fear of your N?

[seasons]

del

[pennyplant]

funny how she loves to through around how worried she is about her 40 year old sister, yet she never protected me at 8 from her husband.

Seasons, it's no wonder you have these feelings.  You learned at age 8 that you were not safe from these people.  I don't think you're crazy at all.  Probably you're the most sane one in your entire family of origin.  What you saw all around you and what happened to you was all wrong.  It's so unfair that all these years later you still have to feel afraid of these people.  It's a heavy burden to still be carrying around now.  Do you have a therapist at this time?  If not, maybe it would help.

Pennyplant

[Hopalong]

Seasons,
Ditto everyone, and especially about your bravery.
I think naming fear FEAR, and also recognizing its size--really not fooling yourself that it's too big to manage right now alone--is important. Seems to me you really would benefit from therapy. Just a book or two might not be enough to unravel a lifetime's trembling.

And you don't want to be shaking like a leaf the rest of your life. Maybe you're getting ready to come into your Strong Season.

I have to also (uncomfortably) thank you for the message quote, which is ALL TOO CLOSE to messages I have left for my adult daughter. This is serious helpful. I do NOT want her feeling that way about me!

(((((((((Little Seasons))))))))) and ((((((((((New Strong Seasons)))))))))))

Hops

[reallyME]

seasons:

I want to yell where were you then?!!!!!!!!! I probably don't want to know the answer.....

Then, maybe that's exactly what you need to do.  Perhaps you can't AT your sister, but YELL IT at a chair, at a friend who loves you and wants to help, etc.  It's called REGRESSIONAL THERAPY, and I believe in it wholeheartedly.

~ReallyME

[reallyME]

Seasons,

I'm assuming you meant that you had your husband stand in "proxy" for the person that is the N in your life, and so you yelled at him, directing it to the N?

~ReallyME

[tryingtocope]

Hi Seasons.....

Yes, I do fear my N. It's really the triggers and panic I feel that I fear when having to interact with her.  And even when I don't have to interact with her, when she treats someone that I care about (such as my grandmother or my dad) viciously, that same panic and fear returns.  The feeling is terrible. It sounds like you are experiencing the same kind of thing.

(((((((((Seasons))))))))))

[moonlight52]

Hi Seasons , I have experienced great fear and panic of my n dad for most of my life.N dad has tried to control my children(DID NOT WORK).Today was his 83rd birthday he was at his office .I went down there
brought him a nice gift and card .Gave him a hug alone in office.I did not turn into my usual 5 year old self .AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!What can account for this ? This support group has helped me very much.
And I just thought today I will try to be a little tiny braver just a little step and try it on for size.Well n dad did not scare me one bit and I said my happy birthday and went home(he did not want any big party)
So there ya are. Maybe if we just go step by step its going to be ok.
moonlight

[pennyplant]

Today was his 83rd birthday he was at his office .I went down there
brought him a nice gift and card .Gave him a hug alone in office.I did not turn into my usual 5 year old self .AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!What can account for this ? This support group has helped me very much.
And I just thought today I will try to be a little tiny braver just a little step and try it on for size.Well n dad did not scare me one bit and I said my happy birthday and went home(he did not want any big party)
So there ya are. Maybe if we just go step by step its going to be ok.
moonlight

You did great Moonlight.
Every time someone here has a triumph like this,
I think it makes me feel a little stronger too
 Like we're all holding hands or something.

I do think it's going to be okay, more than okay, as I like to say.   

Pennyplant

[moonlight52]

Hi PennyP   Its even better. The last time I was in his office was on a Saturday and just my 27 year old d was there and he verbally hurt me real bad .Something my 27 year old had never seen . She took me out of there in tears. Well that was 2 and1/2 months
ago. Now I went back into that
 scary place alone. It was OK .Thanks PP hugs and hugs again
Moon

[Hopalong]

Now I went in to scary place alone it was OK

This is wonderful, Moon.
Your strength is real and it will increase!

You felt your fear and did it anyway.

BRAVO,
Hops

[reallyME]

way to GO Moon!

~ReallyME

[moonlight52]

Thanks Reallyme   I do not understand the hurt my Dad went thur as a kid but it was bad .So there it is. Lucky it stopped with
me and I have not passed it down. This was a good step better late than never. HUH !!!!!!!!!!!!
Moon    ThankS...............my hubbys on a long business trip so its just me and my 2 girly girls nite nite

[moonlight52]

SEASONS     I want to send big hugs to you
                                 MOON

[Sheela]

This from me to my N son: (thought it might be appropriate to this topic).
I appreciate the wonderful comfort in the posted comments.

Love, Sheela

___________________

Blind

When I am
Blind to God
I do not see
Holiness in you

When I am hopeless;
I can’t discern
The spark that used to
Leap upward from inside you

Lighting
Your wondering eyes
With the flame of timid candles
In deepening night 

I can’t see you now
Or the lights I lit
So long ago;
The dark is chilly cold

I sense
A shell; no lamps
And fear
I have gone blind
Unable to see
A pathway leading
To your love

[moonlight52]

Sheela     I am overcome with the beauty of these words Thank You I understand the reaching out.Also I know in my heart
we will all hold hands with our dear loved ones never doubt this .The path is always there.
I respect the light within you
moon