauty or sting or even ...just spread pollen.
I feel just as bunged up if I'm thrilled about something and have no outlet to release my joy as I do if I'm livid and have no way to get my rage out.
I guess I'm lucky. I have my music. My art. My pets. I don't give a hoot if anyone ever appreciates what I create or thinks I'm wacko for relying on my animals or a few strings......and I'm almost too shy to share eg. music with anyone because it does reveal...sometimes......so many of my inner thoughts and deep feelings. I say almost because I do share with some people and they tell me how wonderful I am and how talented and all that junk and I try to be polite and pleasant and I am grateful for such kind words.....
But really....I don't feel so talented. I just lettttter fly through my fingers and my vocal chords or a paint brush or by hacking up bits of tile and gluing them to wood or by chopping pieces of fabric (I have a bigggggggg fabric problem) and attaching them to each other in very odd but sometimes attractive ways. It's a gift? I guess so. Not every one does it but I'm convinced everyone caaaaaaaannnnnnn do some of it....at least. Everyone has gifts. I truly believe that.
But it's a scary thing to do....transform your feeling into something material...concrete ...even liquid. Worse......to reveal them to someone else. Especially those not so nice feelings. Suddenly I'm naked....transparent and I don't share that with just anyone. That just doesn't feel like talent.....it feels like a release. I guess I'm just careful, most of the time, about where and with whom I release my feelings. That's probably ok too because who feels like being so open to just anyone anyway? We all have our own comfort level, I think, and there is no wrong about it.
I admire musicians who publish their stuff and artists who put their work on display. Mine is very private. I'm too chicken to show it to the world. Or too greedy...maybe I want it mostly for myself and those I trust. As proof that something good can come from something not so good. And to me.....it's all good. I don't keep it if I don't like it. (Boy......does that feel like the N statement of a life time!!!).
Also.......I have physical outlets. I walk a lot. When I was younger I was very active and as a kid....always playing, running, going....and this helped/helps me to keep from getting all bunged up. (which makes me wonder about all this ADdddhdddad poola because it just seems kids don't get the opportunity to do so much of that running and going and playing as they used to. For one thing....parents almost have to sit and watch the whole process because it's so dangerous to let them out in the world to explore and for another....tv, pc's, video games, sedentary stuff......but I really did get myself waaaaaaaay off topic there...sorry).
Now adays, my garden and my kitchen are often my new gymnasiums. Every weed I yank out of the ground gets a talking to, if I need to talk and every carrot I chop up for soup too. Weird maybe. That's ok. I'm ok with weird. But it does feel good to know there are other people as weird.
We can all benefit by finding places to release our feelings. I really don't believe we have to expressssss everything to a human being in order to stay sane/healthy or normal or whatever it might be called. If that were true....I'd be a total lunatic because there have been times when I've been completely without human support and I have managed to get it all out anyway.
My dog....as I've said before......is a wonderful therapist. She is wise and never puts me down. She doesn't agree or disagree....she just listens and gives me understanding looks and licks my hand (love) or she leans against me (love).
Still.......connecting with people is great too.....if one can find a person they feel comfortable with...that's wonderful! I've been lucky there too....in my life. I seem to find those people....eventually and haven't given up hope that that will happen when I find myself alone.
But these are all learned responses (even learning to trust that there will be someone to connect with). I learned to go write it down or find an instrument of release. I learned to talk to a friend or take a bubble bath. I don't know how I learned I just know I did. I'm lucky I've learned all that or I'd be a total wreck by now, I'm sure. And like everyone....I'm still learning.
As you say, Bliz, these are coping mechanisms but I fail to see that they are not good. A pounding on a good bongo drum has never hurt me yet and truly...has done me a world of good. These outlets are often suggested by the mental health professionals as positive ways to channel feelings and I believe that is good advice.
Not everyone learned to do that in childhood....or chose that. Everyone reacts in their own way to stress and either finds a way to deal with it or perishes. I don't think roaring at the lions in their den was acting out. I think it was speaking up. I think it was my way of releasing my feelings......even if it did cause me more physical agony. It kept my brain from going into deep freeze....or splitting into different personalities
...or repressing thoughts...or the worst....keeping the lie.....being silent....or the very very worst....developing a hateful attitude (what I really, really did not want to do). I have always been a busy thinker and have always known that no matter who abuses me....they cannot control my head or my mouth (unless they put duct tape over my busy lips). Lucky I somehow decided that. Not every one does. But now I know.... I'm not the only one.
This board is a great example of a healthy coping mechanism that helps us connect with other people. What a great thing!! I'm so glad when I see something someone has written that is just sopping in emotion. I hope with all of my heart that it helps to release the feelings. And even though I've been so lucky to have some really useful ways of expressing my feelings.....it is really wonderful to do so here....
and not feel naked but rather.....clothed in warm comfort.
Thankyou all for that and for reading this very long blurb.
PS: Bliz, I hate it when that happens....stuff gets lost in cyberspace! Where does it go? I wish I knew.
I doubt very much your brothers sleep better at night. Raging and being a loose cannon can't feel good. Wallopping a bongo drum......oh yesssss........but attttttttt some unrelated to the pain person??? How could that induce comfortable sleep? More likely.......as you say.....there is a large festering puss filled wound that
needs debriding. I'm soo glad you feel it as it comes along and I assume release it in appropriate ways.
That helps to heal wounds. At least........there won't be any need for major scraping.
Sela
