Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > What Helps?

Narcissistic Personality Disorder: basic description

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CeeCee:
Love your description, Hops.  NPD101!  :)  Reading about the six year old is great, I told my big sis not so long ago that Mother is rather like an 8 year old, maybe younger!  It does so help to put things in perspective.  Certainly the damages and pains remain, but the insight gained is inspiring, and forward we go with the secure knowledge that we can let them go as clear remnants of self preservation efforts polished by the years as the audience of Ns, and full out NPDers.
I am happy to have found this place.  Thanks to all!

gratitude28:
When I found that article describing a 6-year-old, I knew without a doubt that if my mother is not an N, I don't know who is! And the honest truth is, she is not always mean. But she is almost always infantile in her behavior. She puts her head in the sand about any and all news and current events (too horrible); she has to have everything her way when on vacation... one time she ran from place to place like a madwoman because she couldn't decide what she wanted to do first... it was like a kid at an amusement park; she reads the same books, many of them childrens' books over and over, but claims to have read serious works (she never has, when you ask her details, she has no idea); she fancies that people know who she is or remember me from when I lived with her 20 years ago and speaks as if they look up to us; she buys new things incessantly... because she gets bored with the old ones and because she considers herself rich (far from it); I could go on. Do you all have examples like these????
Love, Beth

reallyME:
Hello

I need to make a comment here on something Hops posted from the info about 6 year olds/Narcissism:


--- Quote --- expects friendships to be resumed immediately following tremendous complaint and conflict (p. 22)
--- End quote ---

Jodi who is as narcissist as one can get, did nto expect friendships to be resumed after conflict.  What she did, was tell me (after I blew the whistle on how people were treated by her in her home, after spending weeks at her house and seeing her "queen" behavior), "It will never be like it was with us again." 

It was the eeriest feeling I've ever felt, other than when she totally dissociated from me in person.  To have someone who you had been planning dreams and missions and ministry with, suddenly tell you "you don't understand.  Things will never be the way they were between us again..." and to realize SHE MEANS THIS!  Now THAT was freaky and disillusioning.  It was as though Jodi went from being my best friend, showering me with gifts, promises and grandeur that we'd be together forever as bestest buddies, to all of the sudden, becoming gradually non-existent to her.  She literally began acting as though we never shared any happy times together, like there were no warm feelings between us...as though she had totally disowned me completely as friend and human being.

With Jodi, I usually had to be the one to contact her first.  If she ever did contact me and I acted surprised, she say something like "consider this your lucky day!"  She never contacted me for the sake of just wanting to be my friend, unless she felt guilty about something she did to me in the past, and needed to profusely apologize to "clear the slate" so she could then believe I was content and she could move on to the next person.

Life with Jodi was WIERD!  It was no surprise when she began preaching messages on the Wizard of Oz, claiming that she wasn't pinpointing all of her friends, as the ones in the story.  When I confronted her for her use of this story, in order to paint all her "enemies" (us) as the ones who led "Dorothy" in the wrong direction...her response was that SHE was Dorothy, the one with the uncertainty, and that she NEVER WANTED TO HURT ANYONE.  From there she played the martyr role with me, saying "I can't believe you would even THINK that I'd DO something like that!"  Then, when she couldn't MOVE me on her behalf, she got nasty and said, "God gave me a message and I'm going to GIVE it!  If people think it's about them and that I'm lashing out at them, well that's THEIR PROBLEM and not MY CONCERN!"  It was a typical pattern with Jodi...fake apology, martyr, punisher.  She still does it to this day!!![/size]
~ReallyME

Hopalong:
Hey Really,
Yep, when Ns are done with someone (who's no longer supplying them properly) it's JUST like that:

--- Quote ---began acting as though we never shared any happy times together, like there were no warm feelings between us...as though she had totally disowned me completely as friend and human being
--- End quote ---

Despite dramatic shows of feeling at times, I was always amazed at how easy they un-attach. How it could shift from me being real and mattering, to not.

Lucky you're out of her orbit, Really. Or do you think you're still pulled in? Do you have to keep interacting with her? If so, I bet that's really difficult.

Hops

Sheela:
This is a very good thread, a little painful and sad for me . . .it was one thing trying to rebuild a life after being married to an abusive N,.

Clearly, my son is also a N, and though abused by his father, they are two sad little chips off the narissistic block . . .

I want to add something here to think about . . .

i nursed that young man as a baby and saw the soft wonder in his eyes;  i know how much and by whom he was so psychologically wounded . . .

I would like to add that the inner life of a classic N is a torment that they can never admit  . . the sense of self is so fragile, so easily threatened, they are exquisitely sensitive in all the wrong ways . . .an N is doomed to repeat the same behavior over and over without ever seeing into the reasons behind it . . .they must pretend constantly that they don't know that something is wrong . . .they miss so much simple humble kindness . . .

and while needing help can never ask for it, they respond to kindnes by offering a fresh wound  . . .

sheela

Remember Narcissus in the greek myth  . .. he was turned into a flower (a daffodil is a narcissus) beecuae the gods took pity on him . . .

I nursed that child of mine . . .I know I can't indulge him but i am allowed pity . . .

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