my n mother at it again

[darky]

just when i thought it was safe or getting that way. my n mother has reared her ugly head.
her brother she fell out with 16 yrs ago (my uncle) died last week of cancer. his daughter (my cousin) had to go round and see her because of where my uncle wants his ashes to go (my Nan's grave) so shes had to get permission of my mum to do it as she was one of the siblings.
i get on well with my cousin and visited my uncle in the weeks before he died, there was no discussion about my mum.
instead of my mum being comforting to my cousin after just loosing her dad, she launched a full verbal attack about me, trying to poisen my cousin against me. luckily it backfired and my cousin said that for the first time, although she hasn't had a relationship with my mum she was able to see her for what she is, so that was something to be grateful for. my mother said she knew i had been round to see him and i only did it to get back at her because im evil you see. there were other things thrown in for good measure of course!

how low can she get?? I'm fuming with my mother because of the fact she has chosen perhaps the worst time in someones life to try and get at me. I'm ranting on here because if i didn't I'm sure to goround there and lump one on her!! grr what kind of a person does this to someone when they have lost their dad??

the other thing that was weird was 16 yrs ago when my granddad died (my mums dad) my mum swore blind one of my other aunties wanted to see him before he died to heal a rift between them. now shes saying the same about this person with my uncle, because there was a rift between this aunt and my uncle as well, this was all because of my granddad and when he died. this is why why mum fell out with her brother in the first place. talk about history repeating itself!! it seems weird to me that the same aunt who fell out with her dad, had of course planned to see my granddad weeks before he died but didn't, also planned to see my uncle to heal a rift weeks before he died! either my aunt is cursed and plans to see people just before they die, or my mum is delirious, and it proves my theory that she is an n and her life is all about role playing.

i am angry upset peed off but do i want her to know that? do i hell as like!!!

[Healing&Hopeful]

I am so sorry to hear about your uncles death and the reaction your cousin received from your Mum.  It is very understandable why you are upset and angry and I feel anyone in your shoes would be.  I feel it’s also very annoying that once you kind of get your feelings sorted with your Mum, things rear up and you can possibly feel like your back to square one.

Just wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you…. And to ensure you do something to pamper yourself. 

Take care

H&H xx

[Hop guest]

So sorry Darky. I sure can relate to the rage an N's manipulations can create.
As if the loss isn't enough, it somehow becomes ABOUT THE N, instead of about anyone's grief or paying respect to a life lived and done.

Maybe the one good thing that can come out of this is more closeness with your cousin, which could be a comfort to you.

Meanwhile...can't think of anything except take care of yourself, process your anger somewhere away from her...be kind to yourself...don't engage, don't believe that confronting her will make any difference.

Sounds as though you're well and truly separated from her, and this funeral was just a curtain call--a painful reminder of all you lose when your mother is an N.

Maybe some grieving of your own is what's due, for the kind of mothering you didn't get.

((((((Darky)))))))

Hopalong

[Sugarbear]

I'm so sorry about your uncle and what your cousin is going through.

It is horrible that your mom made the visit all about her agenda - but then it sounds as if she is incapable of seeing the world except for how it relates to her.

I wouldn't give her the benefit of knowing that her comments made it back to you. She wants a reaction - don't give her one.

Take care of you.

[Marta]

Darky,

THe ones to be really, really abused by the Ns for their dirty purposes are the dead. You see, they are not out there to defend themselves.

I too had similar experience. My mom didn't give a damn about my uncles died -- I must say I was really shocked because they appeared to be quite close at some point before he was devalued. Then after his death invented all kinds of obvious lies about him. During his life, he was a monster and his wife was a martyr. After he died, the roles were reversed -- you see a monster in hand is worth far more than two in the....