Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > What Helps?

Wife, Now Mother of A Narcissist

<< < (3/3)

blue:
I just wanted to add that my thoughts are with you
i too feel tired..waiting just for the day when i can rest..and not have to feel this constant pull and saddness
I was raised with two N'(both parents)
 My brother is an N and my daughter (my three young ones are fine) (Even my  Grandmother was an N)
and my b/f for five years who is still constantly in my life (because i still love him)
I have been lucky in that I have been able to keep my self centered
But it is hard
Sometimes I am so tired
I have lost so much(money,freinds,etc) and i have tried to hold onto what is important
it is a constant struggle because N's drain you and leave you feeling as if your brain has been turned upside down (because it is how THEIR brain is)
meditation has helped me and having my pets...because they are real
and N's are never real
blue

bobby mcgee:
Hey, I don't know if this willl work.. I haven't been on in a while.  
I just wanted to commend you women (mothers and former wives) for recognizing the problem.
I am 24 and I just today got out of divorce mediation.  In october I left my husband (can't decide if he was an N or a sociopath or both) but definitely abusive.  His father also really damaging.  First, I thought I just got taken to the cleaners financially, and your posts make me so relieved that we don't have kids... as in it could have been worse.
My former mother in law will never be honest about what happened between she and her son's father.  I think she still blames herself to some extent.  This makes her very defensive and protective of her son.  She was a good friend of mine before I married her son.  When I first tried to tell her that he had abusive tendencies, she sided with him.  From then on she conspired with him, and her failing to be honest with herself and him about the problems (both of her past with X-NH father) and XNH himself, has certainly not helped my soon to be former husband get therapy and it was really harmful to me for our 4 years of marriage.
So I guess this is just a word of encouragement.  You can get trapped in blaming yourself for an awful lot, and taking responsibility for things that are out of your control.  But telling the truth and facing things honestly is in our control, and by getting divorced (after a thousand second chances and efforts to fix things) and by seeing your children honestly, you are doing that.  And that honesty (supporting unfortunate daughter-in-laws while still loving your sons) and fighting for custody even if it means going bankrupt, and loving yourself for protecting youself and doing healing work for yourself)) really means something significant.  Blessings!      

April:
I am sad and glad to find out that I am not alone.I know the pain and damage a N can cause.I was married to one for 13 years. My N ex is also a psychiatrist and has used his training and money to fool the courts into awarding him with custody of our children.I used to be a stay home mother but all that changed when I had, had enough and asked for a divorce.He had me almost convinced I was the crazy one.I am still fighting this custody battle.I have gathered alot of evidence against my ex and am now on equal footing in the eyes of the court.The last time I went to court my ex's attorney asked if I was willing to have a psychological evaluation .I stated that I was fine with it as long as my ex be ordered to have one too,due to all of the documentation I had filed against my ex. The judge agreed with me.The kicker to all of this is that my ex was ordered to pay for both of our evaluations.I walked out of that court room with the biggest grin on my face.I am going back to court in two days to review the evaluations.Unfortuanately for my ex he has to explain to the judge why he never showed up or called to cancel the appointment.The best advise I can give is to never give up.N's are by nature childish bullies.They run like little cowards when the heat starts heading their way.

Sheela:
Dear April,

The story you related conveys an important truth: the only things that N's can't effectively oppose is . . . courage.
Bravo!

There is such a thing as justice and we owe to the world to require it!

sheela

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[*] Previous page