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Need eldercare advice please

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Anonymous:
seeker,

Both of my in-laws died in the last year. They were divorced and competed for their son's time. Both were Ns! My MIL died only last week!  In their final years they needed *massive* amounts of time/energy/effort/responsibility. There was only one way to deal with it: PAY A CAREGIVER!!! It's worth every dime.

bunny

Guest (Lizbeth):
Seeker,

That is what my friend was doing for his mother, but they went through 6 caregivers in two weeks, and she was becoming increasingly violent, so back in the hospital she went until they can get her into a facility that can care for her properly.  He is full of scraches and bites and windows, lamps, screen doors and blinds in his house are broken and smashed.  The hospital is working on getting her meds correct and won't release her now as they did the first time she was taken in.

Lizbeth

seeker:
Dear Lizbeth and Bunny,

I feel awful for your friend, Lizbeth.  What a thing to have to go through!  

I tried to get a gauge on whether or not my father is able to care for himself when he's alone.  Can't he or won't he?  My mother says he can but he won't.  She takes regular breaks whether he likes it or not.  (He doesn't.)  It's like she can't breathe in her own house!  He's like a little child you have to watch and entertain all the time and the only time you get a break is when the child is taking a nap.  But I don't think either one of them is ready for a caregiver yet.  

I don't know what to call it, but the overriding theme is simply anxiety, obsessing about dying, what if, what if, what if, and massive irritability.  It's so sad because this isn't a way to live, no matter how much time one has left.

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