Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > What Helps?

Which of your basic beliefs help you strive and survive in the world?

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Sela:
Hi all:

I thought maybe this topic might be better placed over here on this board.  Hopefully, someone will notice it and reply (there's that what--if-nobody-replies fear thingy happening again! :shock: oh...well, what will be..will be, I guess. :D).

Some of the recent discussions got me thinking about some of my very basic beliefs and how I think they have helped me to strive to survive in the world.  Thinking about it all, I'm not even sure where some of these beliefs came from but I hold onto them anyway and find them somewhat of a ......comfort.

One is......I believe most people are good and are trying to behave well.  This helps me to try to be kind to others, to try not to judge them too quickly, and to be tolerant of their imperfections (not that I am able to do all of those things all of the time....but the belief helps me to try harder).

Then I started wondering......I wonder what other people believe in and how that helps them along the road in this life?

If you feel like sharing, I'd love to listen.

 :D Sela

mum:
Sela, I think our core beliefs run everything. I also think they change over time. If we are not aware of what they are, we do things in an almost unconsious way, and then wonder why life is so awful!
I believe that becoming consious IS the only way to change anything about ourselves (otherwise it is surface and false and will disappear with the wind).

I had to dig down to my core beliefs when I needed to change.  Because I learned that through my beliefs and thoughts and feelings, I CREATE my life (good or bad). Through the power of energy and attraction, the universe in it's unconditional love GIVES me what I "ask" for through those beliefs (which create and drive our experiences)......I decided to change it up!!

What I found was that I believed I had to suffer to be good. So I suffered.  I no longer believe that. I no longer suffer.

Another was that  life sucked and people are mean. So life sucked and people were mean. I no longer believe that..  Life is great, and some people are messed up, but most are nice.

I believed that it was my job to make everyone else happy, even at my own expense. So I gave up myself, for the sake of others, to a job I could never really do (happiness is internal). I no longer do that. I concentrate on what happiness means to me, and in turn, show others kindness and compassion and voila! They SEE, by my example, how they can REALLY make themselves happy .

I believed that I was a victim and was powerless. So I attracted people in pain (N's!!) who lorded over me and abused me.
I no longer believe that. I am in charge of myself and own my power.

I believed that to have my own boundaries and to insist that they be respected, meant to be unkind, and I didn't want to be unkind. So my boundaries were violated repeatedly. Now I believe that keeping my own boundaries with others is the kindest, most compassionate thing I can do for everyone. And I am respected, although I have lost a few relationships that were based on the "old me". I don't mourn those losses.

I believed everyone else's opinion mattered more than mine. So I felt worthless. Now I know everyone, including me, is entitled to their opinion, but it doesn't make it right, or make it mine.  So now I feel worthy and I can let people have their say, too.

pennyplant:
Hi Mum,

Your old core beliefs sound a lot like mine that I am trying to overcome.  Did specific events occur which opened your eyes and allowed you to see where your core beliefs were incorrect or self-fulfilling?  I mean, what were some turning points that changed you, if you would like to share any?  For me, concrete events or memories help me to learn and change myself.  That is why I'm curious about what kind of event or person let you see that people are good rather than mean, for example.

Pennyplant

mum:
Penny plant: I was in a really bad space, emotionally, after losing a very harrowing and quite awful court battle with my ex husband (a flaming NNNNN!!!!)
Anyway, I guess you could call it "situational depression" but I was at the bottom of the barrel, having lost my freedom
(I thought) to this evil man. I was angry beyond words, frustrated at the glaring injustice that had been handed to me, and not so sure I would ever recover. Dispair like I had never really known, much worse than when I divorced the jerk 7 years earlier. It was my teenage son who finally told me " you are miserable and you are making us miserable" and this wounded me so deeply, as I have never been a sad or angry person, really, I thought. And I was determined NOT to let this asshole turn me into a pathetic mother as well.  So I guess you might say it was my kids who jolted me out of it...

Anyway, I guess I hit bottom. One of my sisters introduced me to a woman who cut through all the crap, and told me exactly what was going on with me (she is clairvoyent). She told me what she saw going on, energetically and spiritually with me and it was shocking, really. But she was dead on.  She nailed it, all of it. I guess I could have figured it out for myself, eventually, but I was so enmeshed in my pain, I didn't know what to do. She taught me ways to deal with pain, and how to claim my own power over my life. She didn't open my eyes so much as she just told me to LOOK!!!!
She opened a door for me, but I walked through, which is what teaching is all about.... and I think I found her at just the right time. I think that really does happen. A "cosmic tumbler" as the saying goes.

Most people will agree that people don't seek change if they are comfortable with the way things are. Well, I was not, and I guess God heard me and connected me with this woman. I have learned so much from her. I consider her my mentor and teacher, even though I only talk to her every six months or so. She is the one who first taught me how energy works and about attraction and belief systems. It is actually information that you can find anywhere, and everywhere now ("everybody's saying it" says my mentor).
I also continued working with a wonderful traditional therapist, who is not opposed to talking about spirituality, which was a great thing for me to find out....(as a traditional therapist, she doesn't 'lead' with her spirituality). So I got a lot of support when I most needed it.

I don't think it's necessary to HIT BOTTOM like I did in order to change things, but you do have to get uncomfortable enough to seek it. I do believe in the unconditional love of the universe and that if we knock....a door opens.

In addition to these helpful women, I READ everything I could get my hands on about awakening, enlightenment, fear, power, intention....and absorbed SO much, adjusting it to fit ME... and my style. 

pennyplant:
Thanks, Mum, that helps a great deal.  It makes me think I'm on the right track with the way I've been doing things.  Still have quite a ways to go, though.  The positive thinking is not automatic at all with me, it is still two steps forward, one step back.

I would like to meet someone like your clairvoyant mentor someday.  That would be very cool.  Generally, though, I meet up with people (or cross paths with them is more like it) who have an impact on my life that seems negative at the time.  Then eventually I learn the thing I was supposed to learn because of that person.  It all becomes clear in retrospect, which is where my haphazard journal-keeping comes in handy.  Re-reading and being reminded of how I felt and what was going on at the time also teaches me part of the lesson I'm supposed to be learning.  And it often shows me how far I've come personally since the particular events or people came into my life.

Now that I'm really making progress, and am actually feeling better inside, this journey is becoming enjoyable sometimes.

PP

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