Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > What Helps?
Narcissistic Personality Disorder: basic description
gratitude28:
Sheela,
I am so sorry for you. It must be so hard to see your baby that way. To you he must still be your baby, and you keep getting sucked in by that.
I too feel pity for my mother. She is so obviously pathetically trying to be something, and she doesn't know what or who that is or how to do it. She spends so much time on the trivial and has no real richness in her life. She often seems so scared and childlike. But, like you said, when I try to be kind, that is when she will do something nasty. So I can pity her, but I need to do so at a distance.
Sheela, I truly am sorry for you. A mother's bond with her child seems unbreakable. You must be so hurt.
Love, Beth
Sheela:
Dear beth,
Loving from a distance is still a powerful thing . . .
We are forced to learn from the N's in our life the difference is between love and indulgence.
There is also difference between being hurt and being detached, I am not saying that I am not in pain, at times
but there is always some kind of pain in life and there is always hope, too. I no longer think my pain is somehow more searing
or more deeply felt than anyone elses and i do not fear the pain i feel
we shouldn't forget that narcissism is the result of a terrible emotional wound, we shouldn't forget that
the purpose of this experience is to teach us something important
i would rather be "sucked in" by love a thousand times than reject, out of hand, my own flesh . . .distance, detachment
and careful consideration is as you pointed out a good strategy
Regards
Sheela
Sheela:
Dear Moon,
Thank you, I am do glad you are still here! you are not by any means silly or foolish but loving. gentle and wise
I am so glad and honored to be your friend . . .
Our N's they have deep feelings but there is a kind of emotional dullness, a kind of low IQ-ness of emotional smarts . . .
I believe that drabness leads them to their hurtful ways . . .if i was ever wise, it comes from the difficulty of dealing with the N scenario
Bless you my dear, there is such kindness in your words, so gald youare back . .. i will lookat the other thread and then
to sleeeppzzzzz . . ..
Your Friend
Sheela
gratitude28:
Moon,
You are such a good person. I am trying to get where you are... to feel bad for my mother and be more understanding. Some days I can :) I pray for her. And it is terrible to imagine a person can go through life not feeling love. Thank you for being an inspiration.
Beth
MarisaML:
This is a wonderful thread, gratitude! I like to see how N's are defined and others' views together. I do feel so strongly that my MIL and SIL are both N's. My other SIL has N traits but I don't believe she has the disorder. And the men in the family had always hid their heads in the sand and chose to ignore these mean bossy women. Except for now my husband and brother-in-law are coming around. I printed off some things about N's off the internet and gave to my SIL Teresa (husband's brother's wife) and she read them and agreed that it sounded like the in-laws. She then passed on the papers to her husband and didn't tell him the source of them. She didn't say anything about his mother but told him she thought it was like his sister. He read the red flags of narcissism and said that it did sound just like his sister and it sounded like his mother too. A few days later she told me that he had been reading a lot about narcissism. This made me feel better that more people are aware of what is going on with the in-laws. My husband has read the symptoms of narcissism also and agreed it sounded a lot like them too. I'm not sure where this is going but I do hope that 'awareness' of the Narcissism will help. And the more people who understand the disorder the better. Knowledge is power after all. :)
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