hey sugarbear,
a little developmental psycho-babble i picked up in a nursing class:
by toddler-hood children have developed three basic personality types when it comes to social interaction:
avoidant, ambivalent, and attached.
the attached toddler: when it's time for mommy to leave him in a room alone with other toddlers, the attached baby shows signs of great distress and has to be pried, practically from the hands of his mother in order for her to leave the room. once mom is gone, he is still under great stress and when she returns he becomes calm again.
the avoidant toddler: when it's time for mommy to leave the room, this toddler allows her to go without obvious distress. once she is gone, he shows distress (he misses her) but avoids the group as well. upon her return, he ignores/avoid her presence in defiance for her leaving.
the ambivalent toddler: when it's time for mommy to leave, he experiences some distress, but once she is gone, he takes to the group and interacts with the others. when mom returns, he is responsive to her.
i'm not sure if we are hard-wired for this or if we learn this from our parents, (probably some of both). and i don't think this toddlerhood pattern is consistently true for the child throughout his life.
Personally, I was an ambivalent personality until I met my husband. I figured out that my parents were "off" when I was in jr. high school. So, in order to avoid them, I became engulfed in social/ extra-curricular activities at school. Anything to stay away from them, I attended a plethora of summer enrichment programs. Despite living an extremely sheltered life up until high school, I had become quite the social butterfly by 10th grade. I was class president twice, nominated for Most Popular and was the prom queen. In college, more of the same. I worked really hard at maintaining my friendships and learned many of the caveats of keeping people happy. I didn't just have one group of friends, or a major clique. I was a floating member of many, many cliques from the athletes to the pretty girls to the nerds. I pledged a sorority and tacked on about 100,000 more "friends."
Then I met my husband. And my friends, when I run into them now, all say, "Gosh, we thought you fell of the face of the earth!" I have one best friend, we met when we were five years, and she witnessed the entirety of my family's abuse. We don't speak/see each other often, but I know I can call her anytime and she will listen, encourage, and love me. But other than her, my husband, and my daughter, I don't feel I "need" to maintain other friendships, anymore. It's a lot of work and there's so many opportunities for something to "come between" you and your loved ones.
Besides, sugarbear, you sound as though your life is fulfilling for you, you are creative, you garden. You sound like a peaceful, reflective soul. Your life sounds like the one I'm striving for. Best of luck to you.
Tiffany