I sit just me ...

[roaring dad]

I have really begun to dread the impending arrival of 2/14 every year.

[write]

why?

[Hopalong]

Hey Roaring,
Can I give you a hypothetical set of survival instructions?

1) go buy construction paper, glitter, a glue stick and some markers
2) make 24 homemade goofy (not tidy and perfect) valentines
3) put them in a basket and tie a big floppy bow on the handle
4) get yourself one of those red clown noses
5) go find the nearest nursing home on Feb. 14, put on the nose, and pass 'em out

Love is all it is.
Hugs,
Hopalong

[mum]

Hoppy: BRILLIANT! I was just going to say that roaring dad could choose to nurture himself on that day....be his own valentine.
But the idea to share with others is awesome.

[Sela]

Hi RD:

I haven't been reading everything here lately so I'm sorry that I'm not familiar with your situation.  I'm just assuming that since your name is Roaring Dad, that you have a child or children.

Here's what helped me with Valentine's Day.  I got to thinking about what it was like when I was a kid, how we all exchanged little Valentine's.....girls and boys alike.......expressing friendship.  From that, I decided (way back then) that Valentine's day, for me, is a day to express my feelings to those I like or care about, so I've always sent little notes or small gifts to the people I like/care about, each year.  In this way.....even when I was without a partner in life.....I have not really felt deprived but rather that the day is an opportunity for me to share how I feel.

Since you have a child/children.......maybe you might decide to celebrate your feelings toward them and show them your feelings....in whatever way seems right??  Hope this helps a little.

  Sela

[roaring dad]

I find it very interesting.  This topic was supposed to be titled "Is it just me"  but somehow, I guess subconciously, I typed it as "I sit just me".

For me it is not so much the day and the holiday, but the thought and theme behind it.  I will be spending the day (well the part after school) with my daughter.  I bought her a small gift and some chocolates.  Maybe I'll even take her out to her favorite restauarant.  It should be really nice for us.

This is my off week.  Daughter is at her mom's, and when she is not here, it is so quiet.  When she is here, my every moment is full and active.  When she is not here, it is just me.  And to be honest, it feels very lonely.  I miss being in love.  I miss kissing and passion.  I'm an old fashion romantic, and a part of me feels lacking without someone to share that with.

[spyralle]

Me too RD.... But you know what, as hard as it is I would rather be alone and safe this year.

This time last year,. i was waiting with baited breath as my ex N had told me he was going to propose on V day.  When I got home from work there was a big bouquet of roses and a beautiful three course meal...  Candles burning and love songs on the stereo... Oh yes and heart shaped balloons.  Then he said not a word about proposing... and after eating we went and watched TV.  It was devastating.....  I kind of feel relieved this year.....

Spyralle

[roaring dad]

I hear you spy.  I made a promise to myself that I would never again let myself be controlled and belittled by someone who is supposed to love me.  Being alone is better than being with someone and feeling alone.

[mum]

There you go. Spy and R dad!!

I know exactly what you are saying, dad~!
When my kids are gone, it is empty but I do my best to fill up the time....with things THEY don't want to do with me. Like make tuna salad.
They hate that. Like go to mushy movies. Rent artsy movies they won't like. Take a long hot bath with  no interruptions....
 Anyway,  the point is to try to nurture yourself.

My husband (who I have yet to get to live with...oy) has a daughter, and he and I talk about  this a lot. He will also take his daughter out to restaurants (they are trying every Chinese restaurant in a 20 mile radius of the city right now!).  You sound like a great dad!!
It's hard to be alone, I know, but try to spoil yourself a bit. What do you like to do that you CAN'T do with your daughter (besides having sex with a totally georgeous woman of  your dreams? haha)  Maybe find a way to fill the void. I find MUSIC and READING real soul soothers.

[roaring dad]

I enjoy reading and music too.  I just finished a 1500 piece puzzle.  I spend a lot of time at the library and book store.  I have a love affair with knowledge, books, and reading.  Last night I went to the mall and shopped a bit.  I keep my days full. 

