It was me all along?!

[Ross]

Just doing some soul searching and have come to realize that I am a total narcisist.  My wife left me a couple of months ago and I was devastated.  I'm still totally in love with her.  I'm not mad at her, just hurt.  She moved out of our home and into her boyfriend's place across town.  She says that he had nothing to do with it.  Anyway, she blamed me for ruining our relationship, for not listening enough, for being so critical all the time, for over-analyzing everything, for arguing too much...etc...

I didn't know I had a problem.  I thought she was the one who was wrong almost 100% of the time.  I pushed her away I suppose, but it was completely unintentional.  I do love her with all of my heart and I pray that she'll come back to me and give me another chance.  

Does anyone out there have any advice for me, or any success stories about someone overcoming their narcisism and having their mate return to them?  

----Ross

[Chris]

Well, I don't have a success story but I can relate.  I pushed my wife away for years. We haven't separated yet, and we're not sure where we're going to go.  This website was my true wake up call.  I read through all the posts in the other forum and it hit me really hard.  I recommend
reading as many of them as possible.  

Work on controlling yourself more one day at a time.  I've resolved to make this a wonderful year.  I've had three really
good days so far and i'm determined to keep the streak going.
I really think more about things before I say them.  It gets old
saying "i'm sorry honey, i didn't mean that".  Practice makes
perfect.  You will have to practice keeping yourself in check.

A good therapist will probably help.  I'm making an appointment
monday.  I have realized that before we go to counseling together, I will need to fix myself first.

Recognizing the problem is the first step.  Don't waste it,

Chris

[Ross]

Thanks for the post Chris.  I've been going through the threads on this board and have been reading and really paying attention to what people are saying.  There is a lot of good info on here and a lot of people who have dealt with similar issues.  

I resolved to be a better person when Mandi left me.  I made positive changes in myself and that is how I came to realize that I really did have a problem.  

I'm working on saying nice things, even when I feel like making sarcastic comments.  That's a pretty big challenge for me.  I'm looking around for a good therapist in my area so I can have someone to help me along.  

I know that I'm on the right track now and I know that I've already changed a great deal about myself and my behavior.  My wife has seen the changes as well and she is impressed, but she doesn't think that it will last.  I wish she knew how sorry I am and how willing I am to do whatever it takes to make things up to her.

[Chris]

Ross,

Check the last post of this thread...it has some great links.

http://www.voicelessness.com/disc3/viewtopic.php?t=203

Chris

[Moon]

Dear Ross.

Althought it was Jan the time of the last post I thought that I would reply anyway.

No you are more than likely not a N by the mear fact that you are taking responsibility for your own behaviour and looking at it in a true an honnest way.   The fact is that many/most of us who were raised with N parents have adopted some negative N behaviour in varying degrees (not all N behaviour is bad).  This patterning or behaviour sticks untill it is identified and altered. This is completely different to those that have NPD, they have very little chance for recovery.  

So the bottom line is here that you, like many people have traits that are not always possitive, but if you are willing to be honnest with your self then anything is possible.

Good luck with your future and your relationship.

Moon