Anther Xmas angst question

[Sugarre]

Happy Holidays

[Lizbeth]

If your children are adults, they are old enough to decide what kind of relationship they want with their father (if any).  I would stay out of it.   If you encourage them when they feel they are being disrespected by their father, it could be sending them the wrong message.  No one has to put up with another person's disrespect just because they are related to them.

I'd just enjoy the holidy with my kids and stop worrying about their relationship with their father.  If they want one with him and vice versa, its up to them now.  You can step back.

I was very happy when my children gained their adulthood and became responsible for any relationship they had with their fathers.

Lizbeth

[Hopalong]

Ditto Lizbeth, big time.
"Managed" relationships aren't really relationships, but tense transactions.
I think your daughter was right.
She knows there's no mythical daddy hiding there.
Let them find their own way to whatever they want, or don't, with him.

It IS something to grieve, the loss of the family dream.
But no point in an endless funeral.

Enjoy the holidays in your own way, create new reasons to be happy and ways of sharing.
That will be better than the obligatory bio-family stuff. If it's broken, it's broken. But you can create wholeness on your own with your kids...that will model something healthier for them.

Norman Rockwell haunts us all, but we can paint too.

Wishing you peace,
Hopalong

[Lizbeth]

Hi Hopalong.   So many of us have had to "remake" our notion of what constitutes family on this board.  But sometimes that is what happiness requires. 

Have a peaceful holiday.

Lizbeth

[Brigid]

Sugarre,
I totally echo what Lizbeth said.  You cannot be accused of "badmouthing" if you say nothing at all.  I have children in that same age bracket and I will not help nor hinder their relationship with their father.  He was the one who broke it and it will be up to him to mend if he wants or chooses to.

Don't concern yourself with him and just enjoy your time with your children while they are home for the holidays.  At these ages, we must treasure every moment we have.

Hugs,

Brigid

[Lizbeth]

Hi Brigid,

Don't I know that.   This is the first Christmas son#2 won't be here.  He and his gf (very lovely girl) moved to NYC in November and have a cute little apartment.  She works until 5 am Christmas morning so he asked me if it would be ok if he spent Christmas with her in the city and came to NJ to visit hubby and I on Monday.  I told him he was a grown man now (he is 26) and it was time for him to start making his own traditions, Monday would be just fine.  A few days later he thanked me for being so understanding.   I think he was worried I would be upset.  ;-P

Lizbeth

[Plucky]

Hi Sugarre,
I agree with everyone here.  Let go of that guilt.  You are not responsible for this any more.
Your H has been naughty.  Cross him off the list.  And don't make your children take on that guilt.  Even if you can't find a way to let it go.  Now go and be happy.
Plucky

[Lizbeth]

Blessings be upon you this Christmas Day, Sugaree.  Sounds like you are on your way to letting go.

Lizbeth