Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > What Helps?
Which of your basic beliefs help you strive and survive in the world?
pennyplant:
Hi Moonlight,
I am learning a lot from your outlook and others here, too. One mistake I have made, and still make probably, is not starting with myself as far as kindness and respect. So, even though I do believe in the basic goodness of others, I have often felt resentment of other people. MAYBE, some of that is because I did not meet my basic needs of kindness and respect to myself. Maybe I didn't realize I deserved it as much as anybody else does.
I wouldn't begrudge kindness and respect to others, but I withheld it from myself. Not too fair!! And maybe that is why I get so very resentful of people who I perceive as not being kind and respectful of me. If I give that to myself then maybe I won't require so very much of it from others.
Well, this explains a lot. Thank you, Moonlight.
PP
miss piggy:
Hello all,
this is interesting!
I believe, along with Jacmac, that the Golden Rule is a pretty good rule to live by. My new realization is that not everyone is going to subscribe to it but I still can because it helps me feel more secure. This belief has been tested and tested. 8)
I used to believe I had to earn my right to be here on Planet Earth, but now I realize I don't have to do that anymore.
A new belief is that God/higher power/creative force (whatever you want to call it) has a plan I don't have to understand but just know that because I was created just as I am, I'm a part of that Bigger Picture, even if others let me know I don't fit into their Smaller Picture. I can now shrug my shoulders at those statements and attitudes and get on with my journey.
Another thought: Every happens for a reason (even if I don't know what the reason is).
Cheers, MP
pennyplant:
Hi Miss Piggy,
I have also had the problem of thinking I'm not even deserving of the space I take up. That feeling is starting to go away. It does help to know that God is at work in my life. Must be I matter then, hmmm?
I agree with you, Moonlight, I have to pay more attention to that little girl in me and take better care of her. I'm working on that.
Pennyplant
Sela:
Wow! Thankyou all for replying. It feels like you've all given me a gift because people's core beliefs can be very personal and even a little risky to speak of....so I feel a little like I'm asking a lot. Thankyou so much for sharing!!
Like Mum, who put down some of hers that have changed and how that came about (exposing some deep stuff there Mum, thankyou for that and Yay! For you! Because you've come through it all shining like a beautiful star, regardless of those trials).
And Jac, who said about picking untrustworthy men after surviving incest (crazy? you asked Jac. imo, not really. It kind of prooved your theory eh?). I'm so sorry that you had to endure that and I hope some men in your life have prooven that theory wrong. ((((((((Jac)))))))). I'm glad you have some really helpful, positive basic beliefs!
Pennyplant: Positive thinking may not be automatic but just by believing and trying you will soon develop new habits that are likely to help you, I bet. Repeat after me: "I do have a right to take up space, as a matter of fact, I am a very valuable and worthy person". It's the truth Pennyplant! :D
Moonlight: I like that you said your most important core belief is kindness. I think that says a lot about you and I feel very glad to meet you. I hope you are being kind to yourself and I'm glad you are aware that that is important. I think it will help you to be your best which can only benefit those around you. So, in a way, being good to yourself is a kindness to others (because when you are not good to yourself....you may not, think, feel, act your best.....and others could suffer). Does that make sense?
Hey Miss Piggy! Good to see you posting! Yes, the good old golden rule (and it's good that you realize that not everyone is going to subscribe to it.....still.......they're just .....stupid ( :shock: :mrgreen: just kidding!).
The more people who do go with that rule.......the better life will be for everyone, I bet. If the whole world could agree on one rule........that would be my vote! How cool would that be eh? 8) (just a little day dream there....nothing serious. :D).
--- Quote ---I used to believe I had to earn my right to be here on Planet Earth,
--- End quote ---
There's that unworthiness thingy popping up again. Another nasty effect of living in an abusive environment, I think I've learned that on this board. I'm glad you have a new outlook and are seeing yourself as part of a bigger picture! And especially that you can shrug and move on like that! Wonderful stuff MP!! Good change happening there!!
I find it interesting to hear about all of your beliefs and I find that I share many of them (and have shared some that have changed). It's a good topic to think about. Some of my core beliefs are what keep me going, I think, and others, have slowed me down. :roll: Like everything, I struggle to find a happy medium.
Sela
Sheela:
Without my faith in God, so much of my experience would have seemed purposeless.
Yet I alway s knew that was being brought through a process, a spiritual process.
I felt as though I was being severely tested so I could learn to be strong
and independent after being married to an NPD for ten years.
I needed to develop that strength. Also the extra blessing, the silver
lining was that my children were able to see how much I cared about them,
despite all the obstacles.I believe the fact that I left my marriage provided them
with an alternative ethical framework.
They will never doubt that I love/loved them, because I stayed strong
and proved it.
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