Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > What Helps?

Wife, Now Mother of A Narcissist

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arlene johnson:

--- Quote from: SheelaNaOg on March 15, 2006, 12:35:23 PM ---I am an survivor of an abusive narcissistic husband, and now after tearful entreaties by my daughter-in-law, I am the mother of a confirmed narcissist

So much has happened to me that it is easier and saner to say, that I have seen it all and have come to understand what happened and why.

Usually I am able to stay in the moment and be grateful for the healing path of my life after I left my marriage.

I was a sued by my narcissistic ex for three years until I lost custody of my children and lost what assets I had, to lawyers.

Eventually it came around as my ex's behaviors finally caught up to him after 11 years. He fled the country and left the children behind.

Aside from the narcissist son (whom I love) I have two other healthy children.

Now that my daughter-in-law is being treated for depression and her counselor has said that my son is narcissist,

I feel great almost overwhelming sadness, not despair, sadness.

All in all, my experiences have been that no one was/is really able to help. The only curative posture is to move away from the narcissist.

Now that I see my daughter-in-law facing the same bizarre behavior as it emanates from my son, I have had to be direct and honest.

I have given her tough advice.  Now I am Left with pain and shame (however unreasonable) that I could not protect my son

from being co-opted by his narcissist-father.

I have just reached fifty and I am tired. So tired.

Thanks for listening,

 Sheela





--- End quote ---

arlene johnson:
This sounds just like me.  I have lost the children I raised, my home, my job...my life.  I was loved then dumped...moved another woman into the home in front of my children.  Attorney fees out the wazoo.  Talked badly of me to others.  I feel so alone and removed from my children

Hopalong:
Arlene,
This sounds horribly painful, I am so sorry.
I hope you will find support here..and in your real world too.

After what you've been through, you've earned it.
(It can make such a difference to have a therapist, a women's support group...)

I hope you will walk out of your isolation, one step at a time...

And welcome here,

Hopalong

Sheela:
Dear Arlene,

I feel enormous sympathy for you and I have an understanding of the bizarre experience you have just lived. Foe one thing, the complete die-away of friends, family and supportive people was incomprehensible to me. The unearned shame offered to me as a non-custodial mother seemed unreal. I knew i had not earned it except perhap sin the view that it took me too long to realize in what dire circumstance i and my children were. I alsohad to endure distance and removal from my children. My abiltiy to protect them was weakened.

But aside from all that, I decided I had "agency" as their bith mother that no one else could have and tI decided I would act when the situation called for me to. My biggest danger was losing myself to self pity and woundedness. I can't say that it all came out rosily but it certainly came out better than it could or should have.

This could be the fight of your life and there may be no accounting for your loss. However if you act upon your non-custodial rights and insisit upon them, you will have a chance to help your children in more ways than you can imagine.

My heart goes out to you.

Love Sheela

ANewSheriff:

--- Quote ---I have just reached fifty and I am tired. So tired.
--- End quote ---

I can imagine how exhausted you must be.  This must feel overwhelming.  Sometimes, when I am all wound up about people, places, and things I remind myself to just be still.  To breathe.  These emotional situations are so draining. 

Spring is here.  I hope you will take the time to go outside and see the flowers and trees budding - everything is coming back to life after a long winter's sleep.  We can too.  These emotionally draining relationships tend to put us in a sleeplike state.  It is as if our critical thinking skills, our own needs, our sanity is in hibernation. 

I hope that you will find some comfort and solace in your own "spring".  You are a weary traveler.  Take your shoes off and rest for awhile.

ANewSheriff     

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