Hi Sf
sometimes on the meds there is a brief strong window of awakening and too much awareness ( which is why all the new drugs carry suicide warnings for the early days )
I need from my marriage what my h cannot possibly give me. He instead "infects" me with his wayward truth and declares me wrong. The expression, both physically and emotionally, of tender feelings for "loved ones" is often painfully absent.
I think when the expression of emotions has been life-long painfully absent, for myself I go again and again to love relationships to find what I am looking for...only to re experience the same feelings of lack of intimacy/ rejection/ feeling dishonoured etc.
Be patient- it will take time to unravel how you got here and what you want next, don't rush anything or you'll just repeat a pattern if you're like me.
Go back to doc if necessary and add a drug to help you sleep.
It needn't be a narcotic: antihistamines work for lots of people, I often take Atarax ( hydroxizine- it's a mild anti-anxiety too and I have the best sleep with it, 25-50 mg night)
And be aware- we all have different and personal reactions to any drug,don't get yourself hampered by any doctor who cannot see that and tries to tell you what you should be feeling rather than listening to how you are reacting.
I am a fast reacter to drugs.
for me this means I need lesser doses, when I need anti-depressants I can only tolerate a low dose every other or third day...but of course I've had my share of non-expert doctors who told me I couldn't possibly work this way since the ( pharmaceutical company ) directions say otherwise...
You want to increase the dose already? Talk to your doctor again- but
Trust yourself, otherwise you'll swap one frustrating situation for another.
If the drug doesn't work, there are a whole host of others.
That's the great thing about depression and mental illness today- at least there are tools.
Some doctors are the most narcissistic power-hungry people...don't allow a N in your life under the guise of helping you recover.
Have you a therapist?
Also I cannot stress more the need for a whole approach- a good diet, plenty rest, drink lots of water and take a walk or swim each day ( plus any other things you enjoy- reading, music, candles, beauty regime, chat with a friend etc ) will many times increase the benefit of your meds, especially the water, rest and exercise.
I also try to keep my diet balanced with supplements, and have found for me those VitC 1000 sachets you dissolve in water are helpful.
If you've been drinking a lot of alcohol a B Vit supplement is essential.
Lastly I have found- lose all the SHOULD and OUGHT and stressful parts of each day.
If you have kids they are the priority for any nonsense- everyone else has to go for a while.
Put stressful or difficult relationships on hold, learn to say no, calm everything down for a few weeks so you can prioritise yourself and your recovery.
I discovered the postal service and started to write brief postcards to let people know I care and want to keep in touch- at a distance and in my own way and timeframe.
I haven't answered the phone for months.
