Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > What Helps?
Vaknin perspective
reallyME:
Hey Wally,
First of all, HI...I haven't seen ya here before.
Secondly, I have found Vaknin's writings to line 100% up with the N's behaviors in my own life. I find his writings very reliable and accurate and common in all the N's I've ever met or dealt with.
Thirdly, in the WHAT ABOUT BOB movie, it could have been about the N in my life (the psychiatrist guy) and me, Bob...I watched it at my spiritual Mom's house and we pointed out Jodi and me through the whole thing and just laughed ourselves silly!
~ReallyME
wally:
Hi Reallyme,
Ya he has some hardcore critics out there, and reasonably so. I thought that much of his writing is spot on. He does not seem to have much of a grey area about N's, his solution for all N victims is to distance yourself if you can ASAP, which seems to be very accurate for the pathological N's. His book did answer many questions about me, and my family in way of perspective. His theory seems to be that there are no uncalculated moves in the N's life routines and you can draw a conclusion to every action or omission (paranoid with sad truth). If this is true than that takes my family off of the extreme edge of N'ism, because they do have random routines at times (mistakes, or follies) with no motives or harmless ones at least. So I was relieved to understand that possibility. I think that he is right as far as N'ism in the way that N's are so sickly cyclical in revolving selfishness that N's are constantly chasing their tales for their solutions, blame, calculations, and their sick resolve to get what they need from whoever it takes, or whoever is dumb enough to stand in their way. If your useable, then your needed. Other than that I have found that everyone gets into those cycles, its just the ones that don't get out of them are the ones worth avoiding. I know its easier said than done especially if its a family affair. In my case there are prolonged periods in my family that it seems that some of us don't emerge from the cycle, but then there are moments of clarity. Just like Vaknin eludes to as far as it takes a major life crisis to attain the moment of clarity. It does seem though that time and age seem to slow the N's energy, and lets in moments of regret, sorrow, and to some extent compassion. Sometimes the regret is a thieves regret of getting caught, not of offending others. But some of the people that do see the pain that they continually spread are at least aware of the behavior which is worth something. There are some hardcore N's in the fam, I'm just hoping they emerge as one of them has (I am not speaking in the third person), I think because of time and age. Being a child of N's I know that I delve into my own vicious, vicious selfish cycles and hate myself and the pain I cause even when I'm in the middle of one. Its weird to understand this gross illness, and also be part of it. Fortunately I have a wonderful wife, and kids that keep me focused much of the time. Its good for me to get this out even knowing that even this long paragraph is filled with hypocrisy. Wow it has been a long time since I've been to this board, guess I had to air some things out.........lol.
reallyME:
There is a man that is an N on another forum, who claims to be in high authority, who is now launching a major SMEAR campaign against me and a friend of mine, who really cannot handle this sort of thing and also had nothing to do with what torked the dude off in the first place.
I had gone into the man's room in a hidden name, found out a dear friend of mine was in his ministry room, HELPING HIM and CLOSE TO HIM. I warned her immediately, and no, I was not nicey nice about it either. I said, "X, what on EARTH are you doin in this room with this man?" She said, "RM, is this really necessary?" I said "YES IT SURE IS!" She then told me, "Ok, go ahead, I'm listening. I proceeded to tell her about this man's controlling ways. She ended up reporting back to him what I said...which, SO WHAT? I don't give a rip, but he didn't slander me as much as he slandered a friend of mine I'm close to. He somehow has hacked her email and sent a letter "exposing" us all over to her friends, contacted her child at work, and, then sent a letter to another friend of mine against me and my friend.
This other friend and I went and confronted the N and he immediately told me I have 3 choices, "repent to him and be restored" refuse to repent and cut myself off from them, or stay in denial." My response "Since you are not MY GOD, I don't need to make any of those choices for you, and I've said what I had to say. X had nothing to do with this." With that, the N said "You have insulted me 13 times already in here so BYE, and he left. (He said I insulted him because I told him that IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII was the one who went to my friend and warned her against him and I STAND BY THAT AND WILL CONTINUE TO WARN PEOPLE!)
Then, my friend invited him back in a room to talk to her and her husband. Her husband said to him, "you don't want restoration N, you are looking for someone with a whip!" At that, N said, "I heard him! BYE FOR REAL!" and he ran again.
After all this, N went to his website and publically smeared us some more and told his goonies exactly everything that happened with us. He has done this before with the church that "slandered" him and didn't receive him.
So, there's an update on the latest N info for ya'll. Keep me in your prayers and all this involves.
Blessya and thanks for listening,
~ReallyME
wally:
Hi ReallyME,
This self declared god seems ("repent to him and be restored") fairly predictable, Vaknin says to "mirror his behavior"(Vaknin, Malignant Self Love). It would probably be hard to do, but if he is pursuing you and relentlessly so then why not. I know its hindsight but if you would have exalted yourself to god right back to him with the same or similar demands it seems to me that he would have been baffled (hee hee). It's really a tiff for tatt approach and uses more energy than I would want to spend but again if he is pursuing you then throw his absurdness right back in his face and publicly. I almost laugh as I write this, because without knowing this individual I am getting way to involved, but since this thread is about the "Vaknin Perspective" I thought it appropriate to consider a Vaknin solution, and I am sure it is much more involved than to fix with such a simple answer. At any rate God bless you in your damage control mode with this lovely character.
Sincerely,
Wally
reallyME:
Actually, Wally, you are RIGHT ON! This guy definitely is intimidated when others dare to stand up to him and fight power with power. He will run every time, saying that the person who dared to stand, is actually PERSECUTING HIM in some way.
I'd love to hear more from you, Wally, and from anyone else who has something to share on this.
~ReallyME
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