Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > What Helps?

Narcissistic Personality Disorder: basic description

<< < (4/6) > >>

Sheela:
Dearest Moonie-Sweet,

Thank goodness for your messages . . .they brighten my day . . .I am happily over-working plus I GOT PROMOTED!

I have an idea here, a friend who spent long months in therapy as an aging N, told me that he thinks that in cases like his own,
the aging process helped him  . .. he describes it as "aging out" of narcissicism. The body and psyche gets to tired to keep all that disturbance going.
It isn't true in all cases but perhaps in a mild case, life experience mitigates and as he has told me, provides a painful but instructive lesson.
My "recovered" N friend still has some symptoms, he freely admits, but he is proud that he has learned to empathize and relate to many people emotionally
in a way that he was unable to in the past.

My point is and here is the mystery I contemplate . .. Love is a spiritual attribute, a condition of the soul, something i believe we all contain . . .
If this is true, then all human beings are at least capable of some form of love.

Remember Orson Welles and the movie, "Citizen Kane" . . . ?
The bloated overweening character (modeled on multi-millionaire Randolph Hearst) gasps with his dying breath . . .
the word . . ."Rosebud."  The characters in the film who survive Kane are baffled because they don't know who
 or what "Rosebud" is . . .only the person watching the movie truly knows that Rosebud, the last thing on earth truly loved by Kane is  . . .well,

A SLED . . .with the word "Rosebud" painted as a brand name on it.

Sometimes people with emotional trauma never grow (emotionally) past the age of their wound.
"Citizen Kane" tell us on his deathbed precisely when he was wounded . . . by whispering the name of the last pitiful object
he was able to freely love  . . .

My point is, a disabling wound like that happens in early childhood, before conscience and awareness are fully developed. . .
hence the lack of awareness, the lack of empathy, the emotional shallowness . . .

Only self-preservation survives, at all costs . . .
What a terrible wound! What a tragic loss!

Yet I think, there is hope  . .  .we don't expect sick people to perform like athletes,
should we expect the emotionally crippled amongst us to embody
what they are incapable of perceiving? Naturally, ther is no excuse for unlawful behavior.

A hard question . . .something i could not have asked myself 10 or 15 years ago . . .

I would love to hear some other thoughts on this . . .especially yours,
Moonlight

Love and Regards,
Sheela

reallyME:
Wow

This gave me some hope that one day Jodi might actually "age out" of Nism too.  Thanks.

Laura

lightofheart:
Like many here, I grew up with an N-parent who, so far as I know, managed never to grow up. Bummer for him!
As to defining narcissism in a more personal vs. clinical way, every narcissist I've ever been close to exhibited these traits in abundance:

-Lack of reciprocity; in an intimate setting, Ns usually spoke about themselves exhaustively with little or no interest in me beyond as an audience/giver of support. Very skilled at diverting conversation back to themselves even if I mention any problem in my own life.

-Lack of accountability; all his/her problems came from outside the self--other people or 'the universe' were to blame for everything, which conveniently protected the N from looking at their own choices/behavior or taking responsibility for their own happiness.

-Broken glasses/mirror; N's self-perceptions and perceptions of others were so distorted (or downright delusional) their descriptions of people/events/self bore no resemblance to anyone else's reality. Every N I've known was an unreliable narrator of their own life.

-Inability to process or consider even constructive suggestions/criticism; any suggestion that N's behavior/attitude was at fault or had adverse consequences were met with some combination of defensiveness, anger, dishonesty, excuses, manipulation and self-pity.

Oh, the things we learn the hard way...

lightofheart:
Moonlight,
I think my post was one person's subjective description of NPD in action, according to the thread topic. I tried to use what I've learned along the way that might help me or anyone else recognize narcissism in the moment. If your question means that you saw 'blaming the N' there, that's your truth and it's as good as anyone's, and I guess we see blame differently.

My phrasing may be light, but I sincerely believe it is a 'bummer for him' that my father never grew up. I feel for him and all the people and experiences he's lost due to his narcissism. I'll always be grateful that his suffering taught me more than I could say about the futility of judging or blaming someone for who they are. Because I'm no closer to perfect than him or anyone other N. Short of insanity, though, I think even Ns are responsible for the choices they make as adults, and abuse is a choice. Speaking for myself, forgiving my father was second nature, as automatic as loving him--the challenge was finally seeing him as accountable for his choices.

I agree, Moonlight, that love is the best defense, so long as it's self-love. It always broke my heart that no one could give it to my father.
  :)

Hopalong:
Moon,
I so hate to think of you being hurt and shamed as a little girl.
I know sometimes angry words can cut children more deeply than a blow.

I am deeply touched by the adult you chose to become, the heart you chose to keep open.

Your voice teaches me a lot...thank you, Moon.

Hops

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

[*] Previous page