Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > What Helps?

Narcissistic Personality Disorder: basic description

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Hopalong:
the Lord did have mercy.
He created Moon.

Thank you soo much for that story. I adore your mother...quicksilver person, goldenheart, smart....
like mother like daughter in all the good ways. How you must miss her. How your kids must adore you.

Poor cop. Too many bad guys, empathy all gone.

love,
Hops

lightofheart:
Moonlight,
This is the post I responded to:

I'd like it if someone here could put the characteristics of N'ism into their own words.  Anyone?

~ReallyME

I read this and tried to respond in kind in my original post.

You wrote:
I think by now we can recognize an N when we see one.


I am glad if you can recognize an N when you see one. Right now, my experience is different, so I would not be part of your we. I try to speak for myself on issues this personal/emotional. I think 'we' is only inclusive  if it applies to everyone  in the conversation.

I think there are many Ns who move through the world unrecognized as Ns, even by their inner circle. Despite whatever I've learned about narcissism, I still struggle with seeing NPD for what it is in the moment, most recently, even after months of consistent N'ism in a close friendship. The fallout from this is an ongoing source of pain and I often question my approach to the situation.

I guess that's why I chose the ''basic description' thread for my 1st post; I hoped it would be a safe place for even a beginner.

Peace.

pennyplant:
Dear lightofheart,

One problem I see with a basic description of N is that there can be degrees of N-ism.  There are also other emotional conditions that seem to share some of the same characteristics.  And there is the individual's personal history which may account for a variety of behaviours being exhibited that can be hard to fit into the various symptom categories.  So, I guess I don't really work from a set diagnosis for the N-type people in my life.

Something I like about this board is that it is about Voicelessness.  I think that Voicelessness can have other causes than pure Narcissism.  I may not have a lot of full-blown Ns in my life, but I sure have problems with Voicelessness.

I also know that I want to regain my Voice and that there are certain people that I will not allow into my life because they will squash me.  I will not wait for the diagnosis!  There are lists of symptoms on the internet and in many of the books and readings people have posted here.  For me, those are guidelines in understanding the people who have squashed me.  Getting them out of my heart is the process I'm in now, and I just listen to all the voices here and take what may work for me.  For future encounters my "plan" is to take things much more slowly than I used to.  I pay attention to what it is that I do to participate in my own voicelessness.  Allowing my boundaries to be violated, not understanding my own boundaries, etc.

I'm not sure where you are with your process.  Have you read the symptom lists on-line already?  Eventually you will find that it is pretty repetitive.  Just keep reading them I guess until the information is internalized.  Lots of people here have much knowledge from their reading and can answer questions you might have from your own reading.  I haven't read much other than the online stuff.  I like reading the experiences here.  Everybody gets the information in their own way.

Pennyplant

lightofheart:
Dear Moonlight,
Please don't beat up on yourself; I'm far from perfect myself. I try to hope people are doing the best they can.  :D

My father was of the beating/bragging school, too. Also, guns and death threats and calling in people you see on The Sopranos. Nobody in my immedatie family had words for who he was (or anything emotional) during the worst of it: we just tried to survive him.

The first time I read definitons of narcissism and sadism in a psychology text (same chapter) I slammed the book shut on my hands. It felt wrong to see my father dissected there for anyone to see. But it taught me a lot about the power of naming the beast.

The good news is, he accidentally helped me become a pretty non-judgmental, understanding person. The less good news is, I've learned the hard way that I can be a magnet for closet N's (people with healthy facades who eventually behave very differently in private) as I tend to take them at face value, think the best, and can give them the benefit of the doubt far too long. So, once I get in someone's corner, I  can be slow to hold them accountable for narcissistic behavior. I'm still in quandry over one N. I'm forced to deal with, which has been a helpful excercise in boundaries-setting, but stressful.

P.S. Thank you for extending a hand, Pennyplant. Before your post, I felt a little unwelcome here

pennyplant:
You're welcome, lightofheart. 

Sometimes, with me anyway, it takes awhile to get to know a person or a place.  I'm glad you stuck it out.

Pennyplant

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