But the sex with the gorgeous woman of my dreams every now and then wouldn't be so bad (its been a few years - 3 and a half years as of Christmas - but who's counting)

I realize that I will meet someone good eventually.  I'm a great guy.  I have a lot going for me.  I'm just very shy when it comes to approaching women and I haven't seen many approach me in quite a while.

But enough of feelin sorry for myself.  I don't like to wallow and pull others into it.  I just needed to express my loneliness in order to deal with it.

[mum]

Roaring dad: you sound like my husband. Quiet, shy and thoroughly likeable!  Hang in there. You already know the georgeous love of your life is coming your way......keep believing it. My husband and I had NO idea we would ever get back together (after 25 years) but he was in my head always (ok, mostly in my subconsious and dreams...but he was there). And when we met again we had no clue HOW we could ever be together again.....and here we are.
So just keep the hope alive....enjoy your solitude.......she will come.

[Moira]

hi Dad! Glad you clarified  ' I sit just me"!! Interesting  ? Freudian- not that I'm a big Freud fan!- slip! " Is it just me...I sit just me"! I'm a word smith..I'm all about the semantics! anyway...far be it for me to tell you what you should be doing etc.- i personally hate the word- " should" ( ARRGGHHHH...Mind your f---in business ya nosey parkers!!! Hee hee!). I can only speak from my own experience. When I'm really alone and lonely i know i kinda get desperate. i crawl inside my head and that's always a dangerous place for me to spend alot of time!! I wander around looking at happy couples, see love etc everywhere- on TV, music, billboards etc---it's everywhere!- and it makes me want to scream!!!! Kick small animals, push carriages into traffic, slap lovers silly!!! A wee bit extreme i know, but ya get my drift! I never seem to be able to meet anyone when I'm in this head space and funk. My desparation oozes out of every pore and hangs over me like a cloud of stink! If I can get outta my head and focus on other people - doing something with or for others- I'm not desperate or looking for anything. I start attracting all kinds of good stuff and people to  me . One thing I have noticed when I'm skulking around my place feeling totally alone...i never seem to bump into any scintillating good looking charming sexy men!!!...in my apartment!!! And they aren't exactly beating a path to my door!! A few months ago i started taking an art class, started swimming three nights a week at a community center, and am doing volunteer work with kids...and lo and behold! I've met several neat men who say they are attracted to my laughter, my smile, my compassion, my zest etc etc....Oh God, just perusing what I just wrote! Sounds a wee bit like a cheesy Hallmark card!! Let's all have a big group hug and sing "Kumbaya" ( I'm all about the words, but not all about the spelling! Hee hee), shall we?!!! It's sappy..but true! Anyway, Dad, you sound like a lovely man and even though it's not the goofy Heart day yet...I'm sitting at my desk at work, looking at a beautiful mountain view, sunny and eating a piece of chocolate in your honour! Be good to yourself...indulge yourself...hell, be naughty!!! hugs! Moira

[spyralle]

Aren't books a great thing though...  from being a child I have always been able to escape into reading.  After reading your post RD I remembered I had a library ticket so off I went...

I love the fact that you are so sure that you will meet the woman of your dreams.  i remember Mum's post a while ago abour manifesting your thoughts....
What you think you create....

Spyralle x

[roaring dad]

This is very much off topic, but on the subject of affirmations and creating your own realities, you should watch the DVD "What the Bleep Do We Know".  It is a mixture of hard science, quantum physics, and metaphysical studies.  I found it very interesting.  Also Douglas Adams (writer of Dilbert) wrote a book called "God's Debris", which is available as a free ebook download.  It is about creating your own realities through affirmations and self inspection.

I find the studies of these things very interesting, but I don't know how much of it I believe.

[Hopalong]

Hey RD,
I heard that was an interesting movie but then I heard it was funded by Ramtha, one of those I'm-channeling-special-news-from-a-sacred-being-that-for-some-reason-only-I-can-hear people, a woman who has gotten very very very rich sharing her "spiritual guidance" at pricey workshops (I always thought the best spiritual advice was supposed to be free...)

What did you like about the movie?

Hops